Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by alisamamos12, Jan 10, 2015.

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  1. alisamamos12

    alisamamos12 New Member

    Hey everyone. I posted something a while ago about how I thought that maybe I could have been sexually abused as a child. There were no memories though so I was just wanting some feedback.
    I told my therapist what I thought and she said that a year ago she had the feeling that something did happen to me but she didn't say anything because she didn't want to put an idea in my head if nothing had happened. I told her how I've been feeling and what I've been thinking and she said I have basically every sign of being sexually abused when I was little.

    So I decided to just flat out ask my mom. She immediatly denied it and said that I was never left alone with anyone. That I was never left alone with an uncle. Then she paused for a minute. Then she told me I was never left alone with my grandpa (he is my main suspect) then she went on a long lecture about how she always watched me and kept me safe and told me those things could happen. I know it happened to her and she very clearly has not dealth with it.

    I don't have specific memories but I had this weird, almost flashback of someone rubbing my legs. My entire family sees me as the person who always plays the victim card (not true) and I really don't want to. I feel like I may have repressed memories and I already know I block out bad memories. (My mom is emotionally abusive and I don't remember most of the things she said to me) I really feel like something happened to me, I just don't know what or by whom, and its making me feel like I'm crazy. Has anyone else been through anything like this?
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi alisa, I remember your post very well the last time you wrote here, I don't know if I told you about the story of a friend but I will tell it in a short way again. My friend G was about 22 and had no mental health issues or abuse issues or so she thought, she has 2 kids, when she bought the girl a tricycle memories came flooding back to her regarding an uncle touching her, she was so distressed because she did not know if these feelings were true or not, it really got to her and she obviously well believe it as she went to the police about him to make a statement and as it happened there was other abuse statements against her uncle. Then she knew it was true, he had molested several girls, she withdrew her statement when she realized she wasn't the only one because she didn't want to ruin her relationship with her mom, anyway yes I think it does happen, how often I do not know but I firmly believe it can, your memory may block out a trauma.

    Keep and keep talking to the therapists, I don't think you are playing a victim card at all, just try and ease the thoughts however hard that may be and keep going through it in a safe environment with your therapist.

    Good luck to you :hug:
  3. W Miller

    W Miller Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry that I really don't know exactly what to say right now, but I do feel I should at least try, here goes it.

    Frequently, we do in fact repress our abuses, and it was not until I became an adult that I was able to figure out just what the abuse was, and just its effecting my in my own life even till this day .

    I'm sorry your mother is that abusive, so maybe you should try to get from a therapist to see if you can slowly come to terms with what might have happened to you. Again, maybe your mom is unable to approach the subject herself for whatever reason(s) that made her unportable - therefore she might not be the best of support to you at this time.

    Please seek help at some point, because you can recover from your abuse, I have faith in you.
  4. turryburry

    turryburry Well-Known Member

    You could be starting a delusional disorder. Your mind could convince of something when there's no proof which is what it sounds like here. Just start paying attention. If you get other weird ideas talk to someone.
  5. smwhorses

    smwhorses Well-Known Member

    I think you have been abused by your mom. Her fears and the sexual abuse she experienced and never dealt with has been all dumped onto you. It could be you were abused also. Even if you were not the fear and guilt from you mother is enough to cause a lot of problems.
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Very true statement, it could be falling on the wrong lap, I did not think of that when posting. Well said :)
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