So I just read a post that was asking if there were any ways to make it easier on the people left behind. I won't post names but why should this be about the ones left behind ? Ok so death is hard no matter how it comes. I experienced it early on in life, which in some ways is why I am here today . But would you the survivors be happier while on your death bed knowing that someone wanted to be in that very position many years prior but did not because they were so concerned about causing others pain? Would that give you comfort, or would you prefer to stick with ignorance is bliss? I did not do this when I was a child because of what it might do to my mother . I had the means at 8 years old, and the plan and the note since I was five, it came out sort of like a poem , I still remember it clearly. Thirty years later having done all kinds of shit that should have killed me didn't, and am back in the same boat. Why is it selfish for one to end their own misery? Why cant people understand, that this is a decision that their loved one has made and prefers . Yes it is permanent I think we all know this . I knew this at 8 years old and wanted to end it so badly but because of others I didn't, and yet actually caused them even more pain and suffering just being myself, alive but myself. Not very many pros, accomplished, but quite a number of cons recorded. I think it would have been easier for everyone to have lost me long ago instead of me having prolonged it do so long. I have actually been considering postponing it yet again due to my folks health . First off if i do postpone i will probably go within hours of my mother so that is inevitable. But now i might be the premature cause of her passing , what's new one more fuck up . Why do survivors not understand that some people just don't want to be here anymore? Is that so unimaginable for you all ? As much as you enjoy living for what ever the reasons might be, imagine this, some people enjoy checking out having not to deal with everything anymore ever again, being at peace. Everyday every fucking day i wake up wondering why ? Why am i still opening my eyes ? I'm on medication i do treatments i go to therapy , i get involuntary committed for observation occasionally. Is it fair for me to have to live like this just to keep my family happy ? Would you prefer your loved ones to have a quality of life that they resented every fucking day ? Would you prefer to have your loved ones alive if they started hating and resenting you for they're have stayed in that kind of quality of life just so not to hurt you ? How would any of these thoughts make you feel? , since their suicide is about everyone of the loved ones they have left behind . People say that alot what about everyone else ? Well so the fuck what ? I ask all of you what about the ones that feel this way, we have to open our eyes everyday , we have to take medications , we have to go to therapy, we have to consider everyone else's feeling about our suicide, we have to put on our shoes and walk the same fucking walk that makes us so very nocuous every single day, we have to live with as many what ifs as you do until we make our final decision . We always have to talk about everything so that people that don't have these feelings can try and understand what our thinking process is , we should make you people that don't think like this go through what we go through. Sit and talk about it , take this medication , sit in this tiny quiet padded room, wear this jacket, have these tiny little electrodes glued to your head, or better yet lets strap these big electrodes to your dome and zap the shit out of your brain, if you come out completely retarded then it was 100% successful, if not then it's only a 50/50 chance that it worked. But you prefer us suffer rather than you suffer our loss. So it must be insane to want to die prematurely? Right ? Buy to give someone the above listed medical treatments is, sane ? Really come on people . It is all the non suicidal peoples faults that people that are have such feelings of guilt about it . Everyone dies . We are merely choosing when where and how. So let me ask you all one more thing . Lets say you are 75 years old in the hospital on your death bed and your grand child asks you not to go WHAT THE FUCK THEN!!!! are you just gonna to decide to keep living , no I fucking think not you are gonna die any fucking way it doesn't matter the hurt you cause your grand child does it. NO!!!! How about if your grand child then made you feel guilty about you dieing , would that ease your suffering ? So then why the hell does everyone make us feel so fucking guilty about it ? Because life is so precious? Well obviously we, one of the suicidal think otherwise. Maybe you SELFISH fucks can try and help without playing the guilt card. Last time I checked my life was being lived by me and I try to help people as I can not making them feel guilty about their decisions. Just saying.