Im not sure why this is so hard.. Im not sure why everytime I get sober for a bit I think 'oh this time will be different! I wont get out of control, I wont go back to smoking/drinking daily'... Every fucking time I can convince myself I can do it on my own, and that I will just 'cut back' my use instead of quitting altogether. Do normal people think of being drunk or high all the time?? probably not.. I truly am delusional, how many times must one make the same fucking mistake before they learn?? The sad thing is I think once I once again try and get sober for a while I will have the same thought of ok only allowed to drink once a week with friends, then it will be twice a week.. then same shit I will end up here again..