Questions

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Ima.robot, Aug 28, 2014.

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  1. Ima.robot

    Ima.robot Senior Member

    Im not sure why this is so hard.. Im not sure why everytime I get sober for a bit I think 'oh this time will be different! I wont get out of control, I wont go back to smoking/drinking daily'... Every fucking time I can convince myself I can do it on my own, and that I will just 'cut back' my use instead of quitting altogether. Do normal people think of being drunk or high all the time?? probably not.. I truly am delusional, how many times must one make the same fucking mistake before they learn?? The sad thing is I think once I once again try and get sober for a while I will have the same thought of ok only allowed to drink once a week with friends, then it will be twice a week.. then same shit I will end up here again..
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I think many who suffer with addictions have had same conversation you have then they finally figure out they need the help of a professional to stop. Have you had any addiction therapy at all. With support of someone else you have more of a chance to finally quit hun don't be afraid to reach out for the help you need and deserve
     
  3. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    That is the lie of addiction - it always tries to convince you that just once in a while- sometimes- cut back instead quit- etc etc etc and you will see here where many many others less aware than you are do it and say it without even knowing it. Knowing the nature of it is an advantage in understanding it - but sadly may not make it "easier". At least you know that it is BS and if you do decide to "just once" you know you are in fact deciding it is okay to be go back to dependent and addicted and not lying to yourself about it anymore. Best of luck and strength to you :hug: .
     
  4. Hatshepsut

    Hatshepsut Guest

    I will second Mr. JumpMaster's opinion...the only way to get out from under a habit-forming substance is to stop, and be prepared to deal with temptations that may last a lifetime. I sometimes still have strong desires to drink or smoke 18 months after quitting. I may later relapse into these things, but haven't yet. So I shouldn't be complacent.

    Stories from people who are still using, or who have just quit, help me very much. They tell me how much I have to lose if I decide to have one can of beer or one puff off a cigarette. Every day free of it has to be won, or granted by God, and I shouldn't forget this....some of the 12-step stuff, like "being powerless" in the face of addictions, is right on the money.

    :pumpkin1: The good news is that it is possible to stop, and if you do stop, it gets easier to stay stopped as time goes by. Best wishes & best luck to you.
     
  5. AsphyxiateOnMisery

    AsphyxiateOnMisery Well-Known Member

    You only have two options with this...keep using, or stop everything altogether. There's no middle ground where you just use or drink occasionally and will be able to function normally. I thought the same thing at one point. That if I only used occasionally instead of on a regular basis, I could be okay, but every single time it proves not to be the case. I tried telling myself I'd only do it once a month, then it became once every couple of weeks, and then before I knew it, I'm trying to come up with a way to do it on a daily basis again because I'm craving and end up completely broke and/or in debt. As for how many times one must make the same mistake before they learn...that depends on the person, unfortunately. As long as your cravings outweigh the consequences, you're going to pick drugs every time. It's only when the consequences start making it all not worth it that you're going to think twice about it. You should probably get some addiction counseling, and also don't surround yourself with triggers (ie. friends who drink/get high in front of you) because you're going to end up doing it every time.

    I started out doing heroin every few weeks, then tried to prove to myself that I was still in control and stopped for 5 months. Then I relapsed and realized that I was anything but in control no matter how often I did it. After going on binders for the next few months, I stopped again for over a year, then relapsed again several times, and now I'm 2 months clean again. A lot of people go back and forth between using and sober many times, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't keep trying.
     
  6. Ima.robot

    Ima.robot Senior Member

    Yeah, for some reason I am so stuborn that I always think I can prove myself or to others I can do it and be ok.. That said If I logically look at things it doesnt make much sense. Ever since I was younger even before things got out of control my mission was never to get a buzz, it was always to get as messed up as I could within reason. The signs were there early. I feel like it changes me as a person so much.. when Im drinking or smoking thats all I really seem to care about over everything, my goals in life go completely out the window along with anyone I care about. Funny thing is I would quit weed then my drinking would increase a ton and I would think I dont have a problem with it, and same if I wasnt drinking my weed use would go up. It seems so hard to unwind and relieve stress without those or cigarettes(yes I already exercise a ton its not enough to calm me though).

    Tomorrow I am going to try again to clean things up, because Im really headed down hill fast if I keep this up and its kinda scary to be honest..never thought I would sink this low..
    Thank you guys for reading and support, wish me 'luck' :)
     
  7. AsphyxiateOnMisery

    AsphyxiateOnMisery Well-Known Member

    I do know some people who can simply smoke weed and still function normally, but people who have an addictive personality, and/or any other addictions, should not try doing that. For instance, my problem was never with weed, but I know damn well that if I start smoking it, it's not going to be good enough and I'm going to want to shoot heroin. With you, if you start smoking weed, you're going to want to drink eventually. That's why in such cases the best thing to do is to stop everything, not just one thing. Otherwise, the cycle will continue. You say the signs were there early for you, so chances are you have an addictive personality like me. I have to be addicted to something, even if it's not drugs. When I tried to stay clean, I got addicted to other things like NA, going to the gym, or various hobbies. Granted any of those things are a lot better and healthier to get addicted to, but it just goes to show that I need something to dedicate all or most of my energy to, or I'm not satisfied. NA in particular though, really got my mind off things. Not at first, cause for a while I still kept doing it and showed up to meetings high out of my mind, but nobody judged me for it, if anything they wanted to help me. And when I started involving myself in it more (getting a sponsor, participating in various activities, meeting new people) it did help me stop at the time.
     
  8. Ima.robot

    Ima.robot Senior Member

    I am definitely not one of those people who can smoke weed and function lol, doing things sober is hard enough.. You are totally right about the addictive personality btw, my true love is sports/exercise and the problem is I want to do it all the time but I have injuries piling up and when I need to take time off I get very down. My life is a series of obsessions, which sounds like you lol. At least I will be able to get some more healthy ones if I can stay sober.

    The hardest part honestly about this whole thing, is my ego.. I keep wanting to prove that I will one day be able to beat this and use responsibly like many people can.. How many times is it going to take to accept I cant?? 3 years ago was the first time I realized I had a true problem with weed, and there is still a part of me fucking saying I can just cut back. Truth is my ambition and any life goels go out the window when I use anything. Im so stuborn, I hope i learn. Im craving anything right now. alcohol, weed, cigs.. all of them.. Will try to do my best tonight but ahhhhhh. And its so stupid because im not even as depressed as I have been in previous months, I feel like it shouldnt be this hard to let this shit go.. i feel like im missing out on fun not drinking but truly im missing out on a real life when i drink/smoke.. blehhhhhhh
     
  9. Hatshepsut

    Hatshepsut Guest

    Well, we certainly wish you luck. People who "use while remaining functional" are either in the early stages of getting hooked, or perhaps lucky enough not to be susceptible to the addictive properties of the stuff they're using. But even they are taking risks with it, which might creep up on them later. You're not missing much by not being involved in it.

    Best wishes. You deserve the best.. :butterfly4:
     
  10. AsphyxiateOnMisery

    AsphyxiateOnMisery Well-Known Member

    Actually, chances are that a mental addiction IS present...but being addicted to a drug like marijuana, for instance, doesn't always have a negative impact. How many potheads have you seen that end up on the streets, stealing from their families, and broke/in debt because of merely marijuana? Granted, it can lead to you abusing other substances or it can easily impact your life negatively if you're already using something else along with it...that's why I told the OP it wasn't a good idea, and why I refrain from it myself. However, I was talking about people who smoke marijuana without using anything else and don't possess any other addictive behaviors. If that's the case, then normal functionality is very possible.
     
  11. Ima.robot

    Ima.robot Senior Member

    Thanks you guys :) Cant say Im done forever, but I will try and be self aware..
     
  12. AsphyxiateOnMisery

    AsphyxiateOnMisery Well-Known Member

    You don't have to say that you're done forever. To this day, I still can't say that I'm done forever with heroin because if I force myself to look at it as not even an option ever again, it makes me panic and want it even more. So instead of saying I'm done with it forever, I just say "Today, I'm not going to get high". That's all I try to worry about, just the present, not the future.
     
  13. W Miller

    W Miller Well-Known Member

    I'd be lying to you all, If I said I'd never relapse. Right now, its off the table, for me. Drugs - that is. My mind is pretty damaged anyway, and the nightmares are pretty strong (ie... user-dreams)

    Be kind to yourself, and each day of sobriety, betters your chance of staying clean.

    Deep (focused) breathing and meditation helps....
     
  14. AsphyxiateOnMisery

    AsphyxiateOnMisery Well-Known Member

    I have drug dreams every now and then too. And more often than not it involves me getting the shit, but not actually being able to use it for one reason or another. Either that, or I wake up right before I'm about to and it frustrates the hell out of me. You can be clean for many years and still have a drug dream every so often. That's your addiction talking to you through your subconscious, telling you "I'm still here"...and truth is, it's always going to be there in one way or another. If not through dreams, then through some kind of triggers during your day-to-day life, but it's something you learn to cope with.
     
  15. W Miller

    W Miller Well-Known Member

    WORD!, I've woken up high as a kite. Can taste the (unnamed drug). Really horrible, but we have to just cope, as you say.
     
  16. Ima.robot

    Ima.robot Senior Member

    Man It just seems like all anyone wants to do is drink.. I feel like I dont fit in anywhere.. I try to remember I will fit in somewhere if I find the right group of people
     
  17. W Miller

    W Miller Well-Known Member

    Whoa, sorry, l3ue. Even if you don't drink, just be here, or whatever..........

    Drank until I passed out last night. Hangover hell!

    This is the right group (online that is), Maybe you can offer advice on HOW TO STOP!!!!

    I tried to help, I'm a sorry excuse, so don't go by me, please.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 6, 2014
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