In another post I mentioned that I have a journal. I've written in it sporadically through the years since getting it in 01 but lately I've been writing frequently, almost every night. When I put down on paper that I will kill myself eventually a funny thing happened. The more I wrote, the better it sounded. The better I felt about suicide. Since then I've been noticing that I'm thinking about it...a lot. I'll hear the word spoken in my head, I've started imaging how I'll do it, when I'll do it. Due to circumstances I have several more years to go before my affairs are in order enough that I can end my life peaceably. I am worried that it will be a constant mental battle between my desire to die and the responsibilities that prevent me from doing it soon. What are things you've done to try and not think about it? Is it always a fight to not do it?