Oddly enough - I have felt in crisis before and the thoughts are wildly familiar thinking of differing ways to end the suffering... Lately the extreme emotional swings have been replaced by serene planning... A Last Will - analysis of results... effects of what each scenario would bring..... Deep sorrow, yet yearning and determination to end the pain -yields an eerie peacefulness. I can no longer take it - time to say good bye This is the only thing I seem to have motivation for.... Feel so guilty for the pain it will cause my children and friends.... Hate that this means that the perpetrators will finally win - but I have no energy left to care........ even holding my new grandson - why does he deserve to have such a piece of garbage as me for a grandma... but can I hurt him and his mother - my daughter? Just spiraling downward, and no longer can fight the inevitable descent. There is nothing left to fight with, as much as I would like to believe that healing is possible - how long? No hope left.