Tinnitus. The bane of my existence. I still remember the day I first heard it. I used to share a bed with my sister, and a greyhound (Really) and one night I heard ringing noise in my ears that just wouldn't go away. I've heard a similar ringing noise multiple times in my life before, but it always disappeared after a few seconds. I was starting to feel a little scared, but I proceeded to go to school the next couple days, as if everything were normal. On the third, I lost it, and started crying. I developed a habit or crying the noise I heard, not be being able to identify where it was coming from. Though it wasn't until two months later that I opened to my family and informed of the noise I was hearing. They said they couldn't hear anything, and told me it was all my head. Over time, I eventually dropped out of middle-school (Not because of my tinnitus, but I spare the details for now) , and began to live a bitter reclusive life in my personal bedroom. I experienced constant agony for little over a year, until I was finally able to identify what the noise was. I was looking through a old medical book in my house, and I searched up "Ringing in the ears" in the glossary. I was so relieved to find out that I wasn't alone, that I wasn't crazy after all - until I reached a certain point of the article. "Tinnitus, currently does not have a cure." I felt like all hope was lost for me. I wasn't the only person that suffered from tinnitus, that much was true. However, that did not change the fact that sleeping was an ordeal for me, that I often suffered constant headaches and earaches related to my tinnitus, that I would be stuck with an obnoxious, "fake" noise for the remainder of my life. I tried to bear with it for a while, but then something unexpected happened : the symptoms of my tinnitus worsened. I was using a leaf blower in the backyard the same morning, but as I turned off the leaf blower, I discovered that I now heard two different noises in both my ears. After I realized the new noise would go away, I began to freak out. I thought I was beginning to regain control of my life, but I was wrong. My life began to descend into a bitter, lonely, hate spiral. I identified everything by the negative, I no longer cared for anyone, and eventually grew to hate all life. I wanted silence. I wanted to die. Eventually, I grew to tolerate the noise, but my life was no longer the same. When I was 18, I partook in a trip to Nevada (USA) to visit family. Around some time in February, my tinnitus grew EVEN WORSE. It happened overnight while I was sleeping, and I discovered now heard three different noises in my ear. "What is this cruel twist of fate? Is this some sort of divine prank? Why me, of all people.... I used to bask in silence as a child, I disliked all forms of noise. I've been robbed of something very dear to me." My tinnitus was one of my primary triggers for my attempted suicide last year. I was obsessed with the noise, and was thinking about it constantly - I felt like I was unable to truly relax. I longed for even a moment's respite ....... even if meant sacrificing everything. I failed. Over the course of the past year, something changed...... I'm not sure why, but I feel like I have a desire to live now, even it means coping with my tinnitus. Do I still have chance at life? Turning a blind eye to the world has taken it's toll. I've grown to be quite a lazy person, who won't pause to think, but will hesitate to act. -I haven't been in school for seven years. -I've never held a job (I haven't even applied for one) -I'm neglecting to manage and maintain my health and hygiene, and my body is fatiguing because of it -I'm socially challenged, there's only 7 people I ever talk to, 3 of which I communicate with regularly -I'm an impulsive person who triggers easily -I posses few talents -I live in constant fear of loud noises and my tinnitus becoming worse than it already is I've joined this forum in hopes that I may reclaim my life. I do not know who I should depend on, or where I should start with my recovery. If you are fellow tinnitus-sufferer, I would humbly request contacting me. It would help me greatly to communicate with someone who understands my type of pain... I thank you for reading this. If nothing else, you've granted me what would be impossible on my own. With a pain caused by something as subjective as tinnitus, it helps to know that my problems are acknowledged by an outsider.