Quitting Cannabis Saved My Life

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by hi my name is, Jan 31, 2011.

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  1. hi my name is

    hi my name is Well-Known Member

    About 2 years ago when I became the most suicidal I have ever been, I actually tried buying my products to do so at Wal-Mart until God stepped in and deflected me in a oh so clever way. The only time I could think straight in that zombie mode of death was when I smoked herb, and I would actually think holy fuck I am about to do this! are you crazy! how can I do this to myself when everything is so beautiful. That and doing about 8 hits of MDMA saved my life then.

    But now, I have quit weed (hvn't done harder shit for a very long time) about a week and a half ago, before that, I struggled to get out of bed in the morning. When I woke up, I would think about my funeral and what I would write on my suicide letters, some would be very mean, then I would think if the cops read these would they actually give them to who they are meant to go to? all of these terrible thoughts. Anything would set me off into a suicidal frenzy. Then all of a sudden something inside of me told me to "stop smoking man, your extremely lethargic, you need your energy back." So I stopped smoking cannabis, (although I still love her healing properties, I just abused the living fuck out of it,) and day one and two were a little rough but after that I am back to my old self again, I feel so damn good now about everything I am literally a new person. I will for sure smoke again in the future but I am going to stop for about 2 months to get my mind right. I will also have one bong toke every month as my new limit instead of 4 in a day, for it's amazing regulating aspects for your body. I smoked so much I couldn't even think straight. The instrument I was using to go about my day was fried (my mind) and now I am living with my mind controlled by my heart. I am so grateful for my heart's guidance.

    I'm not telling people to stop smoking, I am just giving my story, shit, I even wrote a suicide note on here saying see ya! and I was dead serious (pardon the pun.) Everyone is different also, people can handle it differently and I was not respecting my comfort zone.

    I want to let you know that I am doing very well now and have had only one suicidal thought within a week and a half, which was there and gone in seconds, instead of having it for 24 hours a day 7 days a week for a month. That is very good, it only came up because that's where I would run to for anything that made me uneasy. It was a 1/10 on the scale where as for the previous month I was at 11/10.

    Listen to the voice inside coming from your heart and you will know your comfort zone.

    Thank you for listening. :mortdesinos:
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 31, 2011
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Weed is an unmotivator it takes the will to live away from you. My child has been off it 16 days now and oh she is a new person full of life again energy and dreams I am glad you too see that its effects can harm:hugtackles::hugtackles:
  3. doityourself

    doityourself Well-Known Member

    Everyone that I know told me one day you will wake up and not want it anymore, well it took alot longer than I thought (20 years)

    Im one of those who can not just smoke once a day, I literally will smoke a 8th a day no problem, and want more. How is it far for me to spend all that money and my family is having hard times paying bills, the guilt took over.

    If I never smoke again in my life, I would be estatic about it and Im telling myself that I can do that, because one hit turns into another one and next thing I know Im buying and using atleast once an hour, which does through me into zombie land.

    It got to where the drug (yep drug) was controlling me, I wasnt controlling it, it may have been a mind trip for me but it was enough to make me keep doing it and being a total bitch without it.

    This is the first time that Ive quit and not have overwhelming cravings for it, so Im amazed at myself for that.

    If you asked me if it contributed to my depression, I would say yes and no, yes because weed is a downer, makes you lazy and unmotivated, but on the other hand without it I was a walking mess, filled to the brim with anxiety and stress. I couldnt even have a functioning conversation with someone without it.

    I to wish you all the luck in the world with fighting this addiction, and I hope that when that one day does come you think about how happy you are without it.

    Thank you again for your words, it means alot to have support from everyone here and if you ever need me to hold you up, Im here.
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