Quote that is stuck in my mind

I saw a quote the other day and it has really stuck in my mind. The quote reads something like this, "I am not afraid of dying, just afraid of living." I guess as I look over my personal history after my unsuccessful attempt that I am passivly suicidal. I wake up in the morning and the first thought in my mind, and please excuse my language, is, "shit, I woke up again." I have thoughts such as: as I am crossing a street and I see a large truck, maybe it will hit me and put me out of my misery, at work I think of having a massive heart attack due to the stress I experience. A few years ago I was driving down a packed highway in DC. A piece of building material flew off a truck on the road in front of me. It hit my windsheild pretty hard and did some damage to the car. My first thought was, why didn't it go though the widsheild and just kill me. That would have been a dream come true. No such luck. This sounds awful as I read it, but this is how I feel. Man, how sad this is.

 

Are you in therapy?? Or do you take meds?? You need to get help with your obsession for death..I'm not saying SI will go away because mine hasn't.. I've delt with this for 41years..The difference is I got help with mine..I have learned to live with it..

 

Hello Joe,

I understand what you are feeling, the fact that you failed to suicide means to you that part of you doesn't want you to suicide - i am sure there are many people out there (your family, friends) that want you and need you.

The fact that you say that you prefer a external factor to play a role in your death to me means that you don't want to suicide, its just now the pain you feel has exceeded your coping resources so we need to help you to increase your coping resources.

What do you do on a daily basis currently?

 

I take meds daily and I try the best I can to use coping skills. I have done it all. Talk therapy, medication, relaxtion techniques. I think that part of my problem is that I am getting older and tired of the fight. I am now suffering from intense physcial pain that is worsening the problem and intensifying my thoughts. Thank you so much for your reply.

Joe

 

Hello Joe,

First my apologies for this delayed response, the country i live in is experiencing a crisis and we don't have continuous electricity for the time being.

I would first suggest you go to your doctor and see about increasing your medicine dosage so that we can stabilize you a bit.

Then think about visiting a new psychotherapist - its important to have someone you can trust and you can talk with.