I saw a quote the other day and it has really stuck in my mind. The quote reads something like this, "I am not afraid of dying, just afraid of living." I guess as I look over my personal history after my unsuccessful attempt that I am passivly suicidal. I wake up in the morning and the first thought in my mind, and please excuse my language, is, "shit, I woke up again." I have thoughts such as: as I am crossing a street and I see a large truck, maybe it will hit me and put me out of my misery, at work I think of having a massive heart attack due to the stress I experience. A few years ago I was driving down a packed highway in DC. A piece of building material flew off a truck on the road in front of me. It hit my windsheild pretty hard and did some damage to the car. My first thought was, why didn't it go though the widsheild and just kill me. That would have been a dream come true. No such luck. This sounds awful as I read it, but this is how I feel. Man, how sad this is.