Quote. Where I'm at right now.

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Hache, Aug 7, 2009.

  1. Hache

    Hache Well-Known Member

    Found this on the psychology of young adults which I think sums up where I am at.

    My entire life goal right now is based around finding love for the first time. It means more than it should, but because i have failed to get it and the older I get the more I crave intimacy.

    I can't stand this "you need to love yourself first" bullshit. I can, and sometimes do, it doesnt make a difference if you're not in the circumstances to meet the opposite sex.

    The next step in my life is to have love, no matter what anyone says I cant get away from that need and its immense power over me. Subsquently I cannot get on with the rest of my life without this important stage.
  2. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    So you believe love is the first step to fixing and solving all of your problems?

    I used to say the same, and I'm not disputing that, maybe it is. Who can really ever know.

    But are you sure you won't just become highly dependant on this person you fall in love with and will begin to think they are all you are living for?

    I've seen it happen many times and spoken to people on this forum who are proof, those who have threatened suicide when things went wrong or when their partner told them it was over.

    I don't believe you have to love yoursself in order to love another - sure it helps but I don't think it's completely necessary, I do however think you have to be honest with yourself and ask 'am I stable enough to be in a relationship?', because if the answer is no, you are putting yourself at risk.

    Would you fall to pieces the second things went wrong?

    The reason people say you need to love yourself before you can love someone else is because you need to know you are worthy when things go wrong, you need to be able to correlate the idea that it was not your fault and your brain needs to be able to pull you through by focusing on your good points, by telling you, "you are an amazing person and deserving of love again, things went wrong but so what? You will get over this, you will not crash and burn".

    Those who don't love themselves, often crash and burn because they wonder how they found love in the first place and then they blame themselves for losing it.
  3. Hache

    Hache Well-Known Member

    depends, regardless of having depression tendancies if you lose someone you love you are going to fall apart surely.

    I need life experience to become a man, I need a relationship. Approaching 22 and being a virgin is messing with my mind, especially when I am a lone, especially when younger friends have someone.

    As far as I am concerned, there are 3 big aspects to life at my age, for me.

    1. Career
    2. Social
    3. Love

    1 is poor but getting someone maybe. 2 and 3 dont exist, this is why I am depressed and turn to the things like gambling, drink and SI when I'm a lone or bored or clearly have no life direction or experience.

    I'm not going to kill myself. But why avoid the adventure of a relationship and the things it could give my life just because it might end and I will be back to square one? I am not capable of being happy without other people, friends whoever, I need to be busy to not have time to be depressed, I need excitement, adventure, exploring, not some boring routine and no social life, no love life.

    Dont they say it is better to have loved and lost than never loved at all.

    It is funny really, in reality, I appear strong, happy etc, no one knew I was depressed or self harmed or even had a clue. It is when I am a lone, which is far too often because I have no life.

    Something needs to occupy my mind other than the depression things and stupid doubts, I need normal life thoughts back, normal life worrys, concerns, passions, thoughts, when I am a lone, as far as I am aware that will come from a relationship, a social life, an interesting career.