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qutting school

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by beautifuloblivion, Jul 2, 2009.

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  1. beautifuloblivion

    beautifuloblivion Well-Known Member

    I hate school, and I hate this city. It would be silly (not to mention expensive) to transfer when I only need 3 more classes to graduate. Graduation is in 169 days. I feel like I should be able to make it until then, but...

    But really, I don't want to transfer. I want to just quit. School just stresses me out so much. It's not the source of the problem at all, but the rest of my life is such a mess that school just adds to it. And what good is trying to finish school if it just ends up pushing me over the edge? Besides, I don't have any ambitions or plans anymore to actually use my degree. I don't have any ambitions to do anything, for that matter. I just want to pack up all my stuff right now and drive away from this city forever.

    And on top of everything, all I can think about is him. But I'm such a mess, it's no wonder he doesn't want to have anything to do with me. :blub:
  2. LenaLunacy

    LenaLunacy Well-Known Member

    Is there anyway you could put school on hold till you've managed to get the rest of the issues you're dealing with sorted and so you can give it a proper shot and do yoruself proud?
    Maybe it would do you good to get out of school and the city and start afresh, if you were able to.
    If not, you say you think you can make it, i spose the next best solution is to throw yourself into school, work your hardest and try and make it til graduation.
    Whatever you decide good luck :hug:
  3. beautifuloblivion

    beautifuloblivion Well-Known Member

    I would love to just take a break and come back to finish school later, but if I do that I'll lose my scholarship. Then if I do go back, I'll end up having to pay out-of-state tuition, which I can't really afford. I also don't think I could face my family...they would be so disappointed with me if I quit.
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Try to hang in there for yourself okay. If you can get through this and graduate then you can look forward to doing things differently later. You are worth sticking it out and finishing what you started I think you have the abiltiy to do this just concentrate on this one task and try not to focus on him for now Good luck and let us know how you do okay we care.
  5. reefer madness

    reefer madness Account Closed

    You've already put so much into your schooling it would be a shame to quit when you're so close to finishing.
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi beautifuloblivion,

    Please don't quit schooling, you'll feel worse for it in the long term.
    I left school early(because of anxiety issues) but I still regret it every day. You're nearly finished,just keep hanging in there.
    Why do you hate your city so much? :hug:
  7. Pioneer

    Pioneer Well-Known Member

    I hate school too. I'm in my fifth year of college for engineering and I've hated it since the 2nd year. I hate the financial burden with this education, I hate the stress of constantly being tested, and I hate the amount of time I have to put into it. I don't see anything beneficial to it. I have lost all interest in anything and anyone and just want to be left alone now. I kinda know how you feel. I should be graduating next year, probably won't because of financial reasons, but you will be graduating in less than 200 days. I think you should stick it out. I know how it feels to want a break, I've never had a summer off, but if you loose all of your funding because of that break then it may not be worth it. You should really speak with your counselors and see what options are available, I know at my college we can take a quarter off and not worry about the finances because it will carry over. Please gather as much information as you can before you make a big decision.

    Oh and forget your family, they aren't the ones suffering through college.
  8. beautifuloblivion

    beautifuloblivion Well-Known Member

    I know it would be a shame to quit when I'm so close. And I know I'll regret it later. But it's just so much pressure, and I'm not sure I can handle it anymore. And the one person who might be able to pull me through won't even talk to me. :sad:

    Thanks for the suggestion, Pioneer. But I already checked into it...I took a break after my first year, and they won't defer my scholarship again. I know what you mean about the stress of being tested...I can't stand the constant pressure, always having homework and never feeling like I'm caught up on things. And I don't see any benefit to my degree either. The closer I get to graduation, the more often people ask me what I'm going to do after I graduate. This question really stresses me out because I have no idea what I'm going to do, or even what I want to do. Anyway, it sounds like you could use a break too. Engineering sounds even more stressful than my major. Why don't you at least take the summer off?
  9. beautifuloblivion

    beautifuloblivion Well-Known Member

    Oh, and I hate my city because everyone here is so fake. It's a college town full of frat boys and sorority girls, and I just don't fit in. The few friends I used to have all graduated and moved away in May, so now I'm stuck here with just myself and a bunch of bad memories.
  10. Pioneer

    Pioneer Well-Known Member

    I understand what you mean by not fitting in. I'm an engineer and its hard for us to fit in with everyone else. Even more so for me. My family has alienated me and just not included me in anything because I was different. I never connected with any adults, I was the oldest child so I couldn't connect with the kids, and all the feeling of being at home is in the past. No matter where I go I feel like a stranger. I want to help you but I don't know what I can say to change things.

    I will tell you the truth. You put alot of work in your education. You've also put in alot of pain and hardship. You are almost done. When I think about my college experience I always wonder what I could be doing with my life. I could still be at home, living off my mother or at least living near her. I would still have to be the older brother and basically walk all my sibling through life like I've always done. And I would still feel weak and pathetic. My education is the only thing that I feel remotely proud of. And not only that but I know that when/if I graduate then I will have this tool to use to shape the rest of my life no matter how short or long it may be. The same is true for you. You will have this great tool that you can use and not many others will be able to use. Use your knowledge, skills, perseverance, and confidence to build your life from scratch with a new and better set of tools than what your parents gave you. Even if you must leave your past behind be confident in what you will gain when you get your degree. I'm not sure what is possible with my degree also, but I am sure what is not possible. You know what you cannot do without your degree now find what you can.
  11. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    Maybe you feel that way because of "him". I, was very close to a degree a couple of times at different schools and quit for a couple of different reasons. But all I can tell you is that I feel like shit for not completing those last few courses. I just don't want you to feel as bad as I do about it.

    Take care! I hope everything works out for you.
  12. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I would suggest you do what you can to finish. Is it possible to take these classes online? Three classes should be manageable. That barely makes a fulltime student if they are not 4 credits apiece. You have come too far to let it go now. What degree will you have upon completion? Your guidance counselor should be able to tell you what options are available to you with this degree. placement is supposed to be part of their job description. Many people do not end up with careers that were in their major field of study, You never know what doors may be open to you in the future. You are too close to the finish to give it up. Have faith in yourself. You can make it. :hug:
  13. beautifuloblivion

    beautifuloblivion Well-Known Member

    Thank you so much, everyone, for your replies. The support really means a lot to me. :hug: I think I'll stay here and try to stick it out, although I'm sure you'll notice a few frustrated posts from me venting about classes once the semester starts again. :unsure:

    You're right, gentlelady...I actually do have to take 4 classes to keep full-time status for my scholarship. The fourth class can be anything I want, but the other three are specific things I need for my degree, and unfortunately, they aren't being offered online. If I do finish, I'll have a bachelor's in linguistics with a minor in math.

    Thank you for the encouragement, Pioneer. I know what you mean about not fitting in with family either, although I had the opposite problem, as I was much younger than everyone else. Now I live thousands of miles away from them, and I hardly feel like I even have a family. My friends were my family, but now most of them are gone too.

    I think my education is the only thing I've ever felt proud of too. Although sometimes I feel even that's not good enough, as I'm always being compared to my sister, who is a doctor. (Not to mention, she looks like a Barbie doll.) Still, even though I don't necessarily have a plan to use my degree, I think I owe it to myself to finish. I mentioned that I took a break from school once before...that one year was the happiest I've ever been in my entire life. I wish I'd known what a mess I was walking into when I chose to go back to school. But I came back because I felt that it was important to finish what I had started, so I guess that's what I need to do.
  14. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Good for you BeautifulOblivion I am sure you will be happy for staying although the work will be hard you will have something in the end to be proud of. You can come here and vent all you want and we will offer you support and encouragement you need to get through it . I am happy for you. take care
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