Rage

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by malek, Nov 8, 2006.

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  1. malek

    malek Well-Known Member

    Hi everyone,

    Well I was here a while back.

    I don’t know why I came back since it wont change anything

    I’m 25 and have been clinically depressed since the age of 8.

    I have a wife

    I have 2 kids

    I want to die more than ever.

    For those of you who think getting a girlfriend will help … it wont … it just makes things harder.

    I did my first suicide attempt I was 9 … I wish I had gone through with it.

    People will tell you it will get better … it wont

    Doctors will tell you pills will work … it wont

    I don’t want to kill my self but I want to die more than anything else. With the amount of people that dies on this hell whole we call earth why cant it be me. Why cant I be hit by a car or struck from above.

    I cant kills my self because of my kids. I wouldn’t want someone telling them that their dad killed himself but I wouldn’t mind it if it was an accident or something.

    The older I get the more I get to know women the more I truly HATE every single one of them. People used to say to me women get better with age … they don’t they only get crazier and more desperate.

    My wife is the laziest women ever she never does anything for me or the kids and has trouble getting out of bed in the morning while I have to get up to go to work to put food on the table.

    I live each day never wanting to see the next
    I sleep each night never wanting to wake up
    I spend each waking moment praying for the sweet release of death.

    I know now life will never get better … it never does or it’s only momentarily
    I know now women are all the same … manipulative, controlling and totally irresonable
    I know now that nothing on this earth will ever make me happy.

    What choice do I have left.

    Live a life of sadness and pain for my kids
    Kill my self
    Get killed

    God I hate this fucking planet and the fucking human race if I could blow everything up and kill everyone on earth I would.

    edit: and i forgot to mention i was diagnosed last year as Bipolar after spending a few months in the hospital ... yea that didn't help either.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 8, 2006
  2. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Ha ha so I am right. Females are evil and not to be trusted ha ha ha. Thanks for confirming this belief.

    Also I hope you don't mind if I use tidbits of your story to fortify my childfree beliefs?

    I have no advice for you really. I don't knwo what advice I can give you that would help. Mainly since you cannot escape the situation that you are currently in.
     
  3. malek

    malek Well-Known Member

    the only escape is death and i'm waiting for it ... every day ... every night

    i could make a suicide look like an accident but knowing my past no one would believe it.
     
  4. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Hmmm yeah, well you know you could take up a dangerous hobby like me I ski, I am very good so the difficulty of what I ski is ridiculous... not to give off any ideas that I am trying to kill myself during skiing in fact during skiing is the only time I experience what I think is happiness.
     
  5. malek

    malek Well-Known Member

    the only time i'm happy is when i watch a good movie and that i immerse my self in it and totally forget i'm alive and that life sucks.

    appart from that i have no joy in anything.
     
  6. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Oh cool wel then watch movies... good movies... that involve violence. But I guess you cannot watch them all the time.

    But I just want to thank you again for reaffirming my beliefs that real life relationships are pointless.
     
  7. sleeper82

    sleeper82 Member

    Im curious,
    Why do you hate women? You had two kids with this women, I mean its ok to hate her cause shes lazy, I can undertand that but what makes you hate her so much. Sorry I cant help you bring more clarity to your sitaution.
     
  8. make_me_bad

    make_me_bad Well-Known Member

    YEAH.
     
  9. ealdc

    ealdc Guest

    I used to do that all the time and it did really help. Every once in awhile I go to the movies and see one I really enjoy and I get really depressed after cuz I'm back in my own shitty world. When I was younger I thought that if I became an actress I would be truly happy. LOL.

    I'm a woman and I don't understand men at all. I hate them most of the time. It is okay to think the way you do. I would be hypocritical if I told you otherwise. But I agree your wife sounds like a loser, but she has her own story. Couples therapy probably wouldn't work but it could be worth a shot. If not, you should get a divorce.

    Don't get stuck in a rut in a relationship you can't stand being in. Your kids are better off if you divorce now, even though they may not think so. My mom and dad started hating each other and fighting when I was about 5, just after my youngest sister was born. (my mom said when she found out she was pregnant with her she cried because she felt like one more child would trap her even more in the marriage.) My parents stayed together because of financial reasons but have slept in separate rooms for 13 years and still fight on a daily basis.

    I wish my dad left a loooooong time ago. Not because I don't love him. I wish he moved into an apartment and I could have gone back and forth. Who knows, they could have been re-married and I could have step-siblings. Oh, the possibilities! But as it stands I still feel like I'm 12 begging them to shut up or fight outside so I can go to sleep.
     
  10. johnnnn

    johnnnn Member

    Get a divorce. The root of your depression seems to come SOLELY from women, particularly your wife. Most guys dont feel that way about women, just you seem to have it out for them cause your wife is so shitty. It would be way better for you, AND your kids to do get a divorce since your wife obviously does nothing for you, or them. Do that before killing yourself cause that will only traumatize them and all those around you for life. A

    If the divorce only makes things worse? Well shit, hopefully you still dont kill yourself but at least its one step you took to try and make yourself happy before you actually went through with it never knowing. You only get to kill yourself once but theres a million other choices and second chances you get in life.
     
  11. Bette

    Bette Guest

    Malek,

    Maybe you are a Misogynist. If that's how you spell it.

    I'm a woman, and I have to agree we can be some manipulating, lazy, creatures, BUT we're all not like that.

    I echo johnnnn's reply only divorce can get really ugly. Especially with you haveing kids. Then again ya get so pissed you fight to live.

    Right now I am actually going through some really tough stuff and it involves my ex husband. I don't hate all men, but as I get older I tend to use them. Why? Because I want to make them all pay for what my ex did and is now doing. That is NOT right.

    Bottom line though is you can't leave your kids. I'm a person who lived my life revolving around my child. I mean not THROUGH her. That'd be my mom. Me though I just left a career so I could raise her. I did date, and I was fortunate enough to have my parents here for my child if I went to a movie and diner. NOW?????????????????? I'm an old, yucky person.

    I intend on changing that.I KNOW there is someone out there for everyone, and if I don't meet that someone I'll just be good to me.

    After seventeen years of raising a child. Having your life be thier dance lessons, vocals, being chaperone mom at every dang field trip. The entire gamut my 17 year old left last week to go live over her dad's. That infuriates me. Not because of me, but because my mom paid her sky high tuition all these years. We were the ones held her when she cried. Stayed up with her all hours of the night with an earache or just plain old blues. I hand out a punishment because she turned her cell phone off during a date and came home at 1:30AM. OH NO NO NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So because I took her phone after my ulcer kicked in. LOL She went and lived with a man who well wasn't here for her much.

    What can we do? I do know though suicide has that stigma, and forever your kids will live with that. I say ditch the wife, and concentrate on your kids.
    It can get better. I do though agree with you that chicks get crazier with age. I sure as heck did.

    Hang tight there. Honestly something good is going to pop up.
     
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