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rage's eating me

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by bigbadaboom, Oct 23, 2008.

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  1. bigbadaboom

    bigbadaboom Guest

    there's a burning energy in my chest with adrenaline pumping most of the time I feel I could lift a fucking car
    the only thing I want now is to beat the shit out of somebody in a very monstrous way
    I've totally became the totally isolated crazy monster stereotype
    the one and only emotion I feel is rage/anger else I'm totally cold hearted

    I'm totally losing everything that once made me human , I'm going crazy
    if I had the right for a gun I would've blown my brains out years ago , quick as hell
    unfortunately I have to either hang or cut which will take long time and pain so fuck that I'm becoming an evil twisted fuck , the only way to stop me will be to kill me

    I do not ask anyone to care nor to help because I don't think anyone online can , but if only there was someone who gave a shit , I'm using the anonymity of this site to get stuff off my chest
  2. Ignored

    Ignored Staff Alumni

    Have you talked about these feelings to anyone... your doc etc? They might be able to help you with what is underlying this.
  3. bigbadaboom

    bigbadaboom Guest

    I don't see a therapist , my family will only bash the fuck out of me if I even try to talk to them about what's going on inside and I can't show weakness in front of anyone because they'll only laugh at me behind my back ( so called friends)
    other fact is that I have severe acne in my face and I don't go out to see anyone or anything
    talk about suicide , I'm already dead , I have no soul just a raging body waiting to be killed
  4. Ignored

    Ignored Staff Alumni

    I'm not sure if you're UK based, but if so your gp could help you with both these things... the anger and the acne. You sound very alone. Please keep talking to us.
  5. bigbadaboom

    bigbadaboom Guest

    I live in a turd world country but doing fine financially because I live with my parents , I am very alone indeed, I live in the upper floor alone and only get up during nights because my sleeping isn't in order
    I haven't gone to school since it began , it's a rat hole anyway , I don't go out and the only friend I had went to med school in another town
    It's a shitty public school with 50 students in each classroom as an average , angry teachers who hate students , I have no future and my parents are very very sick of me staying home being useless and are about to kick me out
    it appears crime will be my only way to make a living until I get killed young , beautiful life.

    thanks for listening
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