Raging on misandry

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by broke, Mar 31, 2013.

  1. broke

    broke Well-Known Member

    Does anyone know what the word "misandry" means without looking it up? I'll bet most know what misogyny means. Misandry is a hatred of men, just as misogyny is a hatred of women. There is a reason why misandry isn't known by most people. Before I get into that...anyone who has read my other posts knows that my main problem is my wife. Right off the bat that sounds like a blatantly misogynistic analysis. I am some middle aged jerk who hates his poor wife. At the very least it is cliché. No one likely takes into consideration that she is a BLACKHOLE. I work to support our family, though I tie my career into a pretzel to make sure my schedule is still flexible enough to spend time with her an the kids. A lot of time. I cook dinner, do the dishes, and clean the house most days when I come home from work. I am supportive of her, I am patient, gentle, and open minded when listening to her talk about her problems. I tell her she is a good person, a good mom. I tell her how beautiful an smart and funny she is, how glad I am that I chose her to raise a family with. I don't cheat on her, I don't abuse her or the kids, and I only go out when it is wit her (like three or four times a year).

    She doesn't work (she blames me for that despite the act that I paid for her to get her GED, for her college, and that while in college I helped her do most of her school work, an despite the fact that I gave her start up money to start her business which has since failed.) She goes out almost every single night, for many hours. When the going out first started I simply asked her to be respectful of me and the family by letting me know ahead of time and by telling me wen she s coming home, and sticking to that. She took that as me trying to control her. She rarely tells me ahead of time she is leaving (I just assume se is going to leave and I plan around it), if I ask her what time she is going to be home she either says "don't start that sht" or she says, "not too long, a couple hours at most". When I ask her for a more specific time she either says "don't start that sht" or "I don't know, two hours at the latest". She is always at least a half hour late, sometimes like 4 hours late. After a month two of that I started getting upset and told her stuff like, "Come on, your the mother of 5 kids, grow up...you don't need to go out every night"....that is when she went nuts and told me I am chaining her to the kitchen, that I don't want her to leave the house, that I am a typical male trying to control his wife. It has been 4 years now that she has been doing this. Now she regularly says she made a big mistake in choosing me to raise a family with, that she never wanted to be a housewife but I have forced her into that role....

    To her I am the archetypal evil white man stereotype. Maybe it is just me, but I really think our current culture facilitates this attitude and behavior of hers. I really am not needed. She could drive us broke at the casino, cheat on me right in my face, verbally abuse me constantly, and if we separated I would have no chance at get custody of our kids- instead I would be paying child support on 5 kids which she would spend at the casino or give to her boyfriend (assuming she would have one). So on top of free food, free healthcare, free place to live, she would also receive cash in terms of support from me. Really I am not needed. Not only does society give her absolutely no incentive to be decent to me at all, but it also reinforces the "husband = badguy" stereotype everywhere you look. It is in the movies, on tv, on the radio, in music, everywhere. All the resources of government, society and culture are poured out for her in legal, material and emotional support.

    What about guys like me? Zero resources. If I am not superman, not independently wealthy, self-debasing, uber-supportive, ultra liberal and so on, I am the bad guy, or a bum, or lazy or whatever. Men today must not only appreciate the "liberated woman" who cuckolds them, they also have to pay for it! Lacking anyone close to talk to about it (other than the miserable, emasculated, beaten group of eunuchs that one can call his friends), here is also nothing in the media to help shore ones morale up. Just things which justify HER perspective. It is like "Ohhh...I wish someone would have told me that marriage and kids = being punished for every abusive husband that ever lived". Enraged and at the end of my rope. The impotent angry rantings of an accomplished middle aged man against the immutable cultural tsunami that crushes him down to nothingness. :dejection:
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry ADMIN

    Just wanted you to know I read your post, and what you're going through isn't fair. I wish there was more I could say, some sort of advice I could offer. The system is ridiculously flawed, and we see evidence of that time and time again.

    All I can do is offer a listening ear if you ever want to talk (or vent).
  3. broke

    broke Well-Known Member

    Thank you so much for your kindness. What I said there could easily be taken as a political rant or whatever, and I totally recognize that many many women are abused and that misogyny is a real problem in todays world. It s just real easy to view this world as being constructed specifically to thwart you, when your going through hell. Like the laws of physics themselves were designed for the express purpose of some cosmic heavily personal trolling.

    My 8 year old sons birthday party- at the end of it- her and her mom were talking to me in the doorway between the kitchen and the dining room (where the party was wrapping up). Without provocation and following no argument or disagreement her mother says, "...ya, you know, I could never see what good men are. To take out the trash and pay the bills, otherwise who needs em". My wife looked at the trash that was full from the party and says "ya, and he doesn't even take out the trash". On the way to driving her mom home, they stopped at the casino for about 5 hours, to leave me with a houseful of ids, by myself, to clean up the mess. My son asked "where is mommy", and following that he got into a row with his brother a started crying saying that this was the worst birthday ever. He started breaking his gifts, I stopped him and talked to him and called her to tell her he was in a bad way and was asking for his mom. She came home 3 hours later and blamed me for his fit, saying that I don't know how to take care of our kids. That was a couple days ago. ffs I don't wanna do this anymore.
  4. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    Sounds like you are speaking from a place of utter anger at your situation. and I do not blame you one bit. You describe being between a rock and a hard place, as they say. with no way you can see of getting out that would be of benefit to you. My brother was married to a rageaholic. He paid her a lot of money when they got divorced. She ended up getting remarried. That set him free financially. I hope that gives you hope. Its intended to do that. btw, her second marriage didnt last a month. But my brother still got off the alamony hook.

    I hope that someday you can find a good woman with whom you could have a mutual honoring relationship. Have you considered looking for a mens group? one where you can get support irl? In addition to coming here, of course. Just thinking that irl support might help. I wish I could say more. Because I do feel for you.
  5. WildCherry

    WildCherry ADMIN

    I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I don't even have many words, because what your wife says and does is just making me so angry. Have you spoken to a lawyer at all about how your case would look if you tried for a divorce? Because you don't deserve what she's doing to you!!
  6. Much afraid

    Much afraid Well-Known Member

    Broke, I am so sorry ~ there aren't adequate words to help I'm afraid. I guess we can see where your wife learned her deplorable attitudes and action examples... :(

    I agree with those who are hoping for support for you irl as well as the support we can offer here. You are under so much pressure that a little human contact irl along with some encouragement might you help a little (or maybe a lot.) Thinking of you and your children ♥
  7. broke

    broke Well-Known Member

    Thanks, you guys are helping a lot. I have never been a person who goes to support groups or seeks that out from other people, but when I saw where I was headed I thought I better try to use some of the support that is actually here. Haven't thought much about rl support groups, maybe I should. In terms of divorce, all I am really looking at is child support and probably losing my house to her. Theoretically the child support is fine, I want to provide for my kids. I DO NOT want to provide for her, for trips to the casino, for whatever boyfriend she happens to find. Her getting the house is also fine with me, my children need a place to live. What isn't fine with me are the kinds of guys I know she tends to go for, outside of me. Abusive dopeheads and alcoholics. Seeing my kids in an environment like that would lead to some extreme actions on my part.

    The most appealing course of action to me is meeting a woman and at the very least, making a very close friend. I like other men well enough, but honestly most men I know either don't want to talk about emotional stuff or are beaten down to nothing themselves. Most of the ones my age either have totally subservient wives and are pigs, or they are totally subservient themselves.

    I had an action plan I followed for about a year. The goal was to leave her when all of the pieces were in place. It was going well, was about 3/4ths complete when suddenly my wife turned herself around. I fell for it and let my plan fall apart. About 6 months after that (six months ago), she started going into a nose dive again. Tough to keep doing this. I have to let my feelings for her totally die. Meeting someone else would go a long way towards that. btw my wife thinks we both can date other people outside the house an still somehow function as a family and live together. She said she doesn't want to do that, but it would help me. That kind of messes with my head. If I really was seeing someone and she found out, she would lose it.

    We had along talk before she left last night. She thinks going out every night for hours is ok. I told her she is rejecting me and her kids. She made the point she is home in the daytime so shes not rejecting us, or even me. How can she possibly think that?

    EDIT: I really don't have enough money to get a lawyer. My income has fluctuated between 70k and 30k a year the past several years. That's the high life if your single but f you got a big family it barely gets you by.

    Yes, I have this fantasy. Of separate housing for my wife and myself. We split custody of the kids so I get all of them half of the days and she gets them the other half. In this fantasy I have a loving an supportive girlfriend with her own problems which I am happy to hear about and support her in. A truly kind soul. lol wth is going on when a guys female-fantasies involve kindness and unconditional love and not how they look or any anatomical features. I've already brought up split custody to my wife and she shoots it down right away. I think she will fight me tooth and nail no matter what I do. She is lucky. When I was doing my action plan, I had accumulated evidence and saved resources to pay for the whole thing (was making more money) or me to get full custody. I guess I am kind of babbling. I'll stop. :p
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 1, 2013