:dunno: It's like this anger is literally eating me from the inside. I try to keep it in and in, cos everytime I let it out I end up in big trouble and I'm at the point where I really have to be VERY careful with whatever I say and do cos the slightest misstep will end up in me having to leave this site permanently, which is not really what I want. But yeh. So I keep it in. Try to act normal to everyone, try to act all happy, but I just can't. it's starting to even cost me too much energy to type "hey" into messengers or wherever. It's starting to cost me too much energy to move, to think, to keep my eyes open, to breathe even costs me so much energy. Flashbacks keep coming. They are getting worse today and yesterday. I hate them. dreams are back full speed again. Mum asking me to come with her to live with her and S. To be a happy family with the three of us... I want a hashcookie so badly, but then again I'm scared. what if she comes when I'm high and I end up killing myself to go with her? I don't think about consequences of my actions when I'm high. My eyes are tired, my body is tired, my mind is tired, but I can't sleep :blink: Someone please kill me. There is so much more I want to say here, but I can't. I'm just too tired. So I sit here. and stop this writing. I dont'even know what I"m writing anymore. I dont make sense, my head doesn't make sense, my mind doesnt follow my train of thoughts anymore. I'm lost. I wanna die. I'm tired.