*raises shoulders*

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Sa Palomera, Jun 9, 2007.

  1. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member


    It's like this anger is literally eating me from the inside. I try to keep it in and in, cos everytime I let it out I end up in big trouble and I'm at the point where I really have to be VERY careful with whatever I say and do cos the slightest misstep will end up in me having to leave this site permanently, which is not really what I want. But yeh.
    So I keep it in. Try to act normal to everyone, try to act all happy, but I just can't. it's starting to even cost me too much energy to type "hey" into messengers or wherever.
    It's starting to cost me too much energy to move, to think, to keep my eyes open, to breathe even costs me so much energy.

    Flashbacks keep coming. They are getting worse today and yesterday. I hate them. dreams are back full speed again. Mum asking me to come with her to live with her and S. To be a happy family with the three of us...
    I want a hashcookie so badly, but then again I'm scared. what if she comes when I'm high and I end up killing myself to go with her? I don't think about consequences of my actions when I'm high.

    My eyes are tired, my body is tired, my mind is tired, but I can't sleep :blink:
    Someone please kill me.

    There is so much more I want to say here, but I can't. I'm just too tired. So I sit here. and stop this writing. I dont'even know what I"m writing anymore. I dont make sense, my head doesn't make sense, my mind doesnt follow my train of thoughts anymore.

    I'm lost. I wanna die. I'm tired.
  2. Insignificant

    Insignificant Account Closed

    i am so sorry to hear that you are feeling this way lady. bad feelings should be outlawed. but unfortunately they're not. might i suggest that all that you are angry about you put to paper and definately not the net just paper. i mean just let it go and go and go. this might take a little time given your fatigue but that's ok as long as it comes out. this way it's not hurting anyone else especially u. when you're done i would suggest burning as a symbol of being done with and don't hold. it's not always as simple as that might sound but it is tremendously helpful none the less.

    i really do hope you get to feeling better, and most importantly i don't want to see you go (in any form). so please no matter what you do please take care of yourself and stay safe.

    if u ever need to talk i'm here. u and i have never really spoken much and i don't know really what goes on here and that's ok. but i guess my point being is i am a nuetral individual. i can side to no one. might be helpful if you're willing.
  3. I think U should take a break. U need to stop trying to help everyone. U need to help yourself. That's what most important. Take a trip away from your life. Try something new. Doing the same thing days after day isn't good for the soul. I'm sure U have lots of friend here and everyone keeps saying help me help me, but your brain just can't handle all the stress on this site. Take a vacation. Go camping, if u like camping. Go visit a friend who has never heard of SF. Your only human U can only take so much stress...
  4. ybt

    ybt Guest

    as for this website, if you're going to scream, my skype is open so go ahead
  5. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    thanks guys, I slept for an hour and half and feel a tad better now. :hug: all of you.