And thus, I have reached to the conclusion that this man, me, do not deserve the blessings of life. God should have given the blessings that he had given to someone more deserving. To those who desire life above all else, and not me who wished and still wishes to be snuffed out of existence. An entire life erased, leaving not even a single trace. To disappear, and memories to be forgotten as the being that is me, annulled. To me, even the light from the end of the tunnel is not a sign of walking out into the sunlight, but the light from a train. I'm such an undeserving, spoiled little brat. How can I say I want to kill myself when there are countless others wanting to live? How can I say I want to lose my life when I have friends and family who would be devastated by my actions? How can I say I am what I am, when in reality I am just a weakling, full of fear and anxiety, and the desire to run away from all his problems? How can I say I want to live when deep in my heart I wanted to be completely erased from ever existing? God forgive my selfish thoughts. I can no longer see victory, I can only see a never ending spiral into death. I can no longer see the blessings, when living itself becomes a burden. I can no longer feel excitement, when this soul is tired of being alive. I can no longer feel joy, when all I see is the different shades of grey. God, forgive me. You love the world so much that you sacrificed Jesus on the cross, but here I am loathing the life that your Son bled for. Will you forgive me for all the things that I have done, for all the thoughts that I have, and for all that would be done in the future? Will you forgive me for being such a worthless wretch, comparable to parasites living off others? I can no longer be strong. I can no longer be courageous. For I have come to understand the pointlessness of living. All the wonders and joy in the world will fail in front of the great adversity. The meaninglessness of life. And so, let me disappear. Let my existence be erased. Let memories of be forgotten. So that no pain and no suffering will come to those who know me as family and friend. Let me not be a burden to anyone else anymore.