I just received the following e-mail from a woman I was in grad school with: "in class...how is your job coming along, are you happy? I hope so, because you so deserve it... Hugs" This just made me break down in tears. I haven't told most of my friends this, but I walked off my job at the end of July. It (and other things) caused me to have a complete mental breakdown and I couldn't handle it anymore. This is the second job I have quit for this reason. I quit my job with no savings and no plan. I have been under-employed or unemployed since 2003, and have gone long stretches with little or no income. I have tried to save money, but I haven't been able to. I'm too ashamed of myself to tell people I quit my job. I feel weak. I'm even more ashamed by my failure to get a decent job after six years of looking. People always think I'm doing something horribly wrong in my applications. Trust me, if I were, I'd have figured it out in less than six years. A woman who was a manager at an organization I volunteered for did a secret criminal background check on me because after looking at my resumes and cover letters she just couldn't believe that I'd been rejected from so many hundreds of jobs. I'm clean as a whistle. I am no longer seeking employment. I am just too tired and too demoralized. I have not paid rent since July, and I am getting evicted. I have nowhere to go. I'm trying to pack my things, but it's hard when I don't have any way to transport them or any place to transport them to. I know this is my fault, but I couldn't face another day at that job. I was getting "talked to" about my performance in a job that was beneath me, frustrating, and didn't pay enough for me to live. I completely broke down sobbing two days in a row and if I hadn't walked off they certainly would have fired me. My last day there my supervisor told me "We've fired people for less, but we know you have potential." I have had a lot of really bad low-level, low-wage temp jobs. I used to be able to handle it, but I am now completely worn down. I've lost hope. I got a master's degree in hopes that my lack of experience would be overlooked, but I still hear time and time again: "You interview well, but we found someone with more experience." I haven't had my master's for long, but I went through so much hell in grad school and the problems just keep piling up. I am beyond my breaking point. I'm trying to find transitional housing, but I will have to give up my cat. My cat is one of the very few things keeping me from killing myself. My best friend (who lives over 1,000 miles away) lost her brother to suicide and the loss she feels over that hurts me, too. I never met her brother, but I see what his death did to her and it pains me. I don't want to do that to her, but lately she avoids talking to me so then it makes me feel like she doesn't care, anyway. I know that's not the way to think about it. I do have a plan, but not the materials to carry it out. And the timing isn't right. I don't know what will have to happen before I finally go that route. Even when I was working, I had to forgo electricity because I couldn't pay my bill. Imagine the poverty I live in now. This isn't a money management problem...I've gone so long with so little money that even when I earn a salary I could live on, I spend so much money playing catch-up that I can't afford even basic things. Once, during my last job, I lost my keys in the middle of night and didn't have money for a cab home or a locksmith. Even the tiniest problems turn into huge ordeals when you don't have the money to deal with them. Once my car broke down while I was on my way home from the doctor, and I had no money so I was stranded for hours and coughing up blood. I had to rely on the kindness of strangers to get my car towed. And I was still at my job at the time. This is my life. I have no money and cannot afford any of my medications, so it does not help that I went off all my antidepressants and thyroid drugs (and other drugs) cold turkey. I did the same thing last year when I walked off another horrible customer service job, and I had to be without drugs for two months. I developed a giant goiter and could hardly get out of bed. I do not have a goiter yet, but I can sleep 16-20 hours a day no problem. When I have things to do, I'm more alert, but not much more. Part of the problem at my last job was that I had so much brain fog that I couldn't remember what I was doing one minute to the next. I'm not even sure what I'm reaching out for. Perhaps just venting. I have no idea how to respond to that woman's e-mail. Maybe I don't deserve to be happy.