• Apologies for the issue with a bizarre redirect on the site earlier today. There was a large server update and an error in an IP address had the traffic routing wrongly. No hacking or anything nefarious and nothing to worry about. Sorry for any stress/anxiety caused. Very best wishes - SF Admin


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Fuck it!! I dont wanne be in love, I dont want people to love me. Its so easy to hate me. Why the fuck do you have to love me? Why the fuck do you want me alive? Why cant my family just hate me? Why cant you just hate me? Love hurts more than hate. I dont want to be here anymore, I dont belong here, just let me go, you want me to be happy, than hate me, let me die. I dont see a future, I dont have a future, I dont see hope, there is no hope, there is nothing to look forward too. And you can say you will feel better, just take your pills, go to the psych and you will be fine and happy in a few months or years, this is just a period. Bullshit!! This has been going on for years, I will never accept myself, I will never love myself, so I will always bring myself down, always let people hurt me, me hurting myself, that means that I will never be happy. And I know you want me to be happy, so just hate me!

Why do I have you in my love? I dont deserve you, I dont deserve your love, friendship, respect, kindness or whatever. I dont want it. I just want to die without hurting someone. I dont want to hurt you, I love you. But maybe I just should, its not so bad, I am replaceble. There are way better daughters, friends or lovers around. I am just nothing. I really am, why cant you see that? And I want to be nothing. Because if no one sees me as a daughter, a friend or a lover I am nothing. No one cares about losing nothing. So no one would care about losing me.

If you look in me in the eyes, look deep and you will see how I really feel. Look at my limbs, look good because they are covered with clothes and you will see the scars. You will see so much pain, lies, hate, I hate myself so much, why cant you see what i see, why cant you hate me? Yeah I know, I never look people in the eyes and my limbs are always covered. Maybe I should just show it, I want people to hate me. So I will just make everyone happy when I commit suicide. I will be happy you will be happy, everyone will be happy, sounds good huh!

Oh yeah, if i wont be online the next days, weeks, months, its because my laptop is acting fucked lately and the power isnt working so probly cant get on it anymore soon. Will try to let someone know if that happens. I need to let a geek check it or buy a new one. Or maybe I od-ed, because I bought enough pills for it today and hopefully i will die

Anyway, my dearest parents, my dearest friends, my love, I love you, I dont want to hurt you and to make everything just easier and better, just hate me, its not that hard, just look me deep in the eyes, that will make me happy, than I finally can commit suicide without hurting you, without you missing me.

Ok sorry, I really was rambling and whining to much, but I guess you can call that letting it out too, probly forgot too much what i wanted to say >.<

I know exactly how you feel. Especially about the love bit. I'm in a similar situation. I just want him to hate me. I can completely understand you on this one. But obviously they see something in you which they have fallen in love with. You can't help who you fall in love with remember that. I learnt that lesson.

Hun, how many people here love and care about you? LOTS!!!! we all care about you for a reason. We all love you. Your such an amazing, talented, sweet girl!! (my list could go on for pages and pages!) but you don't see that because we all see the worst in ourselfs. NO ONE WILL BE HAPPY IF YOU DIED!! I would be my life that no one would be happy. It would be a great loss to me, everyone and the world. Please stay strong hun. You have my numer if you wanna talk. Im here any time. Love you hun.

Vikkers x :wink:

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