maybe i should not be posting here , i do not know. i've been depressed on and off for sometime now. i am so unhappy i have to work hard to try to be happy around my friends and family and it is draining , i just want to push everyone away. i do find it hard to see what other poeple like about me because i feel so worthless. i feel at times that i so want to die , not all the time but i get moments of such clarity. i'm thinking of buying a number of headache , sleeping pills from the chemists this weekend. i do not know if those pills will work. thats all i want to say for now. Dean.