rambling

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by ithuriel, Dec 28, 2007.

  1. ithuriel

    ithuriel Well-Known Member

    maybe i should not be posting here , i do not know.
    i've been depressed on and off for sometime now.
    i am so unhappy i have to work hard to try to be happy around my friends and family and it is draining , i just want to push everyone away.
    i do find it hard to see what other poeple like about me because i feel so worthless.
    i feel at times that i so want to die , not all the time but i get moments of such clarity. i'm thinking of buying a number of headache , sleeping pills from the chemists this weekend. i do not know if those pills will work.
    thats all i want to say for now.
    Dean.
     
  2. Melancholy

    Melancholy Well-Known Member

    Welcome to SF, Dean :smile:

    I hope you can find the support that you need on here to overcome your depression and suicidal thoughts. When you feel able, start posting some more about yourself, you may find that gradually it helps release all the emotions locked up inside.

    Let me just say that buying pills is a bad idea. The success rate of an overdose is very low indeed and can leave you with other serious problems. Please, please don't do that to yourself, it is not worth it.

    Take care, if you ever need to talk to someone then my PM box is always open,
    Lauren
    :hug:
     
  3. ithuriel

    ithuriel Well-Known Member

    thankyou for your kindness:smile:
    i am 39 , my birthday was last week.
    i am single and live alone in a little house in leicester , england.
    just talking here has made me feel a little better today.
    i will try not to do anything silly but i can't promise.
     
  4. Melancholy

    Melancholy Well-Known Member

    Happy Birthday for last week :tongue:

    Don't hesitate to ask for help if things get so overwhelming that you think you might do something silly, it's always worth a shot :cool:

    Lauren xxx
     
  5. Ruby

    Ruby Well-Known Member

    Don't take an overdose, it'll only make things worse. Would you go and see a doctor?
     
  6. ithuriel

    ithuriel Well-Known Member

    i've been thinking of seeing a doctor but i just do not know , i'm a little confused at the moment at times.
     
  7. Panther

    Panther Well-Known Member

    has something specific happened to make you feel like this ie a loss? How long have you been depressed for?
     
  8. ithuriel

    ithuriel Well-Known Member

    many number of things i suppose , i've been coping with my depression since my teens.
    my dad , according to my mum used to be heavy handed though i cant remember much of my childhood to be honest. i was bullied quite a bit at school and then had to watch my grandad dying of cancer when i was a kid because my gran kicked him out and he came to live with our family.
    after my grandad died the family split apart with my dad leaving for another woman and things have just been crappy ever since.
    i've never been able to form a close relationship with anyone and even keep my best friends at arms length.
    i think i have just reached a point where deep down inside i maybe want to give up:sad:
    if my sisters boyfriend , who was one of my best friends had not supposedly , ( i still can't believe he did it , ) killed himself a few years ago i think i would have ended things then but his death shocked me into continuing.
    then last year i suffered an accident , i think deep down i wanted to hurt myself but it just ended up making me feel even worse.
    other poeple suffer worst but get by , i just do not know why i struggle to and i feel so guilty for having these feelings and ashamed:sad:
     
  9. Panther

    Panther Well-Known Member

    yeah that's certainly not easy stuff to deal with. I don't think it's an issue what other people suffer, and don't think that you are weak. At least you're honest.
    what is the biggest issue that's facing you right now?
     
  10. ithuriel

    ithuriel Well-Known Member

    low self esteem , work related , loneliness , moneytary , family.
    it can be hard being in the middle when one of my brothers hates my youngest sister etc.,
    i'm just trying to get my emotional balance back , i was deeply unhappy just before xmas , then xmas eve / day i reached a period of happiness before really crashing boxing day. ive only just started to feel happy again.
    i am worried because i dont want to fall again but i can feel it coming , i'm just going to try to stay happy for has long has i can.