Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by clare, Feb 5, 2009.

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  1. clare

    clare Active Member

    im starting to feel numb again. im scared the only way im gonna feel is to make myself hurt. i wish i knew another way of making myself FEEL!
    i feel like lifes starting to get on top of me again and feel like i have zero control. when i cut i feel like i have some control.i dont want to cut, i know that when i do i'm just gonna feel guilty, and like a let down.
    everyday i see the scars of past cuts and i feel ashamed, but it doesnt stop me feeling the urge to add more. i want to see myself bleed and i want to feel my skin slice open.
    i find myself holding the blades, staring at them willing myself to not use them. i press them into my fingertips, does that count as self harm?
    think the serious lack of sleep is startin to affect me. i've done so well for the past four months, i've only added three new cuts...hopefully none will scar.
    sorry i know this is rambling, im just typing what comes into my head and im sorry if this triggers anybody.
  2. jane doe

    jane doe Well-Known Member

    never be sorry, try hard to feel better everyday hun! *hugs*
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