Ramblings through a lost mind

Discussion in 'Poet's Corner' started by LotusFlower, Apr 9, 2010.

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  1. LotusFlower

    LotusFlower Antiquities Friend

    I have taken some advice and decided to put my poetry in here.(Thanks Bambi) They may be triggering so please read with caution. I am not very good, and I suck at punctuation. Comments are welcome. I guess this is sort of like a diary, so if its not in the right place feel free to move it.
  2. LotusFlower

    LotusFlower Antiquities Friend

    How long has it been?

    How long has it been since I have seen the sun?
    Hidden from view,
    behind the clouds.
    Longing for it's warmth,
    to fill the void inside.
    Hungry for the feeling of basking,
    and soaking in the healing light.
    How long has it been since I have heard the wind?
    Rustling through the tree tops,
    rushing past my skin.
    Taking with it the pain,
    so I could start again.
    How long has it been since I have felt the rain?
    Pouring from the sky,
    washing over me.
    Stripping the dirt away.
    How long has it been since I have taken hold of life.
    Held on to the reins,
    and lead the way?
    Guided myself through the present,
    instead of holding onto the past.
    How long has it been?
  3. LotusFlower

    LotusFlower Antiquities Friend


    You left me broken on a shelf,
    alone to gather dust.
    Put away like a ragged porcelain doll.
    To fragile to hold.
    To shattered to love.
    I am growing old.
    The dust thickens and settles.
    The cobwebs gather round.
    My broken parts put in a box,
    ready to be tossed out.
  4. LotusFlower

    LotusFlower Antiquities Friend

    Walk away from my mind

    I think I will walk away from my mind.
    Travel to a place further away,
    escape the pain that is.
    Go and watch the sun set.
    Dip my toes in the ocean.
    Leave the worries of life behind.
    Follow my delusions to the fullest,
    walk away from it all.
    Leave it all behind.
    Go further then I have ever gone before.
    Maybe I will never make it back.
    Disappear inside myself,
    hide from the pain.
    Forget about discovering where it all began.
    Travel through the stars,
    go somewhere warm.
    Stay put,
    and listen to the breeze.
    As I say goodbye to sanity,
    looking for a better place,
    and leave it all behind.
  5. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    wow those are truly beautiful and you have been able to capture the feeling that many here have had in to such wonderful words. I hope you continue to share more. I feel your sense of being lost but remember we are never as lost as we feel and that the other shore is not far away no matter how adrift we feel.

    please share more you words are healing to the soul.
  6. LotusFlower

    LotusFlower Antiquities Friend

    Goodbye Apology

    Forgive me for all that I have become.
    Inside I have come undone
    The clouds have come
    The storm is here.
    Forgive me if I break your heart
    No amount of crying
    will change my mind
    Please bury me
    The darkness has eaten away at my heart
    I can't breath
    The pain is crushing
    Tearing me down.
    What life would you have
    if I lived to see 35?
    Could you imagine another day
    with me this way.
    You need to let me go
    I have lost all control.
    I need to leave it all behind.
    Move on to the end,
    and forget where it began.
    Bury me
    I am sorry once again
    for the suffering I have caused.
    Please accept my apology
    for things I could never say.
    It is better this way.
    If I just go away.
    I am sorry
    but this will have to be my goodbye apology
  7. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    beautiful poetry....very moving....HUGS
  8. DawsonJ

    DawsonJ Well-Known Member

    Very heartfelt, LotusFlower. I appreciate your "diary." It helps to know I'm not alone.
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 10, 2010
  9. LotusFlower

    LotusFlower Antiquities Friend

    I relive what you did to me (possible triggering)

    I relive what you did to me.
    I relive it in my dreams
    I relive it in the night time shadows.
    The way the sun shines through the window.
    I relive the pain
    in the intrusive thoughts
    and the flashbacks that happen.
    I relive what you did to me
    when I look at my daughter
    when my husband touches me.
    When the pain becomes to much.
    I relive what you did to me.
    It the way a room smells
    Or the smells of men
    I relive what you did to me
    Every time I have my cycle
    Every time I shower.
    I relive what you did to me
    when I hear a child cry
    when I hear the words you lie.
    I relive what you did to me
  10. cownes

    cownes Well-Known Member

    wow, such amazing poerty!! :hug: keep posting :smile:
  11. LotusFlower

    LotusFlower Antiquities Friend

    If I told you

    If I told you I did not love you,
    would you believe the lie?
    If I told you I did not need you,
    would it make it easier to say goodbye?
  12. LotusFlower

    LotusFlower Antiquities Friend


    My skin is scared
    slash marks and burns
    cover it like the pock marks upon the moon.
    Each one represents pain,
    the hurt of it all.
    My skin is scared
    Red and inflamed from new ones
    white and flat from old.
    The scars ever present.
    Part of my story gets told.
    I see you stare,
    I see you whisper
    Do not judge what you can not understand.
    I am not looking for attention
    I am not looking for your pity.
    My scars are there,
    like the pink elephant in the room
  13. LotusFlower

    LotusFlower Antiquities Friend

    The burden that was me.

    The rain came down,
    It washed me away.
    Swept me down into the mud.
    The burden that was me,
    was washed down stream.
    Swept into the ocean,
    where I was pulled into the undertow.
    Sinking to the bottom,
    into the murk and sand.
    I slowly drowned
    The burden that was me is no more.
    At last you are free.
    From the burden that was me.
  14. LotusFlower

    LotusFlower Antiquities Friend

    I am sorry (Apology to my husband)

    The words I am sorry
    Can never put the past away
    The words I have tried
    Don’t seem to carry on
    The darkness has come to fast
    It found me when I was on my knees
    I wish I could find a cure
    For what has made me weak
    The guilt has eaten me alive
    The happiness has been a delusion
    Everything was misunderstood.
    I smiled for you,
    Well I was dying on the inside.
    I regret many things.
    I regret that I have brought you along.
    The words I am sorry
    Will never be enough
    To make up for what has been.
    Sit down have some time
    It would never be enough to explain my mind.
    Things have gone so wrong
    I never meant to bring you along
    It got out of control
    I found no way out
    To stop even on this very day
    Except to tell you the words
    I am sorry , and wish it all away
  15. LotusFlower

    LotusFlower Antiquities Friend

    One minute of peace.

    I would trade it all for peace
    For one minute of silences
    One minute of relief.
    Silence the voices
    Stop the memories.
    I would trade it all for one minute of peace
    To be someone different
    To have some distance from my self
    Longing for the darkness to remove itself
    Wash away the pain
    Wash away the grief
    I would trade it all for one minute of peace.
  16. LotusFlower

    LotusFlower Antiquities Friend

    Farther to fall

    You can't save me,
    I can't even save myself.
    I thought I hit the bottom,
    but I was wrong.
    I had farther to fall

    The pain eats me up,
    and spits me out.
    I don't feel real anymore
    and I take all the blame
    for all the pain that is in store.

    I don't know if I am strong enough
    to hold on anymore
    To try and take the steps forward
    When I always feel like I am going back

    The ground has fallen away again
    My heart has shattered all over.
    I don't know if I will ever get it back.
    How much farther can I fall?

    Hold on they say
    Just one more day
    But I can't find my grip
    there is nothing left to hold on to
    and so many reasons to go

    Nothing left for me to do now
    Running out of reasons to stay
    Trying to find a reason
    To hold on one more day
    I thought I hit the bottom
    but I had it all wrong
    For there was so much further
    I had left to fall.

    (did not spell check so I know there are mistakes)
  17. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    :hug: :flowers:
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