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Ramblings

Dani24

Well-Known Member
#1
Do you ever just feel completely invisible, like you could run away and nobody would actually notice?
You ask me why I'm so angry ? The truth is , when you feel sad for so long , it eventually angers you .Do you ever feel like life just isn’t for you? How am I suppose to get passed all this. Somedays it’s easy, but other days I just everything to stop and let me breath and be in peace.
what’s more selfish
committing suicide or forcing someone to stay in a world where they are so unhappy?
i think I really messed up.
Recovery feels strange because for so long you got used to the loudness. The presence of the intense pain was almost something you could rely on to be there when everything else was so uncertain. The pain was in itself a coping mechanism. Do this so you don't have to deal with that. Everyone always says it gets better. But the truth is sometimes your situation doesn't change, you do. And so when the pain begins to ease there's a quiet that is so difficult to become accustomed to. And yet you know this is what you need, it is what you must try and fall in love with to replace your mind's attraction to destruction. You must come round to the fact that life is at times mind numbingly boring, it is at times exhilarating and yet you must keep faith that one day life will be more appealing than illness.
 

Nick

☆☆Ducking Fantastic ☆☆
Staff member
Safety & Support
SF Supporter
#2
Do I feel completely invisible? Sometimes, yes I do feel that way. Someone I respect very much told me once "feelings are not facts". I was honestly pretty pissed off by that at the time, but she's right. I do at times feel invisible, but that doesn't make me invisible. My best friend would certainly notice if I were to suddenly disappear. A few people here might notice my absence. My boss would notice my work wasn't getting done. My "family" might not notice, but they don't notice much about my life.

Some days you do just need to stop and breath. I'm not fixing myself anymore, I'm taking a break. The pressure was too much. Sometimes you just have to slow down and not try to solve everything today.

I don't ever promise anyone that things will get better. I have no way of knowing that. I can say things do change, things do get different. As you pointed you, you change. Learning to live in a world where you aren't ruled by mental illness is it's own experience. I can't answer for anyone else why they would stay in this world. I had to come up with my own reasons, and they have adapted and changed over time. I think you're on the right path here, but some days are just plain hard. The journey isn't easy.
 

sinking_ship

woman overboard
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#3
you must keep faith that one day life will be more appealing than illness.
This is definitely where I'm at right now. Part of me trying to remember why I decided to fight to move forward, part of me pulling constantly backwards, neither direction quite feeling right. I just keep hoping that it will feel worth it one day, sticking around. I hope that happens for you too.
 

MosesY

Well-Known Member
#4
I have never felt invisible. I do not know that feeling. People have always made fun of me, made fun of my name, made fun of the way I look and the way I am. I have never felt invisible. I have never experienced constant pain. At one time I had constant pain in my left hip. I worked for a long time to find a solution but eventually got a cortisone shot and the pain went away. I have been in the hospital twice with suicidal ideation. Now I take one day at a time. Today will be good, I have a lot of things to do this morning but the afternoon will be mine. I am going out to eat with a friend to Texas Roadhouse. I have beer and whiskey. Some days are good and some days are bad. I like the memories of the good days to outweigh the bad. I am sorry that is not happening for you; I feel your pain. Sometimes life just does not get better. I would look hard for something to live for, whether that is spirituality, the small pleasures in life, or a good friend. I do hop that things get better for you.
 

Holding my breath

Well-Known Member
#5
Recovery feels strange because for so long you got used to the loudness. The presence of the intense pain was almost something you could rely on to be there when everything else was so uncertain. The pain was in itself a coping mechanism. Do this so you don't have to deal with that. Everyone always says it gets better. But the truth is sometimes your situation doesn't change, you do. And so when the pain begins to ease there's a quiet that is so difficult to become accustomed to. And yet you know this is what you need, it is what you must try and fall in love with to replace your mind's attraction to destruction. You must come round to the fact that life is at times mind numbingly boring, it is at times exhilarating and yet you must keep faith that one day life will be more appealing than illness.
I’m with you on this. I’ve recently switched meds and I think for the first time these ones are actually beginning to work but I don’t like the feeling. They are perhaps taking the edge off things. It feels wrong, strange. I still have the negative thoughts but perhaps they are not as strong and I don’t think I would act on them. A few weeks ago I was asked on a scale of 1-10 how likely I was to do it. I said 8. Now it’s more like a 5. But I’ve lost my security blanket. I’ve lost that option to escape. It leaves me feeling vulnerable, exposed and I don’t like it. My need to combat this with SH has increased and I’m doing it more often, during the day at work as well as at night. I hope you are correct in saying that one day life will be more appealing than illness, but at the moment it doesn’t feel like that. Take care. Xx
 

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