Ran away from the psychologist...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by ~Claire, Jun 24, 2008.

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  1. ~Claire

    ~Claire Well-Known Member

    Oh my god, I am so scared I just don't know what to do. I feel like I am in the same position as Daisychain.

    I had an appt with my cpn this morning, I was in & out within 20 mins - half an hour. I was completely honest & said that I was having suicidal thoughts. As always she asked what had changed, I said nothing had changed as far as I was concerned. She says 'oh well, we have been here before, come back in 3 weeks & see me'.

    Not bloody likely!

    Then this afternoon I had an appt with my psychologist, she asked how I was doing & I told her. She said she couldn't let me go till she spoke to my GP & made me sit in the waiting room. I sat there for 10 mins or so & then my anxiety got the better of me, so I just got up & left. That was an hour ago. I have missed calls on my mobile & house phone from the surgery but no message.

    I feel bad for leaving without saying anything cos she is really nice but I just couldn't handle it.

    Now I am terrified of the repercussions & what will happen to me. It would be so much better if I just killed myself the now, I can't stand not knowing what is going to happen. Oh my god they are phoning me again, I just want the phone to stop.

    Does anyone know if they can contact my next of kin if I haven't done anything? I don't want them phoning my mum or my fiance just cos I am not answering the phone.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 24, 2008
  2. Summer.Rain

    Summer.Rain Well-Known Member

    Take it easy!
    Thay calling you becouse thay want to check that you are ok
    And then maybe to know why you left, thay will not judge you
    just tell them the truth, you got scared and went home.
  3. innocencexisxlove

    innocencexisxlove Well-Known Member

    :hug: answer the next call. summer's right. they just wanna make sure you're okay, and to maybe know why you left.

  4. ~Claire

    ~Claire Well-Known Member

    They called my mum. Said I went into the surgery feeling unwell but left before I could see a doctor.

    Had to wing some story about not feeling good, I hope she bought it. My phone hasn't rang in about 20 mins now & the surgery closes at 6 so I really only have 20 more mins to kill before I can stop worrying.

    I feel really bad about not saying to my psych that I was going. On the other hand I am so mad that they phoned my Mum, even if they didn't tell her anything.

    My head is just so messed up at the moment.
  5. Summer.Rain

    Summer.Rain Well-Known Member

    Dont be mad, thay just worrying, imagine what could had happen
    in a bit diffrent situation?
    Thay lost a young girl, and after few hours found her dead in her own house
    after she killed herself... Sure thay want to evoid such thing.
    I think it is a good thing for them to care for you so much.
    And the fact thay spoke to your mom is a good thing too
    now thay know you are at home, and ok!
  6. ~Claire

    ~Claire Well-Known Member

    I don't think they do know I am ok. My mum knows I am ok, well I told her I was so hopefully that will be the end of that.

    I still haven't spoke to the surgery, it's closed now so I can kinda relax a bit until tomorrow. I have a feeling they will start calling again, either that or they will contact my cpn & get her to call me.

    I am tired of it all, the fact they care just makes me feel worse, I don't deserve their concern.
  7. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hi Claire,
    Don't worry about them, you are putting undo stress on your self. I think the best thing you can do is talk to them. They are just concerned about you. Just sit back and breath in thru your nose and out thru your mouth. Do that slowly about ten times. Now just relax for a minute.
    When you talk to them tomorrow tell them you want to speak with your shrink. Tell him/her the whole story and ask him/her to please call the others and tell them you are o.k. I kind of know what you are talking about because I just got a new shrink and the first thing out of his mouth(the little I understood. he doesn't speak english very well.) He wants to change my meds. He wants to put me on meds I have already tried and they failed. He also wants me to go into the hospital and I told him no because right now I am holding my own. I can tell them what meds work for me but they don't want to hear that from a client. I guess we are all dumbasses. Sorry about that but it felt good.(haha).
    What ever you do stay calm, if you get all agitated they will stick you in the hospital without your consent. Take Care...:chopper:
  8. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    you *do* deserve their concern, ok? i refuse to believe otherwise. hope you are feeling a bit better tonight.
  9. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    cath is right. You deserve to be cared for and that is what they were trying to do. I am sure if you explain what happened they will be more than understanding. Don't avoid them. Things will be okay. :hug:
  10. downunder

    downunder Well-Known Member

    I can partly understand about being scared. I once had the phone ringing every couple of minutes. When my husband got home I got him to answer it for me and it was the CAT team, I didn't expect that, I was so nervous and managed to rattle off a load of BS and was okay. It quite scarey though. But luckily they haven't sent the police around to check on you. The guy from the CAT team threatened that to me as well.
  11. ghosty11

    ghosty11 Guest

    DONT run away it signifies weakness whatever happens happens as a normal physics operation/function all reaction has a reaction you know? 9th grade physics every reaction has a positive negative reaction think in terms of logisitics and science and it will seem cold and realism.
  12. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    If this happens again, call the person and explain what happened so s/he does not have to assure you are OK...The therapist has both a humanitarian and a legal obligation to follow up...when you see her again, tell her what happened...I think too often we play 'normal' in the presence of therapists and doctors, when we could get the help we need if we said what was happening...hope you are OK now...big hugs, J
  13. ~Claire

    ~Claire Well-Known Member

    Thanks everyone :hug:

    I feel a bit better today, still jumpy & anxious though. I can't believe how much of a state I got myself worked into. I honestly thought I was going to go mad, the phone stopped ringing after 6 thankfully but I was still scared that people would come to the door. The door went once, I never answered it, but I could see a police car driving round the street. I don't think it was them at the door though.

    I had to go to work this morning so I unplugged the house phone cos my fiance was in the house & I didn't want them phoning. They phoned my mobile about 9 this morning & I missed the call, next thing I know the GP has phoned my work?!?! Dunno how he got the number. At the same time my cpn was also trying to phone me, it was just sending me into a total panic. I told the doc I couldn't talk at my desk & I would phone him in 5 mins so I went out phoned the cpn, she kept saying that everyone was so worried as they thought I had went AWOL. She wanted me to go & see her, I said I couldn't so she has arranged an appointment next week with another nurse as she is off.

    I then phoned the doc back, I was so scared of what he might say. He was really nice, just explained that the psych had contacted him & they were all concerned for my welfare. I totally winged it & said I was fine. He still wanted me to go in & see him but I was having none of it. He said as long as I keep my appointment with the cpn then I will be reviewed again on Monday but in the meantime I have to phone the surgery if I am struggling. I already know that I am not going to the appt on Monday, I have already phoned & cancelled it. I still haven't heard from the psych either, I don't know if I should phone her & try to explain or whether I should just leave it & see if she sends me a new appt through.

    I ended up leaving work early as I was just too jumpy, I have had little sleep & absolutely nothing to eat. I still want to die but at least I'm not getting sectioned, it's just a huge weight off my mind...well for this week anyway. I am hoping that they won't notice that I have cancelled my cpn appt already.
  14. Summer.Rain

    Summer.Rain Well-Known Member

    Claire_83 you must let them help you
    it will be so much better for you!
    Dont be afraid! Thay are all there for you, not against you
    And dont be afraid to tell them how you feal about all this
    I really wish you all the best
    Be strong! and Good luck! :hug:
  15. GoldenPsych

    GoldenPsych Well-Known Member

    Hi Claire,
    this is going to sound really hypocritical but you shouldn;t have cancelled your appointment. Also it is possible that the psychologist can help you. Are you planning suicide or feeling suicidal. There is a big difference between the 2 and how they plan on treating you. If you are planning it then yes, they do have the power to hold you, however if you are feeling suicidal then they will do what they can to help you from stopping those feelings. I have been in the same boat. I ran off from the psychiatrists, avoided calls and hid out pretending no one was in when there were knocks at the door. I got overly paranoid. I have said before that I felt like ending it all. After an attempt I have been asked if I regretted the OD and I have said that I regretted that i didn;t die, I was also asked if I still felt the same feelings and I said that I still felt that I wanted to end it all, but because I didn't have any definate plans they didn't do anything. They just gave me a couple of phone numbers to call when I felt at my worst and a couple of things that I may be able to do to distract myself.

    So, it is worth making the appointment again with both the nurse and psychologist and going from there. I know it seems like you have a hell of a long way to go and it will be a lot of hard work. But do you seriously like feeling the way that you do - if not you should get some help.

    Hope things are ok. Also are you on any medication, if so what and how long have you been on it. xxxxxxxxx
  16. ~Claire

    ~Claire Well-Known Member

    I am not on any meds just now although over the years I have been on a few.

    I told the psychologist that I had a plan, she asked if I knew when I was going to carry it out & I didn't answer her. That's when it all went wrong.

    I probably shouldn't have cancelled the appointments but I don't feel that I can talk to anyone just now esp someone I have never met. I suppose I am hoping that if I keep cancelling then they will eventually forget about me. It's a long shot I know.

    I don't know why I am so scared but I am. Maybe it's like Ghosty11 says my running away just shows that I am weak. I don't want to feel like this forever, that's why I think suicide is a better option, I am too tired to fight anymore.
  17. Ignored

    Ignored Staff Alumni

    I have to say that avoiding them and cancelling appointments is exactly the way to go about getting sectioned cos that's what happened to me. You'd do better to see them and try to either convince them that you are ok (assuming you are) or let them help you (if you're not).
  18. ~Claire

    ~Claire Well-Known Member

    Hopefully I have convinced the GP that I am fine, he wants to review me on Monday.

    I am kinda hoping that it won't come down to me being sectioned as none of my family know about my depression. Anyhow, they can't section me if a) I am dead or b) can't be found. I know that might sound childish but I don't feel that I have any other options at the moment.
  19. GoldenPsych

    GoldenPsych Well-Known Member

    my thought patterns are the same as yours so i know what you mean. How about you give them another go. I sometimes feel that is better to talk to someone i dont know as they dont know you when you are better andn so you dont feel as though you are lettin people down, No one knows what is goni on with me. My friends all told me how proud they were of me on saturday. Little do they know that the past few months i have attemped to kill myself numeroustimes - somehow i have managed to hide it. It was my bday yesterday and so over the weekend I had a party and was so nice to actualluy have people around me, I have not felt lkke that in so long. Everyone was so nice to me and everyone was in a good mood so obviously I felt better 2. But I know it wont last for like that forever, infact i can feel the downer coming on after this weekend. I know that it will only be a matter of time before the nxt try. But... you should go back and speak to someone. xxxx
  20. ~Claire

    ~Claire Well-Known Member

    :birthday: Happy Belated Birthday. I know how you mean about hiding attempts & that, I have no idea how I have managed it either. I guess I am just determined for them not to find out. I am sorry you are beginning to feel low again too.

    It's always easy to tell others what they should do, but actually applying that to yourself is near impossible! I know I should attend the appt, it probably would be so much better & easier talking to somebody who doesn't know me but I know when it comes down to it I will just be too scared to go.
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