Random Explanation-Apology

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Disappearance, Nov 14, 2007.

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  1. I live in a place with no computer access. I write this from where my family currently resides as I came home for a relatives health issue. Tomorrow I will go back to my new "home" where I am getting help. I cut off all contact with old friends, I've followed my bedtime routine and medication dosages, and I quit the job that put a load of unnecessary stress on me. I've listened to every word my counselor has spoken to me. Though I wish things were suddenly so much better, somewhere, I've lost my very soul.
    My family has no idea what I'm doing. I feel awful in lying to them but I couldn't bare to tell them I am this ill. They think I've started a life with another being when, in reality, I'm not even alive. Trying to spare them heartache, I've caused someone else more pain than anyone could ever imagine. I want to tell my family where I really live and that the people there are caring for me because I am unable to care for myself. I want to tell them that I am not functioning at all.
    I skipped my sleep aid tonight and my mind seems to be racing. I guess my old ways came back when I returned to my old quarters. Please excuse my mind mess.

    I want to pick up my phone and call.
    I want to sign into messenger service and chat.
    I want to slip back into the demonic hole I was in because it was comfortable.

    So many truths have came out from my house aids and the counselor. Apparently I've never learned to properly communicate. I've neglected myself so much that I've become selfish for anything and everything I can put my hands on. I obviously couldn't define love before at all. I dress according to my moods that fluctuate so much that it appears I have different identities at times. I shunned Christianity because of fear of rejection from not being perfect (as most Christians seems to portray perfection). Most of all, I have lacked the innocence we came with since it was snatched away so early on, and I have never had the chance to completely learn about life because of that.



    I know you won't read this. I know you'll skip over it and you won't ever think twice of it. I wish I could leave a word here and you'd know it's you I'm talking about. I'm so afraid of what I've become.
    I am sorry I've caused you pain. I hope things are going well for you--they aren't going so well with me. I won't cause you any more pain. Please forget about me because I am truly a lost soul. I loved you with everything. I'm sorry I threw it away to be a selfish blob of human flesh. Please forgive me.
     


  2. Okay. Everyone on SF, please let me respond to this person without you getting upset at me. Again, I think I know who this is, but I won't pass judgement for sure, in case I am wrong. Assuming that I am not wrong, however, I'd like to respond to this person.

    To this person : I am thinking about you and I miss you, even though friends of mine would get angry at me for saying it. I can't respond much to you here, because I promised an SF staff member that I wouldn't discuss personal relationship stuff on here. Technically, we are friends anyways, as you left it with us when we last spoke, however, please respond to me in email on gmail. I am glad you are getting help and support. I have been very worried about you. I am also very relieved to know that what was told to me by a family member of yours isn't true. Perhaps that is selfish of me because had it been true, you would have been happier than in the situation that you are in now. Please forgive my selfishness.

    Also, I am not doing well, though I have found ways of coping through this better than I did through what occured in March. Anyways, the coping makes me survive, not making me happy. I am not happy, otherwise, I wouldn't be back here. I know you think that you didn't make me happy, but you did make me happy, despite the issues. I'm glad you wish you were able to talk with me. That, in itself, makes me happy. I want to talk with you as well. I want things to be well. I miss the good moments we had together. Even some of the bad moments we had together would be preferable compared to not having you at all. Please stay strong though. At least you need to stay strong for you and what you could become in life, which is better than the misery you have been through.

    You can contact me when you can. Take care of yourself. :hug:
     
    Last edited: Nov 14, 2007
  3. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    OMG Kurt WHY does every post have to be about you?!?!?! :rant: :tantrum:
     
  4. Spearmint

    Spearmint Well-Known Member

    :hug: Stay safe.
     
  5. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    Agreed. Kurt you should have left it at the first bit and then made your own post about how you aren't doing well. Stop hijacking.

    OP I hope you are okay. I think I know who this is and if it is stay safe
     
  6. Excuse me, but I am not hijacking this thread. I am fairly certain this person is who I think it is because of several reasons the person told me about weeks ago, that was also posted by them in this thread. BTW, Sam, I spoke with Vikki about this before I posted. Please talk with her if you want an explanation for my reasons. It is also sad that you cannot respect my request for you to not get angry at me for posting a response, which I posted a polite response to this poster and I made no rude remarks to them. I should be able to post without being criticized so harshly by SF's main clique.
     
  7. I'm tired of sitting idly by and watching someone say they don't hijack threads, when they do it almost everytime they post. Give me a break BP in saying that you don't. You turned someone's thread into you. They were trying to explain why they haven'tbeen around, why they've been gone for so long and you post this:

    and you didn't turn this into you. Give me a fucking break. you must really be into yourself. you really must think that when people are posting about themselves they really want to hear about you. I'm sorry but you are a fucking prat for thinking that people are just attacking you. maybe you should take a step back and see that you are a self centered jackass. I dont care if this gets taken down, i know it will.

    i've sat here for months biting my tongue not saying anything but you know what fuck it. i know this is anonymous but im going to say it. get over yourself bp, fast. offer support in someones thread instead of giving a huge diatribe about your woes. Go make your own fucking thread. you can come back and post in here about how stupid it is for me to attack you i dont fucking care. i really dont. im tired of you and your woe is me bullshit everyones attacking me bullshit. maybe you bring it on yourself.
     

  8. Haha! I find it amusing that you say, quote, "i've sat here for months biting my tongue not saying anything but you know what fuck it. i know this is anonymous but im going to say it. get over yourself bp, fast. offer support in someones thread instead of giving a huge diatribe about your woes.", yet here I am posting, not anonymously, so everyone knows it is me posting, not some "anonymous" poster. I am fairly certain of who the op is, due to what the op posted about. Most of what the op had said in the post, was a follow up to what her and I discussed since the beginning of October. Stuff that was said in private between her and I. She posted this thread to update me on her situation and I responded politely to her. Personally, I'd rather that she emailed this to me, but for whatever reason, she decided not to do so. Perhaps she thought I wasn't interested in her anymore, because I haven't emailed to her. Maybe she thought I blocked her from my email. She very well could have decided to post it here, thinking that one of my friends would read it and alert me, since she obviously thought I wouldn't read it myself without notice.

    Anyways, I should be able to post here to someone, especially to a person who I'm fairly certain is posting to me, as long as the poster is posting politely and I respond politely. That is what occured in this transaction between her and I. There was and is no need for SF staff wannabees to come here and find someone to target and assault. Stop trying to kiss up to staff and make yourselves seem like you are moderators, when you are not. If the current SF staff wants to choose you to moderate the forums, they will deem you as staff. In the meantime, sit back, relax, and don't respond to me if I get you so upset that you act as though you haven't taken your meds in 48 hours.
     
  9. s.dreams

    s.dreams Guest

    :D Instead of continuing to drag BP's name through the mud and fling insults at him at every possible moment, can we get back on topic? His post was supportive anyways...

    -----

    I really hope you can get things sorted out soon. :( You're in a tough spot, but if this is who I think it is, you're a strong person and I have every faith that you'll be able to get through this hard time.

    :hug: Hang in there.
     
  10. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    OP :hug: hope things get better soon for you xx

    BP - I know your reasons for thinking that this post was aimed at you but im too polite to say :whistling: :angel:

    From what you have told me about the person u think this is i doubt vey much that it is them.

    Stop jumping to conclusions everytime someone talks about being in love and try to support the OP instead, eh
     
  11. LittleSparkles13

    LittleSparkles13 Well-Known Member

    We should respect the person that made this thread, and not jump to conclusions on who it is or who it isnt. They made this thread to vent or whatever, so we should respect that they didnt want their name on here. So BP, respect him/her. Not everything revolves around you.

    I'm sorry but just expressing a point, sorry if it upsets anyone
     

  12. Sam, this isn't about a simple statement of love. I hope you would respect the fact that I am trying to stay out of personal business on SF and if you really need/want to know details about why this person is who I believe them to be, then message to me on MSN and we will talk, since obviously my explaining it to Vikki isn't good enough for you. Sam, I thought you were my friend. Why can't you just respect that I had a relationship with the person, that I know her better than you do, and that I can tell by things she says in this post which are about her, without me needing to explain everything to you in fear that you and others will come on here to attack me? I shouldn't have to explain my situation with the person to anybody, and my true friends from here have never attempted to force me into me to talking with them about it like some of you have on here.

    Either talk with me via pm on SF, or talk with me on MSN. Please stop responding to me in this thread with your pathetic attempts to discredit me over something most of you don't know about.
     
  13. Malcontent

    Malcontent Staff Alumni

    Keep this thread on topic or it will be closed. For future reference for everyone, if someone posts anon and you think you know who it is, please pm them or reply to them in some offsite way so this kind of argument is avoided.
     

  14. Kylie, I am trying to respect the op and not go into the whole "who is it" thing. In the first response I made in this thread, I put a disclaimer in because there are some on SF who spy on my posts in hopes to attack me for whatever gets them angry. However, since I'm fairly certain of who it is, I decided to post my response based on that, in which I was polite to the op. Then, when people start attacking me about my having discussed about me in it, I wanted to respond clarifying that in the message by the op, they mentioned hoping, quote, "I know you won't read this. I know you'll skip over it and you won't ever think twice of it. I wish I could leave a word here and you'd know it's you I'm talking about. I'm so afraid of what I've become.
    I am sorry I've caused you pain. I hope things are going well for you--they aren't going so well with me. I won't cause you any more pain. Please forget about me because I am truly a lost soul. I loved you with everything. I'm sorry I threw it away to be a selfish blob of human flesh. Please forgive me."
    So, in response to her mentioning me in her post, I responded about me. Obviously, my attackers here in this thread didn't read the op's post thoroughly enough, because if they had, they would have no legitimate reason to claim that I hijacked this thread into being about me. It seems they are the people hijacking this thread into attacking me, and that is unfair to both the op and to myself.
     
    Last edited: Nov 15, 2007
  15. Okay, Malcontent. Will do.
     
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