I often feel like im just going in circles. i feel like shit, so i came here, but then id feel better, so go for a bit. but real life (being such a bitch) just hits me hard and im right back here. I feel like people can only deal with me, if im only words on a screen. Its just the same with the treatments that im goign through. i try so hard, i manage to stop cutting for a while. Something triggers me and i break, i cut again, but really bad. everyone is disappointed in me, i feel like shit myself and fall back down into depression, they change my meds and we start all over again. i dont know how to break my cycles, and i know that my extreme self hatred does not help one bit.... but i dont know what to do about it. i talk to therapist about it, but she never really adresses it strait on. i dont know what to do about it, its jsut driving me crazy> I can even feel myself crashing.... yet what is there for me to do about it. I have t isolate myself or i take it out on others, and when i do that i feel even worse than i was originally or worse than id feel when im isolated... i just feel like im always managing to put myself between a rock and a hard place..... and feeling like the only way to stop the nasty cycles is to finally take everything away.