Random night of shit

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by effexorschasm, Feb 4, 2008.

  1. effexorschasm

    effexorschasm New Member

    So the first semester of college was awesome. I met so many new people, I was clean from drugs and not alcohol (hey its college). I made a whole new group of friends
    It all came crashing down last Tuesday.
    I has been a couple of weeks i have been hanging with the pot heads of my class. And I thought they were my friends. So I kinda stopped hanging with my old group of friends. They resented me for it.
    So on tuesday there was a little party. Both groups were present.
    This guy comes up to me and he's like "Your a homosexual, you want to have sex with me" in a serious tone. I looked at him as if he was crazy. But I shrugged it off (ive been called fag since i was a kid, its nothing new.)
    Then later on in the night one of my friends from the old group turns to me with the straightest face and says "You fucking fag" and he shakes his head.
    That hit me a bit harder because even though i know im not gay, its not something i want people to think i am.
    But once again, being the verbally beaten veteran, I shrugged it off.
    THEN later on that night one of the pot head dudes who i just started hanging with says "why do you even hang with us, do you think your cool now. Do you think you can do whatever you want. Sean I hate you"
    At this point i was like what the fuck,, and i left..
    Its been a while since ive seen all this verbal abuse. I went home and started looking for ways to kill myself.
    I found this site
    Now that I look back on it I was totally reacting irrationally,, but its not the first time ive made an attempt. It seems my highs are really high and my lows come out of nowhere and create these unhealthy thoughts. One blow and I'm close to cutting my wrists.
    I'm going to a therapist soon but i though this would be a good place to just talk.
  2. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    That does sound like a random night. Perhaps some of your new friends were very druged up and when people are in that sort of state, they tend to say stupid things.

    Anyways it's good that you saw through it all and didn't go through with ending your life. You'll meet genuine people and make genuine friends. Stay strong.
  3. effexorschasm

    effexorschasm New Member

    i basically took it way too seriously. I've gotten to this point before and even though i try to think logically, it just doesnt happen. In my mind that night pretty much just proved I had no friends and people dont have a care in the world for me. Which couldnt be farther from the truth.
    Anyways Im getting help now.
    thanks for replying