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random rant

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Why do you keep doing this to me? I can't say anything anymore without you bringing it down to yourself and without you making somekinda drama about it all. You keep sending me messages and god knows what else, saying goodbye and that I should forget you; that the world is best off without you. But meanwhile you just want me to call you or message you, saying things will be ok. You only want to listen to me when you have the urge to hurt yourself. You say that only I can stop you from doing anything silly. But you don't realize that I'm human too and that I have my own problems too. You dont seem to realize that I've been in a situation like this before, that I still feel guilty about that. That I still feel as though I'm the one who killed her. You know very damn well that this is heading in the same direction. I care so much for you, but you know I'm at the verge, that I can't be there for you like this much longer cos it's killing me. I'm drained and shattered into pieces. I can't keep doing this much longer and you know that, yet you go around telling me that you would kill yourself if you didnt have me. Now what am I supposed to do? It's like no matter what, I'll loose you. If I keep doing this I'll end up killing myself cos I'm too hurt to live on, but then you'll kill yourself (as you threatened to). But if I take my distance now, you'll end up killing yourself cos you cant call me or message me anymore.

I care for you so much but i can't do this anymore. It's not just you, it's everything and everyone. I just can't deal with any negative energy at the moment. I can't deal with any triggering stuff.

I know you don't mean to hurt me and that you love me. I love you too and I don't want to hurt you either.

I just need to do this. I need it to heal.
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