random suicide thoughts?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by beauutyy, May 23, 2008.

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  1. beauutyy

    beauutyy Well-Known Member

    so,i hate feeling low.
    im sure everyone does,
    but idk,lately i have been feeling terrible.
    i havent said anything earlier,because i felt like it was gonna go away.
    and i didnt want to burden anyone.

    pretty sure,that the past two weeks all i can think about is wanting to die.i know im not going to do it.but its all that runs through my mind. pretty sure i want that thought and those feelings to leave me alone. idk why they randomly decidce to show up. makes me really annoyed. sometimes,i wish that i could just have someone that wouldn't be bothered with me.i mean,normally i dont bug people anyways,but it would be nice to have someone that wouldnt blow me off or say that 'they dont have time.' i make time for them,all the time in the world...yet no one can spare me 5-10 mintues?

    gimme a break.

    ohwell. hopefully these stops will stop,and things will be okay.i just wonder why are they coming back to me after so long?
  2. Choma

    Choma Member

    It can be really upsetting when you try to turn to someone and they just blow you off. The good people are out there (and in here). A friend's love is the answer.
    I've bookmarked this page, I'll check back with you. :)

    btw this is my first post. Hi, SF.

    Also, please pm if you're comfortable with it.
    Last edited by a moderator: May 24, 2008
  3. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    if you look back, there might be something that triggered you. for me, there's usually some early warning signs, like an ache in my chest or a desire to get high. if i don't stop and take care of my mental health right then, my mind quickly slips into a well-known groove, and the negative thoughts come pouring back in. perhaps that is what is going on? or it could be physical / chemical -- are you on any new prescriptions or have you recently changed the amount you take?
  4. touglytobeloved

    touglytobeloved Well-Known Member

    We all have time for you. You know you have many friends here on SF.
  5. Rachael41

    Rachael41 Well-Known Member

    Right now i really understand hw u feel about sumone blowin u off :(

    iv had that recently 2, and i think it just makes u feel so much worse. especially when u realise hw much of an effort u have made for them and they just thrw it back in ur face.

    I get the random suicide thoughts too.
    but i cant help u with whether orr not they will go away. cos mines havent

    sometimes im sittin on the bus on the way to work, and they sun is shining and everyone seems happy, and im thinkin "god i want to die"

    ... i hope those feelings do go away for u, because i dont want u to live with it, like i have for such a long time
  6. GaiaMischief

    GaiaMischief Well-Known Member

    know what you mean. A former close friend of mine can't be bothered to talk to me anymore because he felt I used him as a crutch and was too attached to him. The rationale was I'd learn how to live without leaning on him, but now he just doesn't talk to me anymore about anything. I haven't really found a real life friend since that for support, the one time I did trust somebody, told them about my cutting and depression, they just used it to belittle me one day in front of a bunch of people when they were angry at me over something.

    It sucks to have nobody to trust or the people that you do trust aren't willing to support you. But you know you have us to talk to 24/7, we're always here for you. That said...I definitely can understand why people value real life support more sometimes.

    And yeah...I get these random thoughts sometimes too. I get really bad mood swings during the summer when I'm out of work, I think about suicide seriously once every two days I guess on average, and I experience suicidal ideation every day.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 20, 2008
  7. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hello beauutyy,
    I'm sorry you are so down.I know what you mean I haven't felt so hot for the past week. I saw my new doctor today and she put me on an inhaler. I can't put my finger on why my depression is coming on strong. Is that how you feel? Well I hope you feel better...Good night!!:chopper:
  8. mortdesinos

    mortdesinos Well-Known Member

    Don't give life to the thoughts of death. Keep fighting them until you feel better, and you know you will, the question is when.
  9. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Good Morning Beauutyy, I hope this new day brings you a ray of sunshine. You deserve it! I see the advice you give others and you listen to what is bothering them,
    You are one of the first people to make me feel welcome here at the forum. I feel you have made it easier for me because I don't talk. You might say you have broke the shell that I have been hiding in. I s there any thing I can do to help you feel better???:chopper:
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