Random thoughts...

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by expressive_child, Jul 17, 2007.

  1. expressive_child

    expressive_child Well-Known Member

    a. I don't know if I will ever see youagain but if I will, I wish we can still be together. I will always regret and curse myself for not telling you exactly how I feel about you then. Its too late now, it must be fate's punishment I guess. Its my fault for taking time for granted and now that we have lost contact, I can only blame myself. You may find your love already by now. Who knows I wasn't even meant for you?

    Though I try to convince myself its been four years now, little doubt you have found someone. Guess I can only say 'I love you' in my daydreams now. If I have another chance, I swear I won't blow it. I still remember how much you love that song 'This I Promise You'. You listen to it over and over again. I guess I will be missing you always and love you only in my heart. Its strange though, I can never let you go..

    b. Mum, dad, I don't need to tell you anymore how much I dislike you. I can never understand enough why do you hate me. Well, its pointless for me to tell the world how much I hate you because they like to think I am a bad son and yeah I guess I am because if you like to cheat yourself and think that I am wrong again, go ahead. I ain't gonna say a word. I only wish little brother's life won't be ruined by you all but seems to me, it will be. Nothing I can say, you guys don't quite learn that somethings can only be accomplished with love.

    You can always said I am taking the easy way out and blaming you but you certainly can't lie to yourself.

    c. Bro, you don't have to pretend you are nice. You are handsome, smart and naturally good in many aspects and you took it for granted. But above all, you seem to have all the luck in the world too while I got almost none. I know even if I die, I still won't call you a brother for real and simply coz you don't deserve it. I know I am not as bright as you but you don't have to think I am an idiot. Yeah, you have fooled me long enough and folks has abused me for 20 years. You may have suffer more or less but nothing compared to the hell I been through.

    I was thinking though, what makes you so perfect while I am much less? I have always wonder you know? Maybe mum and dad didn't want a 2nd child and by 'accident' I was born? Possible you know? Or maybe they wanted to but just reluctant and a 'defective' product turns out as a result? Hey, all this is possible you know? You are a realistic person right, I mean what I say here is factual you know? Up to you. Maybe you have been infected by mum and dad's 'denial syndrome'? Come one. You are better than that.

    But why should you care anyway? You earn more money than me so you have the right to boss around. But unfortunately, I am too stupid to think its alright for you doing that. I know you are used to fooling me around but sorry man, I am 23 now. I ain't your dumb fat little brother no more. So forgive me for not becoming your slave no more. It ain't my fault.
  2. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    My heart goes out to you hun. :hug: