I am part of a great loving, close family. I have great kids. I eventually left my abusive husband. Eventualy I met a great guy. It didn'y work out unfortunately. Around the same time the relationship didn't work, a close friend became "closer". Later we maried. When thing are good, yeah they're good. When things are bad, they're very bad. New husband told me he was abused as a child. He's extreemly secretive. He's had numerous affairs. I found out about his 1st affair by chance, he'd been seeing a mutual internet friend but was livibg a double life. To the "friend" he was known as person A and person B. He had 2 personas. As person A he was my bloke, very happy and preparing to get married. As person B he had left a relationship and was single. When I discovered this, he was so sorry, didn't know why etc etc. Later after further affairs, it was my own fault for denying him sex. During that time I was recovering from a serious illness, had just returned to full time work that was very demanding physically and mentally, then coming home to be a full time mum/wife with zero help. My interest in sex was more to do with sheer exhaustion. There is more, on a sexual side, he's forced me to do things I don't want to do. Things that left me feeling dirty, cheap and slutty. I would ask him why? Sometimes he said it was what I deserved. Other times he would say he just couldn't stop. When I asked him why he ignored my repeated requests that he stop etc, he said I was just saying "no" when really I meant yes. He tells me he's secretive because he was abused as a child, that he dosn't know how to be any different. He blames me for the majority of arguements. I know this is going to sound so pathetic really, but it IS an example of what i mean. Yesterday Prior to going out of the house, I popped my head out the back door to check windows, I noticed that mine and husband windows are open. I hadn't been upstairs since leaving the door @ 6am. I asked children to close their windows (which they did) I asked husband too and he merely grunted. We all left the house together and got into my car. Before I pulled off the drive I again asked if the children had closed their windows, they said yes (as their windows are at the fron of the house I could see that they were indeed closed). I turned to husband and asked if he had closed our windows ME: did our windows get closed (silly of me as I already know they are open) HUSBAND: not sure i will go and check (husband gets back into car) ME: were the windows closed? HUSBAND: yes, i knew they were. I only checked to shut you up ME: they weren't closed at all were they? (total silence) HUSBAND: that's right call me a liar ME: I know the windows weren't closed, I had looked out the back door before leaving and asked you to check, you never went upstairs. HUSBAND: FINE, HAVE IT YOUR WAY!!! OK, THE WINDOWS WERE OPEN, I'M A LIAR. THAT SHOULD PLEASE YOU At that point he told me to stop the car, he got out, hurled abuse at my children then almost ripped the car door off it's hinges as he slammed it shut before stomping away. I have been left wondering should I have said nothing at all, ignore that he chose to tell me the windows were closed when I know they weren't. Why did he feel it necessary to lie about it anyway. That is just an example of the many many lies he tells. Last night, he chose to sleep elsewhere. I have days where I think to myself I am a really bad person, and that all the problems in my relationship are my fault. After all, this is my second marriage, I must be at fault. Then I rationalise, and I think, no, no-one deserves to be beaten by their spouse (meaning husband number 1). Then i question why is this happening a 2nd time. At the start of my relationship with husband number 2, my family all really liked him, but gradually all my family have come to detest him. He has, through what can only be described as stupidity, run up debts of over £70k. I had £40 in savings which i used to bail hm out. I now feel resentful for doing that now because I no longer have my safety net. I have had to take out a £20k loan to pay off his debts, my parents loaned him £10k (they have now been repaid) That's where the £70k has gone. All the time I feel as though I am fighting a losing battle to keep my head above water and not drown financially. Then I see him spend £100+ on a car stereo (his got stolen) that really isn't needed as their are spare car stereos sitting in the garage that could have been used. But no, he doesn't like those as they won't play MP3's. Perhaps I am overreacting, but I fail to understand how, when we are up to our necks in debt, he can justify buying something that's NOT necessary! Sorry, rant over.