I don't know how much more of this shite I can take. Wales has just announced a 'Firebreak Lockdown', which will basically be the same thing as what we had mid March - nothing open but essential shops, no leaving the house unless it's exercise and absolutely no meeting up with people indoors or outdoors. People are angry and upset because they don't like to be told what to do, or don't want to be isolated again (fair) or are tired of trying so hard to follow the rules and people are just breaking them without consequence to them as individuals anyway. I haven't had a chance to even consider if I believe it's the right thing for the country or if it's going to work, or if it's pointless etc or any of that kind of stuff people like to have the opportunity to share and claim they know the right thing to do, and quite frankly, I don't even think it matters when they've declared this measure with "guaranteed consequence" for those who break it.
My concern is the 40 staff members I've just had to send an email to saying "We will not be open from now until 09/11/20, I do not know if you are getting paid yet because they haven't actually announced a plan for business' that have to shut." I don't even know if I'm getting paid. I don't know if I still have a job because I don't think my company can take paying out 17 days of owed wages to 12 cinema sites with between 40 - 180 staff members in them per site. We're already feeling the pressure of being "last ones standing" and quite frankly, I am very tired of being on a sinking ship (such is life with Covid on this planet). I applied for other jobs only to learn that if I leave, the site for sure shuts because they won't replace/open a hiring process during these times (plus they're looking for excuses to shut my site to be honest, the building they rent off is a bit shit), so I get to decide whether I want to be that guy or not - and also, even if I get the jobs, if it's not a supermarket, it's shut anyways.
My concern is also (as much as I feel like a complete melt for admitting it) is my own mental health, which has, like so many others I imagine, just taken a complete plummet during these times (break up and other petty shite included). I can't go a day without having some kind of breakdown, or self harming or working out so much that something bruises (I guess same thing), eating so much in the space of an hour where I throw it up, often deliberately and then not at all for 11 days out of some kind of fucked up guilt, doctors are particularly unhelpful right now because it's not a priority unless you want to pay and I kinda want to hold on to whatever money I can right now just in case I end up on my ass. I've also come to realise that most of my interactions are work of some kind, always work. Colleagues in my office, my staff, people I meet for photoshoots, museums, magazines - its always a professional exchange. Sure, it comes with a bitch rant about the current climate which is always helpful, but nothing deep and nothing personal. People seem to love me in a professional capacity because I'm so aggressive and consistent about getting everything done and I'm everyone's fave gal. Not so much in personal relationships, I'm just shit at building them. I want to die every day so badly, it's my first thought when I wake up, it plagues me all day and then it's the last thing I think of before I go to bed, and I can't even do that how I want to because I can't fecking travel out of my city anyway.
That's my rant
Covid is a bum hole
My concern is the 40 staff members I've just had to send an email to saying "We will not be open from now until 09/11/20, I do not know if you are getting paid yet because they haven't actually announced a plan for business' that have to shut." I don't even know if I'm getting paid. I don't know if I still have a job because I don't think my company can take paying out 17 days of owed wages to 12 cinema sites with between 40 - 180 staff members in them per site. We're already feeling the pressure of being "last ones standing" and quite frankly, I am very tired of being on a sinking ship (such is life with Covid on this planet). I applied for other jobs only to learn that if I leave, the site for sure shuts because they won't replace/open a hiring process during these times (plus they're looking for excuses to shut my site to be honest, the building they rent off is a bit shit), so I get to decide whether I want to be that guy or not - and also, even if I get the jobs, if it's not a supermarket, it's shut anyways.
My concern is also (as much as I feel like a complete melt for admitting it) is my own mental health, which has, like so many others I imagine, just taken a complete plummet during these times (break up and other petty shite included). I can't go a day without having some kind of breakdown, or self harming or working out so much that something bruises (I guess same thing), eating so much in the space of an hour where I throw it up, often deliberately and then not at all for 11 days out of some kind of fucked up guilt, doctors are particularly unhelpful right now because it's not a priority unless you want to pay and I kinda want to hold on to whatever money I can right now just in case I end up on my ass. I've also come to realise that most of my interactions are work of some kind, always work. Colleagues in my office, my staff, people I meet for photoshoots, museums, magazines - its always a professional exchange. Sure, it comes with a bitch rant about the current climate which is always helpful, but nothing deep and nothing personal. People seem to love me in a professional capacity because I'm so aggressive and consistent about getting everything done and I'm everyone's fave gal. Not so much in personal relationships, I'm just shit at building them. I want to die every day so badly, it's my first thought when I wake up, it plagues me all day and then it's the last thing I think of before I go to bed, and I can't even do that how I want to because I can't fecking travel out of my city anyway.
That's my rant
Covid is a bum hole
thank you for taking the time to reply, I feel so isolated and drained atm.
