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*RANT* i don't know what to do...

The Scream

Well-Known Member
i have a girlfriend and i woke up this morning crying, cause somehow i was afraid i was losing her, i probably had a nightmare...

and yeah, i really am stupid

i look at other girls too much... even when she's with me... we argue sometimes... lately more then usual... i hadn't smoked weed for quite some time and there were days i felt like i was losing it... my gf doesn't approve it, it's one of the reasons we argue... and when im not on it, im so happy i have her, but when im on it, it's like im a complete different person, i don't give a fuck about anything... and my ex gf, my feelings come back i once had for her... i feel like hugging her and never letting go... i want her so bad... it's fucked up... it's been like 2 years since we - broke up? - it wasn't -really- anything official, pretty close tho, we'd see each other everyday and kiss and hug... i miss it, sometimes...

but im happy with my gf... i am...

but, idk... she's brave... and she expects the same from me... everyone expects me to be brave... if im not brave i don't even have a roof on top of my head... since i live in a group home, if you're not willing to get a "good life" or better life or whatever they immediately kick you out... blowing/alcohol is not allowed as long as you stay here... and you have to abide to their rules, show up at appointments etc... tho lately, i quit school which was part of my treatment plan, as they call it here... and they wanted a conversation with me about it, i didn't show up, they set it at a later time and then i was in the coffeeshop smoking a joint... and obviously, i enjoyed that -much- more then listening to their stupid rant

i lied to my gf, said i didn't use cause otherwise we would argue again... and i don't want to argue with her... but smoking a joint, it really makes me realize how much greater i felt when i was on it... feeling sober sucks so hard... i hate not being on anything... it gets me depressed...

i want both... i wanna smoke everyday, still live here, have my gf and my ex gf and i don't want to hear the stupid rants these people keep forcing me to listen too...

so yeah, pretty screwed, thanks for reading :D

im such a horrible person, fuck, im ugly and i hate myself :later:


Antiquities Friend
Staff Alumni
Right time for hard talking.
The group home is, believe it or not, actually on your side.
They want you to be able to function in the world, have a life etc.
Yes pain in arse, but that's life I'm afraid.

Of course being off your head is preferable to the real world, trouble is we have to actually live in the real world so keep it for relaxing times; when you've done what you should have during the day.

I think the hankering after the ex is maybe because the current gf won't take no shit or let you louse up.
See this as her caring and not as her nagging, please!

Ok nag over, I know how hard it is to deal with growing up and being in the world, but it really does have its pluses, you just have to work at it and each time you do it will get that bit easier the next time.

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