Ahh shit, Im really psyched out. off the cuff now - HAve you ever been so furious with yourself for bieng so stupid. Im gutted, Im the ultimate athiest you know, always reading between the lines of the true way of our planet. Always been that way apart from the last few years, took a leap of faith, wrapped in cotton wool believing Jesus is on my throne and I'll be rewarded with a place in heaven cuz the big guy is looking out for me cuz he loves me. I never bought it, it never seemed real, it only divided me in two peices. Im so pissed off with myself for letting faith grab me like that. Its as if I had no choice because I was seeking great reward a place in heaven and all that. Hard to explain because its innexplicable. the good thing now is that the same part of my bieng that bought all that crap has found new meaning in something that suits me better, but this time its based on reality. I feel great right now its as though the world makes sense again. What Ive known all along has slotted right into place, right back where it should be. Im reading and understanding myself in such a way that doesn't lend myself to religion. Ive found a performer and a fellow human bieng with a brain who sees things like I do, they say things how they should be said and its honesty beyond what the sensitive ears of our nations rulers allow us to hear there thoughts that would probably lead to death if spoken in the east. I am annoyed that it took something like this to kick sense into me after all this time. Why couldn't I do it on my own esteem? was I scared? yes to be honest, but thats how they get you. I loathe myself for buying it. Enough of that anyway, this world is decomposing, the planets gonna end one day and Im not gonna be so self righteous to try and stop it anymore. Faking enthusiasm for saving the whales and the pandas, saving the ozone layer. why should we? 90% of the species that have lived on this planet are extinct, we didn't kill them. We will one day be extinct. it won't be us that causes it. Its a natural process. just like aids STOP BREEDING, just like war, just like religion. when theres a will theres a way. Lets say murder is wrong. is it? it says so in the ten commandments, Deaths due to religious wars must be the largest killer on this planet, the scum bags that flew into the trade center seemed to have no problem with it. the fundaMENTALists don't seem to have a problem with it, when it comes down to it. The point Im trying to get at here is that I am admonishing the faith in any form of religion that I had, It stinks, I only got into it because I felt I needed to be saved by a miracle, something other worldly. I had no idea of its true nature and I know I'd rather live my life without false hope. Theres a big fucking war going on and to be honest, Im not scared of it anymore because I know its a product of natyre and were all gonna die sooner or later, so fuck saving the planet and living the dream, lets just blow ourselves up because our faiths and our governments are gonna screw it up for us sooner or later anyway.