What is the old saying "Rome wasn't built in a day", I think it is.
Trust me when I say TRY I mean within the boundaries of who you are. Trying will not get you anywhere if you lose who you are in the process.
I feel depressed when I get near to people, when I go out, I start drinking to loosen up, after the first 5 beers, I start to feel more depressed then I could feel before, after those 5, I start to slam beers down. Thus leading me to a downward spiral. It feels better, cause I'm hammered, but I don't really end up better.
When sober, going out is lame, depressing and not even worth the money. When stoned, I remember nothing of the going out entirely, which is the best in my opinion, but still going out isn't really worth any of these 3. In the end I'm depressed and feeling worse then before I go out.
When not going out, while trying to look for contact, I have no ability to communicate whatsoever. I can walk up to people and I'm more likely to stare at them for hours before I can even say hi. In the past 2 years, I have only started talking to 2 people, one was to get smoke weed with, other was.. In a coffeeshop, I believe. It was even a girl. :O The conversation was going really smooth.. *sarcasm intended* Oh, the girl in the coffeeshop actually started talking to me, but it was a conversation.. sort of.
Well, I'm not sure I'm making the point I was intended to, but reading back would lead to deleting... In any case, I'm not all too good in reaching out to others and the most convenient way for most, is to me, the worst.
WhatLiesBeneath79
Thanks for your kind words, I don't know really what to say.. I might PM you sometime, not sure when, but it might be nice to talk sometime.