You know what I'm nuts! I think i finally figured it out. I can't make friends cause no one wants to be my friend. I'm the girl who is weird the one who looks normal but is awkward. I cant trust people. always back to trust. ive lost so many friends because they just stop talking. All I did was give, help and I guess it was all taken advantage of. I miss having friends. I thought really thought for a long time that things could change but they can't. I've had a realization. I want to be and do things that I probably never will. Why? Cause I just can't. There's always a negative. I thought maybe just maybe that thinking positive will put me on the right track but how can I be positive when there is always a negative. Light and dark. Balance and imbalance. Good and evil. How the hell could I ever think that I could get better. Yes pessimistic view, in my case yes but I can always give optimistic advice. I do hope it works for others but for me, no hope. I just have to accept that I'll be the girl who can't stop thinking a million miles a minute the girl who can never be what I want to be the girl who is never satisfied with what I achieve. The cutter who can't explain how or why. the girl who is just so damn tired . How can you change what's already been done. You can't undo the past what makes me think I can undo experience. I have clearly lost it and have clearly gotten my head straight all at once. Rambling on about it actually makes me feel a little better but that's temporary like every other fix I try to do. Why why do I always think I can be better. Better never comes.