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rant of irrelevancy

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by DreamReaver, Dec 27, 2010.

  1. DreamReaver

    DreamReaver Well-Known Member

    Most of the time i just rant in my own members diary, but for something different will have a rant here too.

    You know I have been told I am a good person and do not deserve to die. That is all irrelevant, does it matter if you are a good or bad person, does it matter if you deserve it or not. None of those things will change your situation for the better. Talking isn't going to do anything, letting it out isn't going to help. Nothing isn't going to help, there is no miracle that will happen. I cannot be helped. 20+ years of depression and suicidal thoughts has proven that.

    I have thought about all this very hard, and very long, I know I will hurt some people, I know what it could do to the few people that care. And you know what, I simply don't care, I refuse to continue my life in misery and loneliness, just to make a few people happy because I am alive. It's not fair on them, what about me?

    No one deserves to be here in SF, but like I said, deserving it or not, makes no difference, it is irrelevant, we are here because life has dealt us a bad hand even if does not seem like it to others.

    That said, I hope you all find what you are looking for and keep on continuing to play this game we call life and I truly hope you win. We cannot all be winners, some of us have to be losers even if it is not by choice, I am one of them. This game of life has beaten me and it will be game over.

  2. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Hi David. I'm sorry to hear that you have been living with depression for over 20 years, but even after all that time, I believe that it can be overcome. There must be some things that you want out of life? What will make you happy? There are people in your life that love and care about you and that should be reason enough to keep on fighting. :hug:
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I do think you care about other people i don't think you would want them to feel the pain you have Have you tried the newer med saphris i hear it has help many that have suffered for years with depression. ask your GP okay You have fought so long you can keep fighting if only for the ones that do love you.
    I don't think you would ever want to cause others a life time of pain like you have had to endure.
  4. DreamReaver

    DreamReaver Well-Known Member

    what would make me happy, not be alone, been alone my entire life, been rejected my entire life

    so I should continue so the others don't have to feel pain, yet they have already experienced so much more than i have and or ever will in happiness, love, companionship, mmm, nope, call me selfish, an arsehole or whatever, but i have had enough of it all, it is someone elses turn, i am over it