meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh. heads all over the place. feeling shit. wanna cut. worried sick. missing someone like fuck and i can't take it. few weeks got REALLY drunk and sat in someone else's bathroom and cut worse than i ever have before. so now the scars i've got on my arm are the worst that i've had, fair enough my own stupidity. thing is i go on holiday in 2 weeks, so im absolutely shitting myself. my mum hasn't seen my arms. my mate has (shes coming with me on holiday0 but she hasnt seen the scars i did a few weeks ago, shes never seen my arm the way it is now. my mums gonna HAVE to see it at some point while on holiday and i really don't want her too. i don't want anyone to see. i'll be a nervous wreck out there, i could get bad and i won't even be able to get hold of the person i would REALLY need if i started feeling bad. am even thinking about taking a blade in my suitcase for when things get bad, how fucked up is that. dont think i can handle 2 weeks of being paranoid about my arms and being away from the one person i truely need. So sorry for the rant. has been doing my head in all day.