rant, RANT RANT!!

[Jess]

arggggggggggggggggggggggg!

What a long fucking day, sorry to use the language but I can't help it!
Up at 5am to get ready for school and do some homework that I couldn't finish last night because I got so sick. Woke up this morning feeling like hell.. making myself go to school anyways because I can't afford to miss my classes.. not that it helps since I bombed my test! uhhg. then strait from school to work.. nearly broke down in tears from getting yelled at, or scolded by one of my bosses then the manager.. one telling me I should be doing one thing.. the other telling me to do something else. I'm one person!! Finally out of work.. I get home at about 8 pm.. the stupid computer won't turn on! I just want to get on to talk to someone,anyone.. my friends.. my only friends.. relax before bed but it wont' turn on! finally it's on..

I can't eat.. I can't drink.. it hurts too much to swallow. I'm tired, I have way too much homework that I'm NOT doing.... I'll just get up early and go to school to finish it...

oh! and that reminds me.. I couldn't even finish my coffee this morning.. I got to school and had to dive strait into homework due for first period so I ended up throwing half the thing away.. all I want is my coffee in the morning :sad: that's what I wake up for!

uhhhhhg. please let today be over!

 

[Spikey]

:hug: :hug: :hug: Jess :hug: :hug: :hug:

 

[thedeafmusician]

Oh Jess... what a day.... I really cant say much else tho apart from that I hope that you're feeling a bit better now... and managed to get some sleep... (((((jess)))))

TDM

 

[Jess]

thanks guys

Well, it's finally the weekend, anything short of easy time getting here. Still feeling like hell. Sick... uhhg... and today! I made a complete idiot of myself.. I fell infront of the entire school! peprally.. I get chosen out of all the people possible for one of the "Activities" and I fall on my way to the center of the gym.. and ok, I can deal with the embarassment becase.. well, anyways.. now I'm going to have to see a fucking dr.. because since about 130pm this afternoon till now I've completely lost use of my hand without pain :sad: guess I caught myself funny on the floor and messed something up in my hand.... but I have to work all weekend so god knows when I'll get it checked....

kill me plz? :sad: :sad: :sad:

 

[Jess]

can keep going and going..

badddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd
horrible,
terrible,
absolutely losing it!!!!!!!
What am I doing here?
I'm in trouble now... uhhhhgg.. it's not my fault I'm sick.. I didn't want to get sick. You think I want to feel like this for work? yeah.. because that'll be soooo much fun. I mean, what's more fun that being treated like crap while you already feel like it?

:cry: :cry: :cry: :cry:

"you don't know me and you don't even care.... you don't know me and you don't wear my chains..."

you can ignore me all you want... I realize I made a mistake... I let you get too close.. and I shouldn't have..

I'm sorry..............!

 

[wienerman]

hun, like i told you, there is nothing to be sorry about. you really are a lovely girl, and i wish you could see that. you have a lot of pressure on you with work and school and family, and it is amazing how you have coped so far. you are doing the best you can, that is all anyone can ask of you. in fact i feel that maybe the adults in your life are putting too much pressure on you, and should be reminded that you are still a child.

hun you are such a wonderful girl, and im sure everyone will back me up on that.

 

[blub]

I agree with wienerman. Unfortunately I don't really know you. But knowing from what you said in your posts, I think you're a wonderfull and lovely person and I admire you, with what you're going through. I hope that the pressure will fall of your shoulders or at least some of it.
Take care

 

[Jess]

I'm surprised I'd coped this well for this long too....


all good things come to an end.

 

[Jess]

ok, this is my distraction! so sorry to keep posting.. I swear I'm done after this!!!

So after a stressful week of school, sickness and what ever else.. I feel like crap :sad: and I don't know why exactly. yes, I'm tired, yes, I don't want to go to work tomorrow, but it's the weekend ffs.. I should be happy for not having school at least right?! arrggg.. well for whatever reason, be what it may.. I want to cut.. after almost 4 weeks without.. I want to break my ongoing record. I just want to give up, I want to feel like it doesn't matter.. it's just a stupid number. like age! but like with age, I know it does matter... still... I want to... I plan to... as soon as I'm alone......








I'm done.

 

[wienerman]

hun, please dont do it, you have done so well to not do it for so long, i am proud of you, please stay strong for a bit longer.

 

[Jess]

so much pain....
can't even breathe...
can't see...
can't keep...



bye, thanks, love youu

 

[gentlelady]

Jess hun, sounds like such a terrible week you have had. Sorry i wasn't here much for you to talk to. I am glad to see you kept posting and used it as a way to vent your frustrations. You are a wonderful person Jess. Don't be so down on yourself. It is hard to kep up with all you are doing, and still be able to do all of them well. And then to be sick on top of it. I admire you for trying so hard. Do take the time to get your hand checked out. You shouldn't wait too long if there is an injury.Please don't cut Jess. You have done so well in staying free from SH. Hold on sweetie. I know you can do it. Take care hun, and stay safe. :hug:

 

[Jess]

I gave up.....:sad:

I'm sorry.

I shut pm's off, deleting msn... it's all gone......


















soon will I be too... :unsure:

 

[wienerman]

hun, please stay with us, this bad feeling will pass like it normally does.

if you do go you know how badly i (and everyone else!!) will miss you. you know that if i had the ability i would fly over there to see you and be there to help you through the tough time in person. unfortunately i can only help you through here or msn. but honey i beg you please reconsider.

:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:

i love you hun, you are one of the greatest friends i have.