Im a 22yo, jobless, and a Hikomori. I cant stand talking to people or even looking at them. Ive always hated social situations but, Im a pretty good faker when I need it. Most people wouldnt even know about how much I feel like people are looking down on me to the point where I want to run and hide. Ill fill out job aps then panic at the idea of them calling me. Im not stupid, I know I have to get over it. But, its not that easy. Ill go though periods where Ill cut myself off from my family all most completely. At one point, when I was talking medication, I was getting better. Still, I couldnt handle fights properly. My father and I got into it about me being queergendered and not dressing female enough. Claimed the shirt I wanted costed too much when, knowing damn well, I never in my life wanted something over priced. And he ignored the fact he said it wasnt for my gender. Whatever. It was the first time I ever stood up to him and it didnt go hell. Stopped talking to him. Then my doctor quit his job and I stopped getting my anti depressants. Now im worse off then before. Right now Im a depressed loser who doesnt even enjoy anything anymore. Too scard to talk to people. Too scard to die. Dont even know why Im writing this. Im sure ill jsut delete it soon.