I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I don’t know why my motivation is shot. I feel tired and all I really want to do is sleep, eat, and not leave the house. I think I’m mortally afraid of failure. I constantly try to live up to this vision of perfection that I have for myself. I always fall short, and subsequently hate myself for it. It sucks. I’ve been drinking like crazy for quite a while. I need to break out of this, and fast. Seeing people feels like a chore. I hate everything and probably should admit I’ve been having suicidal thoughts for a while, and I don’t know why. Instead I keep forcing myself to function. Stayed home from work today. This can’t happen again. I hate how I can rationally explain what’s happening to me right now, and I feel powerless to stop it. I guess you can say I’m falling apart a little. Fuck. Me.