**rant** (sorry)

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Marshmallow, Oct 30, 2006.

  1. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    Sorry i need to fucking scream!!! arghhhhhhhhhhh

    For fuck sake, why can't people see how much they hurt me!! my own family don't realise what they do to me! the way they make me feel! if anything they make me feel like this!

    Right now i wanna top myself so badly, i even just tried my wrist's but yet again the knifes to blunt, knife right next to me that could end my life, and i can't even get that right.

    She fucking ask's me whats wrong! then puts in her PM that she 'cant deal with depressed people' well fuck her! i'm sick of being treated like a doormat! im only ever wanted when she needs something! or when shes upset over her bf, whos the one whos stuck in the middle ME!! stuck in the middle of you's two! being used by you two! both of you have used me and it kills me because you don't know what your doing!

    I allways let people walk over me! why?? why?? why?? It kills me inside and yet i let it happen over and over again! im sick of it, i want out! i want out of life! and i want out now! the only reason im here right now is because a few people have calmed me down.

    I've got so many things going round my head right now, confusing me. A guy told me he likes me, why like me! what am i! im someone who fucks up everything time after time, who would like that!?!?! Then someone telling me they could fall in love with me, i don't get that either what is there to love about me!? all these things going round in my head and i can't figure it out, ME!? WHY?? WHY?? WHY?? I aint worth shit, i don't feel im worth anything to anyone, and then i've got 2 people saying that to me. It's all just confusing.

    I want people to be honest with me, but then im scared of what the answers gonna be, especially with men, i find them really hard to trust. I even had to ask this guy what he really wanted, even then i still didn't believe him, i dunno why i can't trust them proberbly after all the crap with my brother and my dad.

    Talking of my brother, hes been sending my mum texts, saying hes done, and hes gonna kill himself. Great life for a mum eh, 2 kids with suicidle thoughts, what fun that must be, i feel a burden to everyone around me, and the only way to get rid out that feeling is to 'eliminate' myself. One day.....
  2. ACRon

    ACRon Well-Known Member

    Thats awfull Vikki, you've had better days I take it :hug: always here for you :smile:
  3. blub

    blub Guest

    Ah vikkers :sad: Thats awfull, guess I know how you feel.
    Sorry for saying this, but it isn't that hard to love or like you :hug:
    You're really a fantastic wonderfull person.
    Sadly there are people who take adventage of that.
    You really need to watch out fr those people
    They dont deserve you.
    I think you should dump them, but I don't know the relationship between you and these people or just have a serieus talk with them.
    Because this isn't working for you and you need help.
    You need some self-estym and not people who bring that down
    Need me? Pm me or my msn blub_mloes@hotmail.com
    Viks, take care :hug:
  4. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    well viks, me wifey, you know that I hate seeing you like this :( :hug: I love you and you know I'm always here for you :hug: *huggles her wifey*
  5. Abacus21

    Abacus21 Staff Alumni

    :hug: :hug: :hug:
  6. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

    Vikki, I am sorry that your parents are hurting you. I know life is hard, and it's hard to deal things sometimes, and our lives turn upside down and we feel all our fears are true, that we are bad, evil, mess everything up, that we'll never do anything good that we should die and this and that....and these meltdowns we have make everything feel helpless and hopeless. But the truth is, life can get better and our fears aren't true, even if people have told you your whole life these negative things, they are telling the truth they just aren't happy with themselves so they took it out on you, my family did the samething to me.

    And they aren't right that's wrong to brainwash an innocent human-being into beleiving that...I still have to fight those thoughts of negativity that I have heard my whole life. But in the end they are the ones who were doing wrong, not you. But life has things to offer you if you just work it out, and it takes time and effort, but if I can you can, ok? You will be ok, you have all of us and the most important person, you.

    You take care and if you need to talk ever, you have my MSN, and don't hesitate, I would have no problem talking with you......I luvs ya hunny! :hug:

    :hug: :hug: :hug:

    ~Love ya,
  7. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Good girl Vikki...LET IT ALL OUT!!!

    Hope it worked, I know a good rant does me good.

    Now please accept that we all think you are more than worth it, and sod the rest of the human race.:hug: :hug: :hug:
  8. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni


  9. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    Thanks guys, just i really dont think im worth anything, i honestly think that.
    The knife was meant to be surgical sharp, and yet it can't go thru my wrist, i might not be here now if it had worked :sad:
  10. poison

    poison Well-Known Member

    that's just awful. i can't imagine what it would feel like to be in a position like that. i hope you make it through it. best of luck.
  11. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

    I'd miss you terriby...who'd force me to eat chocolate? :hug:

    love ya girl...keep your chin up.

  12. eih

    eih Well-Known Member

  13. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    hehehe :rolleyes:

    sowwy! had alot of things going round my head last night especially what someone said to me, someone i care about alot and they said something to me on msn to try calm me down and what they said kindaplayed with my head abit, never had someone say that to me :unsure: i care about them a hell of alot and don't know how to take what they said :unsure: ugh :sad: could be a good thing or a bad thing, i dunno anymore :sad:
  14. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    What was it Viks, maybe cos u was in a state u took it out of context (done that myself).

    if we knew what it was we might see it in a different light, and remember sometimes people aint good at expressing themselves when trying to help someone who is upset.
  15. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    "i love you"


    "more thank you think:shy:"

    "*wonders if ___ should of said that*"

    how am i meant to take that? i care for them alot and they come out with that :unsure:
  16. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Ok that would have thrown me too.

    perhaps u need to talk about it with em.
  17. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    i dunno what to say or do about it, i care a hell of a lot about the person but dunno how to take something like that :unsure: its complecated, and its been on my mind since it was said :unsure: hmmmm do i just forget it and carry on or .............. ugh i dunno, i don't even now wether to take it as a good or bad thing :unsure: *sigh*
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 31, 2006
  18. wienerman

    wienerman Guest

    i hope you are feeling better now hun, i got really worried last night

  19. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    *sending you big hugs* :hug:
  20. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    :hug: hope you are okay vikki???????
    u know where i am xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx