rant/vent/call it what you will

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Unreg, Aug 18, 2006.

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  1. Unreg

    Unreg Guest

    A fair few of you are going to know who i am by the end of this post... but oh well I guess

    Why cant you just pretend to care? you dont know jackshit about me anymore. who have you become? you've become soulless... reckless... and it shows. Badly. I guess your true colours finally show... after all these years. or well maybe not all these years. it always had showed i guess... i was just too blind to see it.

    its only going around in circles... and yet i cant tell you that. or well i can, but it means i voluntarily drag myself into it all again - which is what i'd promised to myself i wouldnt do. If I tell mum that its going absolutely nowhere with the both of you at each others throats, she tells me to tell you that... but when i do, you tell me to tell her. I mean, if i even DO tell one or the other you'll just say to say it to the other person and here we go again.

    I'm the go between... but i'm smarter than that now, or at least i hope so. i'm not quite the innocent and naive girl of four years ago, I'm not a pawn to be manipulated and used for your benefit by you. And yet i still know that if nothing happens this will just blow over and so the circle starts over again.... it never ends.

    Or will it instead not blow over? You say that youre thinking of divorcing him as you usually do but its probably just talk. you say that if you divorce him it'd complicate things and yet you still talk about it all the time like you're serious. You tell me how pissed you are at him and at the whole situation and how you're sick and tired of being the one to forgive him all the time, but then you tell me right after that that you're not gonna drag me into all this again.

    You say that you regret that you did when i was younger and that you're not gonna do that anymore - and yet you still do. you dont tell me outright anymore, to go and talk to him or else you're gonna walk out on me, but instead that its my choice and that I should do what i think is right if i want this circle to end. its basically the same thing.. you may as well tell me that i should go and talk to him, coz thats what you're trying to say... hypocrite.

    its basically the same thing.. you may as well tell me that i should go and talk to him, coz thats what you're trying to say.

    oh i wish that i could say this to your faces one day, mother and father dear, you would never see it coming. if only if only...
  2. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    :hug: I hope things will someday be better for you hun. It is a tough situation oyu have been placed in. Know that i am thinking of you and hoping for better days ahead.
  3. rachypooh

    rachypooh Well-Known Member

    Just know, I know what sort of situation your in. I was in a very similar place for such a long time and still am at times. I have now grown up a bit and know how to deal with it when it gets really bad. And not living with them has helped me.

    It is a tough spot your in but I think you can get through it. It does take time and effort and I know your trying your best. Hope things get better for you soon


    P.S. If you need to talk PM me anytime
  4. Unreg

    Unreg Guest

    Thanks both of you for replying, neither of you had to. And somehow Gentle, I get the fleeting suspicion you know who I am... haha oh well. I guess things *will* look up one day, I guess I shouldnt really give up hope. And if they dont, I have moving out one day to look forward to.

    I'm sorry that you were also in a simlar situation, rachypooh. Unfortunately I dont have the option of moving out yet as I've said above, but I guess I've learnt better how to cope... sort of. People at school think I'm coping really well... if only they knew. But that said I guess its better that way that they *dont* really know. Its better that ppl dont worry about me. Then if I go they wont miss me as much.

    Rereading that that sounded childish... cant think of a better way to put it... oops.

    Take care.. :grouphug:
  5. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    It is so important, so validating, to have a voice...to tell ppl your feelings and to hope that you are received in a way that is honoring and affirming...but sadly, most ppl are too self-absorbed, or too embroiled in their own ills to truly hear the other...sorry you cannot tell your parents what is going on for you, but you were truly brave to put it in words here...and yes, sometimes things seem so false when the 'truth', as it were, is not acknowledged...I spent the majority of my life until recently, in this facade...gladly, I have begun to show ppl who I really am, and I have been welcomed with all of my imperfections...hoping you have those experiences yourself as you put your feelings in this thread...big hugs, Jackie
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