rant

[MoAnamCara]

If I'm doing better, which I am I think, why do crappy thoughts come? Why are they so strong and overwhelming at the time?? They really take me over. And I'm tired of it. I'm tired of them. I'm tired of me.

I get somewhere or think I am getting there. But nothing has changed. I'm alone and I'm very lonely. That won't change because of me.

I'm also tired of saying I'm okay. I'm not sure that I am some days. But I'll lie, because in general people really don't want to hear the truth. Its one of those polite automatic questions which then gets a polite automatic answer. I think we all should be honest for a day. Imagine what would happen then? Chaos and many ruined relationships of all types, unfortunately.

I just want to scream. I wish someone understood. I just wish she was here. This christmas stuff is making these days extremely hard. Sad, very sad.

 

[windlepoons]

Ranting is good my friend, glad to see you doing it.
When I ask 'are you OK', you can always be honest. I will try to be, but like you I often lie my arse off.
You are doing well, you are doing things and letting your life continue. There will be hard times, and Xmas is all too often the hardest, but there will be good ones too.

 

[MoAnamCara]

Thanks Windle :hug:

Hit with what feels like a massive juggernaut today with news of yet someone else with cancer. It has hit me hard. Lots of thoughts & memories and replaying of events. Just sad, many... many tears today.

 

[Sadeyes]

I miss my friends who are not with me now so much during these times...I think feeling better is not seen clearly when we feel so awful...so when we start to get back so some 'more normal' we put so much pressure on ourselves...you are working so hard and have come so far...please know that, and also, with me, please tell me how you are doing...mine questions are not social gesture...I truly care

 

[windlepoons]

Oh I am sorry to hear that Mo, so much bad news for you. Remember you have us for support, my friend.
It's bound to bring things up. Do not fight it, just remember the progress you have made.

 

[MoAnamCara]

My thanks to you both.