Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by fvckinginsane, Dec 29, 2013.

  1. fvckinginsane

    fvckinginsane Active Member

    i dont understand how people can just make you feel like you can be happy, that you finally feel like you have someone, they can make you feel like you're going to be okay and then just like that, everything is gone. I've gotten used to being alone.. through my hardest time in my life i had absolutely no one, i had no friends and my family had no idea how i was feeling. i was good at hiding things. but then when it all got too much and i couldn't hide my feelings anymore and i lost my mind a few people came into my life and really made me feel okay. they helped me through a lot, one even saved my life... literally. but now none of them talk to me. after a while they realised how fucked up i actually am. after the 3rd hospital admission i think everyone just kind of gave up on me and realised i couldn't be helped. it's really sad. its sad they've treated me like this but i think its more sad how alone i am, and that i am okay with it. I'm used to it, i guess ive been alone most of my life, but now im really sad and being lonely isnt any help.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hun they do not have the skills to help you and they feel uncomfortable afraid of losing you and can't deal with that. I am sorry they don't talk to you now but we will talk to you ok we will listen because we do get it and understand I hope you have some supports in place now to help you some community care so you do not have to hide or fight the illness alone.
    Hope you talk to your doc and get some meds or therapy ok Do w hat it takes to get you feeling better hugs
  3. mpang123

    mpang123 Well-Known Member

    After my last attempt, everybody in my apt. complex have shied away from me. They said that they can't handle me talking to them about my suicidal thoughts because they don't want to responsible for me in case I attempt another one. They think they are responsible for me when I act out. They feel guilty. Now, my manager told me that if I do feel suicidal, I have to either talk to the people at group therapy, or my social worker, or the crisis line. It's sad that I can't share with them anymore but I understand that I make people uncomfortable when I talk about such serious issues. I, too, feel alone and lonely a lot cuz I don't really bond with anyone at group and I have no outside friends that I can have fun with. I am getting used to being alone and this site keeps me busy and distracted from being bored. I vent here and feel safe and I build up my self esteem when I respond to posts and I find that at least I tried to help with good intentions. I find I'm not alone here. We have many similar issues.
  4. ShoegazeDaydream

    ShoegazeDaydream ~Kid at Heart~

    I'm sorry people are shielding away from you, it's horrible how people can be sometimes. In the past I told people about my suicidal thoughts and I don't think anyone clearly understand what I was talking about. The more I talked about it with people: the less people came over to talk to me cause I don't think they wanted to be bothered with hearing those type of things. It really depressed me for awhile sometime after that. Believe this is a hard thing for most people to talk about, cause they simply don't understand the illness and how hard it is for us. You know you can always share you're thoughts on here, no one will ever judge you. Hope you end up finding a therapist to talk too in the future. At the moment I have one and it's helping me out a lot. :) Wish you all the best!
  5. mpang123

    mpang123 Well-Known Member

    Fortunately, I do have support from group therapy, with a psychiatrist, therapists, group support and a social worker. But sometimes I feel that's not enough. Who else do I need? Maybe this support from the forum helps too.
  6. ExtraSoap

    ExtraSoap Well-Known Member

    People suck, but they're not shying away from you because they've given up, they just don't know how to help you, and that scares them. They love you but are unable to deal with you getting hurt. At least, that's my experience with situations similar to yours. And don't think that you can't be helped, thats not true. Everyone can be helped, but you have to have the hope and knowledge that very, very few things in life (especially this kind of thing) are permanent. I thought that was a load of shit for the longest time, but it's true. Just don't give up.
  7. fvckinginsane

    fvckinginsane Active Member

    i understand that they are scared and dont know how to handle it and dont want to be responsible but that gives them no right to just leave me. why must they do that when they know im already so fragile, they know my past and they know the outcome of what happens when they hurt me and now they've left and none of them seem to care. I'm honestly dead to them already, none of them speak to me or reply to me and i see their photos and they've replaced me and they're so happy and fuck, here i am lonely with no one to call crying my eyes out wishing i were dead
  8. mpang123

    mpang123 Well-Known Member

    I'm very emotionally fragile too and very vulnerable. I think people walk on broken glass when they're around me. They don't want to say anything upsetting.
  9. ronnymarie

    ronnymarie Guest

    When I was 14, I was diagnosed with what they thought at that time would prove to be a fatal disorder. I spent most of my teenage years in various hospitals, undergoing chemo, surgeries, etc.

    All of my friends turned their backs on me. A few called a few times, but then they went on with their lives. No one came to visit. It really hurt me at the time, but I’ve come to understand it better. Most people have no experience with illness, depression, etc. They simply do not know what to say or do, or how to help. So, they hide from the problem. They don’t do it to deliberately hurt or wound, they simply do not have the capacity to help.

    I spent a lot of time alone, but it wasn’t forever. When I was well enough (well, when I decided screw the docs and the meds which didn’t cure me), I was able to get out into the world again, and I made new friends.

    And never underestimate family. Even though they may not always understand or know how to help, they will be there when no one else will.
  10. jnick

    jnick Well-Known Member

    I am sorry to hear about your situation. I have felt the cold shoulder of family more times than I can count and it is no joke. The ironic thing is that is why I am this way now. When children are neglected by their parents they set them up for a life of misery, unless somehow the kids can circumvent that and find someone positive etc, etc. I just (barely) made it through the holiday season and asked my registered nurse to change my meds up some so who knows. I have OCD, hepC, MDD, and last but the most viscious acne scarring, an abstaining alcoholic as well. You are not alone, perhaps finding some people who have experienced some life trauma similar to you can help some with the pain. I have been in the same obsession/confidence killer for going on four years, I had a relationship end, was forced to work shit jobs just to eat, and the acne scarring I had from my youth started to bother me intensely again, long story short I caused more damage to my face by rubbing it and shit. So 4 year relationship gone, career fucked, new facial scarring that took me from extremely confident to insecure and on and on, I left this site after getting a job back in my field. I stayed away for a year thinking maybe this job would help me feel more normal, I work and sleep and do the bare minimum to survive, I get pissed when I cant sleep, I wake up in a panic after 3 hours or so, I am probably worse since I started back to work............... you sound like you can make it, just try and love yourself, I have lost that ability, just keep trying
  11. jnick

    jnick Well-Known Member

    Why the fuck am I back on this damn page?