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So life is tough, but someone else always had it rough than me. But just trying to have more compassion for other people is hard these days. Shouldnt be numb But I can't fake compassion. I dont want to be fake, I feel like Im going to hell and there isn't a thing can stop me.
I can not think anything that matters me more than the time than it's over. Nothing seems to have lasting value, everything is so trivial transient yet so damn inevitable set in stone. Like the the curse of ages.
Isn't great how people could connect most strongly by happiness, all sadness and symapthy for another is just a burden. I want to be happy too, and can be secure to know the fact that I wont regret it.
I regret a lot of things, I want to be cool about mistakes, but I always end up blaming myself.
When it is said and done, life really doesn't deserve all the hype it gets. Im tired so are other people, seems like everyone has a bone to chew. So tiring process untill the "end". Maybe someday I will get wise and everything will part cloud and shed its golden wisdom.
Highly doubt it, someone else could have figured it out by now if it was that easy. What's the meaning of life.
Maybe the meaning of life is if you suck then you will never be what you strive to be or be happy. You're screwed.
Yup, you can fight and change but deep down you know you're a loser.
Yup, yup I hate it. I hate myself the stupid ass shit who's become just another particle in the ocean. Who's another you know who I dont know him.
Deep down I want resolution a permanant change shattering effects and then peace.
No one understand anything...
Yet time goes on, the earth rolls, it's sickening.
I can't trust another person, im so removed so unchangable forever bond to the past. I can't leave it, is madness. Why? I've reprianded? Wasn't it enough?
Maybe If I jet at 1000 miles into space everything will become crystal clear I wont have to feel so damn stupid all time.
Damn, I hate shit, life is like crap that you can't get rid out of because who knows maybe the next one will be worse...
Damn motherfukcer, I hate people who pass judgement on me. THe shit is people do it all teh time. Motherfukers just want to fukin wam wam those son of bitches.
Isn't great how many fucking asshole live on this planet? Just great isn't it. Why dont make a festival and invite them all to participate in this making of maggot hole?
Wait thats happening right now. This shit is unbearable. I wish I had less patience for these idiots, but im TOO kind.
Another day, anther day and then another, eveyone wants to tell you what to do no one appreciates you. It's all so relative and fickle. Everything is on a give and take basis. SHit you know if someone ever gave me all the love they've unconditionally I will pay them back ten fold cuz I know they actually love me REGARDLESS of who I am. That's true love, too bad it seems like illusion rihgt now. The whole world runs on its selfish desires, it is not all bad but some of us are getting screwed nevertheless.
And so many of other things I want to rant and change, but I'm just so insigicant. Too bad the best intentions dont come with the best circustances, so 99.99% time shit just roll.
My deal reader do you understand? Do you make of a fresh pond of this restless cesspool, that within its core shines a threshhold of unbelievable gold? Can you see the good in life.
I know I should. BUT right now I don't know what to think.
Reaaly tired now, you think shit would be over in a month, But for this crap to end I dont know when. As I'm typing now I dont of another day hope of past dreams, all is as good as dead now. Here in this world struggle with no meaning no signifance all the defense I've had left is numbness. A strange feeling of isolation that has integrated itself to be part of me. No longer do I've felt sorry for myself, sorry all goes to shadows in the past. I've becaming a statue of background, whose emotions can only be interpreted by the sculptor and beholder. None seems real to me, a state of aloofness that is both alive and grow. Absorp everything.
Fast forward, where could something be in a few years- it doesn't matter
Yes, nothing matters. Matter is just another word of made up importance. A lie and does it matter? Depends, everything depends... depends...so fickle yet so inevitablely true, how ironic and how boring. Every question can be answered with depends...
Philosphers, preachers they're all bullshit, they ideals are as good as their personal preferred and highly constructed models of their "depends". Lol at vast idiots who study philosophy or religion. What freaking waste of time pecking their eyes out at. Well at least it offers the peace of mind for them. Good for them Lol.
Life is so overrated once you realized that 99.9% of people around you doesn't have a clue like you dont have a clue either. Omfg then you wonder why did you take them so damn serious...
I mean I could not even of thinking getting a RIGHT answer from somebody.
Yup that's life, and sure everyone can just deal with it. But it sucks, DARG!
All misplaced, mishappened, another mistake repeat and then repeated and you have what?
I want to rant on and on but what is the use?
The time is past, and the truth is I dont know what is right anymore?
What is rihgt?
I want to ask God, if exists. Maybe I want to say im sorry? That I've been such an idiot all my life.
That I cut of feelings so I can actually get by days and days...
Ever been had feelings that you had your foot on the cliff and ready to jump but then for reason and a time not really sure what happend then you're all fine and life just went on?
Yup story of my life, I've conquerored loneliness, insecurity and love and all but left is but of emptiness...
And sometimes anger...
What is the use then, there is like nothing left, no meaning to do any thing anymore.
Just another day, anther day breathe, maybe it will all be clear someday. All makes sense some day, everything, of why I'm here and what I should do, until then is another tug of war in the dark.
Flip the tape back years, it all made sense then, maybe Im dumber now, and I couldn't think clearly. The worst is the buffer effect I feel seems like everything is just the same, another repeat of yesterday. Another repeat, endless and endless. Anything endless needs an order and clear defied purpose, its goal must be endless in itself, unfathomable yet inherited symmetically fathomable somewhat.
Nothing should be without boundary, but something definitely should be.
For what is worth, the more worth it tries to assert itself, then more it seem to fall flat.
What is the meaning of taking one's life- meaningless, if one's life doesn't have a meaning, therefore the act is worthless in itself.
I have issues!
I want to say sorry, for being a spectator, that so many things I could not change. I dont want to be useless, but Im definitely useless right now. What should I do to change more for the better, I want to but this world is such hogwash its unbelievable. Im in shock right now. And I need a while to adjust. Anyone who wants to talk, email to maximumexp999 @hotmail.com . Im incredibly confused and want someone to talk if you want something to say I could listen.
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