Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by John6491, Apr 26, 2007.

  1. John6491

    John6491 Well-Known Member

    i wish i can be stronger... i hate being so afraid of how i fucking feel... i wish i could tell someone around me about how i feel but i cant im to fucking ashamed... im so fucking afraid... i know it would be better if i got help but i cant get it in me to ask for it... i dont know how it is so easy to talk to everyone online and say whatever the fuck comes to my head but i cant even say the smallest thing to people around me :sad: i feel like im the biggest coward in the world...
    i mean i can go up to someone i dont know and say fuck you but i cant go up to someone i do know and ask for help.... wtf is wrong with me??

    i just wish i could get it in me to kill myself... just pull the trigger is all i need to fucking do.. means i wont have to worry about anyone anymore... wont have to worry about my mom dieing... my dad getting drunk and high and fighting with me... no one will see me fail ever again... no more pain... no more daily bullshit that is told to me... no more feeling anything... i just want to die... yes things can get better but what if they fucking dont? i dont want to fucking wait for nothing but more pain!

    I have nothing to hold onto anymore.. everything i tried holding onto is now gone or about to be gone... i have no one here for me... i just want to walk up to the park and kill myself somewhere nice and quiet so no one find me for a while...

    Im so tired of having to deal with the shit with my parents... one thinks im a constant failure.. other thinks im a worthless piece of shit... i will never be "perfect" in either of there eyes...

    I don't have many "true" friends and i think the other people i hang out with just think im so fucking weird kid that just likes to annoy them... I have no g/f and chances are i never will...

    Yea this is my stupid fucking rant? i really need to just fucking die and stop posting this shit.. no one wants to read this even if you say you do.. im just another fucked up teenager to you... yay im a asshole... :dry:
  2. Robin

    Robin Guest

    Even assholes deserve to live, which I'm sure you're not. Doesn't matter how streetwise you may feel there's a sensitive soul lurking on the inside that feels every slight made against it. You don't need to die, you need reassurance and love and you should be getting both these things from your parents.

    No-ones perfect and I won't claim to know you and say that you are especially when you feel you aren't but it's good to start off not being perfect, start off perfect and the only way is down, start where you are and any improvement is an achievement and something you manages on your own.

    Keep typing, keep ranting, with any hope it will keep you going until you can find your own way ouot of the dark pit you find yourself in, until then, I will keep reading.
  3. Spearmint

    Spearmint Well-Known Member

    John. :hug: You're not an asshole. And you don't need to die.
  4. John6491

    John6491 Well-Known Member

    Damnit i fucking hate my dad.... the one day my best friend Joe can do anything my dad says i need to be home because we are having a fucking family dinner tonight... it was fucking 4 then and i haven't done shit at all.... No one is getting here till fucking 7 and its only 5 right now... i could be hanging out with him but fuck no my dad has to be a fucking piece of shit and make up bullshit stuff.... he always does this.. next time he does this im just going to say fuck you im going to do what i fucking want to.. but knowing him he will yell and fight with me when i get home... i really hate that piece of shit...

    One of my other good friends just moved away today so that made things worse... today fucking sucks... why does my life keep getting worse? what the fuck have i done? It seems like everyone around me is just trying to make me sad,mad, or feel unwanted.....

    I complain way to much.. i need to shut up and die...
  5. Spearmint

    Spearmint Well-Known Member

    :hug: John, getting it out is better than bottling it in.
  6. John6491

    John6491 Well-Known Member

    I know just right now feels like no one wants to hear my crap i have to say...
  7. Spearmint

    Spearmint Well-Known Member

    I'll listen, my PM box is open if you just want to rant.
  8. John6491

    John6491 Well-Known Member

    i swear i am the biggest asshole ever... i yell at my dad tell him that e was the worst father ever and i hate him then he just stopped talking... i feel like the biggest asshole ever... damnit why do i feel this way!! he deserved to hear that but i still feel horrible about it... i should die and make it so i dont fuck anything else up...
  9. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    Hey John...is there any way you could leave your comp around with one of your rants on it for your Dad to "find"? Then you wouldn't have to actually tell him, but hw would still find out how you are feeling without you needing to confront him...just a thought...better than death.
  10. John6491

    John6491 Well-Known Member

    I guess but knowing him he wouldn't give a shit or would just think im crazy for writing this stuff
  11. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    Maybe, but you might be surprised...he may understand what you are going through and be very concerned...it could help to get it off your chest anyway...worth a shot?
  12. John6491

    John6491 Well-Known Member

    no my dad hates me i know that for a fact.. he dosnt give a shit about me he pushes me around all the time... i dont think it would be worth even trying to show him one of my stupid rants...

    I really just want to die.. but for some stupid reason i cant...