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Rant.

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Aurelia

Over a low sun, undo the undone.
#1
I feel like a failure, a fuck-up, like I'm not good enough. I've been sick, my stomach has been hurting like hell until I finally got those biological steroids for it from my GI. I just started being able to eat normal meals again in the past week or so without throwing it all up. My potassium and calcium levels and all that shit has finally gone back to normal. But this is just this past week that I've gotten better. These past 3 months, it was hell. I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep. Some days I just laid there in the fetal position for hours, waiting for the pain to stop. I always did what school work I could early in the morning because I knew that once I got hungry and tried to put something small in my stomach, all bets were off. I'd be in too much pain to continue doing anything. My entire schedule revolved around my stomach. My potassium and calcium levels dropped so low at one point that I couldn't stand up straight or balance myself, and my fingers even shook trying to dial the right buttons for "911". I was home alone that night. No one could help me. My body was so weak, if I physically exerted myself even just a little, I'd fall down. My legs would randomly just fall right from under me. I couldn't climb stairs without falling over. I lost about 15-20 pounds from not eating. In and out of the ER several times. They told me every time that they could do nothing to help me, just stabilize me enough for me to go home until it started all over again. Oh yeah, and on top of that, I had the flu or possibly strep throat, possibly both. Twice. On top of THAT, there were my mental issues I was dealing with. And on top of THAT, I had school. Fucking school. And a fucking instructor who wouldn't let me catch a fucking break. So apparently, according to her standards, I suck at APA style.

Well, gee, sorry that every-fucking-little-goddamned-thing I had gone through these past three months were too goddamned much for me to take. SORRY that I have Crohn's. SORRY that I had the flu/strep throat twice in a row and was sick for 2 months. SORRY that my electrolyte levels and weight were so low that my body became too weak to even move. SORRY that I have anxiety out the ass, borderline personality, and most likely, PTSD, and depression...and that my narcissistic, psychotic-at-times husband tends to make it worse. SORRY that I was too busy worrying about all this other, I guess, unimportant bullshit to do my schoolwork and APA style properly. So because of a couple of little mistakes I made, you've decided to make me retake the goddamned fucking course?!?! Is that it??? It wasn't my actual knowledge of psychology that was the problem, it was the couple of little bullshit mistakes I made with my citations??! Hell, my actual average for the course is just fine. But because of how shit works around there, I have to pass every single little criteria. 26/26...with APA being one of them. And you passed me on 25, even gave me perfect scores on some of them. But you couldn't let me catch a break and pass me on all 26, now, could you? KNOWING for a fact that I was in the ER several times during this time, mind you, because I e-mailed you and told you so, you fucking piece of shit, schlong-sniffing, splooge-cleansing, c*nt-flapping queef-bubble, fuck-sponge, THUNDERC*UNT-LIKE DOUCHE-BAGUETTE!!!

You wanted corrections made in order for me to pass that criteria (and the course), and so I made those corrections, whilst SITTING here for four goddamned HOURS, with no break in between until fucking midnight. MIDNIGHT. And now I have to wait...hmm...I think until Tuesday to know whether I fucking passed or I have to take the goddamned class over again, which would most likely screw up my financial aid. And even if it didn't that's three months down the drain. Three FUCKING months. Like, are you kidding me? Over that one criteria, you can't just cut me a fucking break? Or did you do this on purpose just to screw with me and make me have to sit here and fix it? See, and now, because of this, I don't know what class to take next...or whether I should even take a class at all or wait for my final grade from this bitch first. I don't know fucking anything. And if I end up having to retake this class and all that time and energy I spent on it was wasted, 3 months down the drain, and my financial aid gets fucked up in the process, it might just discourage me to the point that I may say fuck it to all of this. Every bit of it.

Or I might be catastrophizing and it might turn out fine, who knows?

I guess i won't until Tuesday when my grade gets posted up, now will I? Bitch.
 

Auri

🎸🎼Metal Star🎼🎸
Safety & Support
SF Supporter
#3
Just wanted to say that I read you and I'm rooting for you, always. I'm glad you let it all out, it's a lot to deal with for just one person. * hugs *
 

Aurelia

Over a low sun, undo the undone.
#4
Just wanted to say that I read you and I'm rooting for you, always. I'm glad you let it all out, it's a lot to deal with for just one person. * hugs *
Yeah, I needed it at the time. I did the best I could as far as coming up with the right insults, but @Ash600 is still the king when it comes to that.
 

Aurelia

Over a low sun, undo the undone.
#9
I'm thinking off walking into the nearest Subways and ordering a "Douche baguette" with all the works.
I can picture that conversation.

"Hello, good day. How can I help you?"
"Yes, I would like a douche-baguette please, toasted, with all the works."
"I'm sorry, sir. Can you repeat that?"
"Sure. A douche-baguette, please, toasted, with all the works."
"Uh...I'm still not quite understanding what you mean...or perhaps not hearing you clearly. What would you like toasted with the works?"
"A douche-baguette"
"A douche-baguette?"
"Yes."
"What is a douche-baguette?"
"Clearly, it is a baguette, of the douche variety. I'm not sure what's so incomprehensible about that."
"Right...sir, I think I'm going to have to ask you to leave."
"Leave? Just because you happen to be out of douche-baguettes, you're kicking me out of the store? See, this is why I've always preferred Quiznos."
 

Ash600

Of dust and shadows
SF Creative
SF Supporter
#10
"Uh...I'm still not quite understanding what you mean...or perhaps not hearing you clearly.
At this I would've replied :
"Don't understand what I mean? Would providing you with an illustration help? Tell you what, go take a gander of yourself in a mirror. "

For this,
See, this is why I've always preferred Quiznos."
I would've added, "at least there I can order a dirty fried clunge bucket without any Shakespearean fucking drama."
 

Aurelia

Over a low sun, undo the undone.
#11
This bitch promised to grade the corrections I made to that last assignment yesterday, and fucking never did. And now, because of her and her bullshit, my financial aid won't disburse any more funds for my tuition, which I need them to do...soon, for that matter, because another semester has started. And on top of that, I think she fucking lied to me and I would have been able to complete the course anyway without having submitted those corrections, because my overall average was still passing. Granted, I could get a better grade this way, but still...it fucked everything up with financial aid, so I would rather have just completed the goddamned course by now. And now, I can't until she grades that last assignment I sent through. Fucking bitch.
 

Aurelia

Over a low sun, undo the undone.
#12
So she finally graded it today and my average went up to an A. I'm happy about that part, but this whole ordeal still screwed with my financial aid, which I'm not happy about. But hopefully, that should adjust itself soon once I get the credits for the class. otherwise, I would have had a B, which I wasn't thrilled about, but not sure if it was worth all this trouble either just to get it up to an A, and all the financial aid crap that came along with it.
 

DrownedFishOnFire

Back into the wild where I belong. Out of your way
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#14
Dudette I have a degree in psych I'm 😂 and feeling your pain/pure annoyance I felt this way ages ago went thru this dumb documentation shit. So dumb for MLA and APA style to even exsit. Blah blah it being fundamental principles of citation . Fucking HATED this part of writing papers. I'm not publishing papers. You got your point with my papers and where I got the info from. This world is hung up IMO on the wrong emphasis. This type of bullshit is infuriating but glad u got it over with. Now it's just a fading memory not have to repeat this class. Ever. AGAIN. Go you.
 

Aurelia

Over a low sun, undo the undone.
#15
Dudette I have a degree in psych I'm 😂 and feeling your pain/pure annoyance I felt this way ages ago went thru this dumb documentation shit. So dumb for MLA and APA style to even exsit. Blah blah it being fundamental principles of citation . Fucking HATED this part of writing papers. I'm not publishing papers. You got your point with my papers and where I got the info from. This world is hung up IMO on the wrong emphasis. This type of bullshit is infuriating but glad u got it over with. Now it's just a fading memory not have to repeat this class. Ever. AGAIN. Go you.
You know what the most infuriating part for me is? Especially when it comes to psychology? Like, I know a lot of this shit already, just from past experience. So when I write something and don't cite it, that's because it didn't come from any goddamned fucking resource; it came from my head! Nevertheless, she tells me, "There is clearly some information in there that was learned, but not cited." Yeah, learned YEARS AGO, and not from any particular resource that I can remember or recall. So how the fuck am I supposed to cite that if it's information that's simply already been stored in my brain? But they don't care. Anything that's not "common knowledge" (which, clearly, you have to make a value judgment about what common knowledge should even be) has to be cited. So, what, you basically expect me to just look for random articles that stress the point I'm making, just so I have a citation, even though I never got it from any fucking article/book/whatever in the first place? And that's exactly what I ended up having to do. With stuff i already knew and didn't need an article to "learn", I had to look for an article that specifically said that information. Bunch of bullshit, right?
 
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