I feel like a failure, a fuck-up, like I'm not good enough. I've been sick, my stomach has been hurting like hell until I finally got those biological steroids for it from my GI. I just started being able to eat normal meals again in the past week or so without throwing it all up. My potassium and calcium levels and all that shit has finally gone back to normal. But this is just this past week that I've gotten better. These past 3 months, it was hell. I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep. Some days I just laid there in the fetal position for hours, waiting for the pain to stop. I always did what school work I could early in the morning because I knew that once I got hungry and tried to put something small in my stomach, all bets were off. I'd be in too much pain to continue doing anything. My entire schedule revolved around my stomach. My potassium and calcium levels dropped so low at one point that I couldn't stand up straight or balance myself, and my fingers even shook trying to dial the right buttons for "911". I was home alone that night. No one could help me. My body was so weak, if I physically exerted myself even just a little, I'd fall down. My legs would randomly just fall right from under me. I couldn't climb stairs without falling over. I lost about 15-20 pounds from not eating. In and out of the ER several times. They told me every time that they could do nothing to help me, just stabilize me enough for me to go home until it started all over again. Oh yeah, and on top of that, I had the flu or possibly strep throat, possibly both. Twice. On top of THAT, there were my mental issues I was dealing with. And on top of THAT, I had school. Fucking school. And a fucking instructor who wouldn't let me catch a fucking break. So apparently, according to her standards, I suck at APA style.
Well, gee, sorry that every-fucking-little-goddamned-thing I had gone through these past three months were too goddamned much for me to take. SORRY that I have Crohn's. SORRY that I had the flu/strep throat twice in a row and was sick for 2 months. SORRY that my electrolyte levels and weight were so low that my body became too weak to even move. SORRY that I have anxiety out the ass, borderline personality, and most likely, PTSD, and depression...and that my narcissistic, psychotic-at-times husband tends to make it worse. SORRY that I was too busy worrying about all this other, I guess, unimportant bullshit to do my schoolwork and APA style properly. So because of a couple of little mistakes I made, you've decided to make me retake the goddamned fucking course?!?! Is that it??? It wasn't my actual knowledge of psychology that was the problem, it was the couple of little bullshit mistakes I made with my citations??! Hell, my actual average for the course is just fine. But because of how shit works around there, I have to pass every single little criteria. 26/26...with APA being one of them. And you passed me on 25, even gave me perfect scores on some of them. But you couldn't let me catch a break and pass me on all 26, now, could you? KNOWING for a fact that I was in the ER several times during this time, mind you, because I e-mailed you and told you so, you fucking piece of shit, schlong-sniffing, splooge-cleansing, c*nt-flapping queef-bubble, fuck-sponge, THUNDERC*UNT-LIKE DOUCHE-BAGUETTE!!!
You wanted corrections made in order for me to pass that criteria (and the course), and so I made those corrections, whilst SITTING here for four goddamned HOURS, with no break in between until fucking midnight. MIDNIGHT. And now I have to wait...hmm...I think until Tuesday to know whether I fucking passed or I have to take the goddamned class over again, which would most likely screw up my financial aid. And even if it didn't that's three months down the drain. Three FUCKING months. Like, are you kidding me? Over that one criteria, you can't just cut me a fucking break? Or did you do this on purpose just to screw with me and make me have to sit here and fix it? See, and now, because of this, I don't know what class to take next...or whether I should even take a class at all or wait for my final grade from this bitch first. I don't know fucking anything. And if I end up having to retake this class and all that time and energy I spent on it was wasted, 3 months down the drain, and my financial aid gets fucked up in the process, it might just discourage me to the point that I may say fuck it to all of this. Every bit of it.
Or I might be catastrophizing and it might turn out fine, who knows?
I guess i won't until Tuesday when my grade gets posted up, now will I? Bitch.
Well, gee, sorry that every-fucking-little-goddamned-thing I had gone through these past three months were too goddamned much for me to take. SORRY that I have Crohn's. SORRY that I had the flu/strep throat twice in a row and was sick for 2 months. SORRY that my electrolyte levels and weight were so low that my body became too weak to even move. SORRY that I have anxiety out the ass, borderline personality, and most likely, PTSD, and depression...and that my narcissistic, psychotic-at-times husband tends to make it worse. SORRY that I was too busy worrying about all this other, I guess, unimportant bullshit to do my schoolwork and APA style properly. So because of a couple of little mistakes I made, you've decided to make me retake the goddamned fucking course?!?! Is that it??? It wasn't my actual knowledge of psychology that was the problem, it was the couple of little bullshit mistakes I made with my citations??! Hell, my actual average for the course is just fine. But because of how shit works around there, I have to pass every single little criteria. 26/26...with APA being one of them. And you passed me on 25, even gave me perfect scores on some of them. But you couldn't let me catch a break and pass me on all 26, now, could you? KNOWING for a fact that I was in the ER several times during this time, mind you, because I e-mailed you and told you so, you fucking piece of shit, schlong-sniffing, splooge-cleansing, c*nt-flapping queef-bubble, fuck-sponge, THUNDERC*UNT-LIKE DOUCHE-BAGUETTE!!!
You wanted corrections made in order for me to pass that criteria (and the course), and so I made those corrections, whilst SITTING here for four goddamned HOURS, with no break in between until fucking midnight. MIDNIGHT. And now I have to wait...hmm...I think until Tuesday to know whether I fucking passed or I have to take the goddamned class over again, which would most likely screw up my financial aid. And even if it didn't that's three months down the drain. Three FUCKING months. Like, are you kidding me? Over that one criteria, you can't just cut me a fucking break? Or did you do this on purpose just to screw with me and make me have to sit here and fix it? See, and now, because of this, I don't know what class to take next...or whether I should even take a class at all or wait for my final grade from this bitch first. I don't know fucking anything. And if I end up having to retake this class and all that time and energy I spent on it was wasted, 3 months down the drain, and my financial aid gets fucked up in the process, it might just discourage me to the point that I may say fuck it to all of this. Every bit of it.
Or I might be catastrophizing and it might turn out fine, who knows?
I guess i won't until Tuesday when my grade gets posted up, now will I? Bitch.
