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Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by *dilligaf*, Jun 27, 2007.

  1. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    I buried my Nan yesterday. My Nan, my everything. I'm loosing the only other person I care about.

    I'm basically living alone for the next 6 months, theres going to be such rows with the will coming through, all aimed at me.

    The funeral was hell. I thought I had them there for me, guess I was wrong eh.

    Maybe I'm in the wrong here, maybe I AM being a hypocrite, I don't know, I don't know, I DON'T BLOODY KNOW ANYMORE.

    The pills have been removed, so I cant do that, my aunt helped me with a method without even realising the other day, or there's the one I've been thinking about constantly. Maybe, I don't know

    My nan, my darling darling nan. She's gone and I'm not coping with it. At all. This house feels so fucking quiet, its not right, i'm looking at her chair, its empty, its not right. she should still be here.

    I called that doctor, I was told to call him back if he was needed, maybe if I had of done she would be ok? Maybe she would still be here? I walked out of the room, I should have stayed there, been with her when she was going.

    Meant to be looking after me, meant to care about me, meant to love me, and does that. Was here cos my nan had just died, here to help me through, and that happens. Obviously doesn't care then eh? Cant do.

    I'm trying to be normal, trying to get over this, its stupid, its what I fecking deserve anyway.

    Why did I think I would be happy? Why did I think I could be happy? I'm scum aren't I. Worthless. Not deserving of happyness. Not deserving of love.

    Glad it's been proven to me before I got in too deep
  2. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    Not much more i can say than i already have done in that email. Re read it and see how much i love you and how much i care. You still can be happy if you give it a chance. I DO care about you and i DO love you.

    You know where i am if u wanna talk and sort it out. You know what i want.

    I LOVE YOU and i dont care who fucking knows it anymore.
  3. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    this wasnt about u

    this is about me grieving, feeling suicidal, not being able to cope
  4. kath

    kath Well-Known Member

    im so sorry hun.My deepest condolensces.i know your Nan meant so much to you.You mentioned her often.i can hear your pain so much through what you write.Please keep writing.My words feel hopeless but i hope you are as alright as you can be and still with us.i may be selfish nut i hope you come through this.i dont have many friends and youve been such a good friend to me.im here i fyou ever want to talk some more about this or just want a friend about.Big hugs hun.Please be gentle with yourself and stay safe.
  5. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    Gonna make a better reply now im in a better mood lol.

    Fuck the arguments, seriously. Let them argue as much as they like but its gonna get them no where. I'm assuming your talking about B, D, K and A ???

    Firstly they did fuck all, your nan didn't even like D, so let them argue as much as they like. You and your mum cared for your nan as much as anyone.

    As the method, remember how P had the nervous breakdown and the reason why he had it??? you really wanna affect someone like that. Make them see that for the rest of their lives?? i know for a fact that you would NEVER want to do that to someone. I've talked about that method before and you've turned around and told me that you can't affect someones life like that so you might aswell stop thinking about that method.

    Love ya x
  6. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    thanks kath

    yeah viks, u got it in one. luvs ya
  7. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    If anyone of em start on ya send em to me :tongue:

    I'll :whack: em for ya.