Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Terry, Feb 5, 2009.

  1. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Conversation of the day :mad:

    Phone rings, it's mum. She has that stressed voice again (fair enough who wouldn't be stressed).
    Apparently the hospital rang and said they wanted to see dad tomorrow, she can't cope, she starts crying, can I come with them?
    I say"of course, no problem, will ring back after I have looked up train times and let them know when I will arrive at theirs."
    We hang up.

    Get's train times, rings back.
    Tells mum what time I'll arrive, get "you could stay over and we'll drive you back saturday."
    I say "no need we won't be back that late and anyway who will feed the cat?"
    Mum starts tirade at Mole and the whole "we've done so much for him blah blah"
    Might I say at this moment that Mole will gladly feed the cat, I just don't want to stay the night :dry:
    Mum going on about how she can't cope, how I owe it to my dad....now wait, have I said I won't come over? NO. Have I said I won't help? NO!!
    She just can't bloody help herself, it was always has to be a guilt trip, the guilt card thrown in at every bloody turn :mad:

    Know what!! Fuck that she can't cope. Is it her that will be vomitting from the chemo, is it her that will lose her hair, is it her facing pain, sickness and possible death!! NO but she can't cope:mad:
    Given that her first reaction on getting the news was "now how do I get the shopping :dry:"
    I couldn't give a rat's arse that she can't cope.
    I feel like I can't cope but I don't have that luxury, I must pull it together so my dad gets through this...So Mum......GET A FUCKING GRIP!!!:mad:
  2. shazzer

    shazzer Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry for what your going through with your dad been on chemo. Chemo is horrible my mums been through it twice andits not fun. I can completely understand how you feel about your mum saying how do I get the shopping. When my mum was going in for her first op my dads first question was what about my washing and my meals it didn't matter what my mum was about to go through major surgery. Thinking of you and your dad at this time I relly hope that the chemo does its job :hug:
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I'm sorry Terry.

    I lost my dad to cancer..and he went through chemo too, I know how you feel.

    I'm here if you need to talk x
  4. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    Tell your Mom to seriously get a grip because at the moment it's not about her. I know that may not sound like what she wants to hear but I think it's about time she does hear it and possibly from you. She has to realize that your dad is about to face some serious shit and she needs to be there for him whether she can cope or not. He managed to cope through your childhood now it's her turn to return the favor...graciously I might add.

    Hit me up on MSN, Google or skype. I'll be around and about. :hug:
  5. Abacus21

    Abacus21 Staff Alumni

    Know we haven't spoken recently Terry, but just wanted to give ya a hug and that I'm always here if you need an ear :hug:
  6. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    Terry, Kells is write tell her to get a fucking grip. TBH i couldn't believe it when you told me how she reacted at your dad needing the scan. I know any words that i say will help in the slightest but i can offer to be there you when you need someone to lean on or if you need anything or you know what .... then i'm only a message away. Will be there for the whipping too :mad:

    Praying for you dad x
  7. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    Oh Terry, nobody knows how to throw guilt like a mother :) I'm so sorry you're going through this, especially with your Father being as sick as he is. I HATE feeling manipulated by my Mom. Eventually, you just need to stand up for yourself and consequences and feelings be damned.

    I know where you're coming from though. My Mom called me up on New Year's Day and said, "I've made a resolution this year!", all cheerful-like. When I asked what it was, she said, "I've decided not to call you kids anymore because apparently my phone calls just annoy everyone, so if you want to talk to me, you can call ME, otherwise, we just won't talk. I don't want to bother anyone." Keep in mind the fact that I call her at least once a week around the middle of the week and I see her all day every Sunday :laugh:

    So I know how you just want to scream and throw a fit, but then if you do, then YOU'RE the bitch, not her, so you just have to sit there and take it :mad: Even worse if you have one of those Moms who likes to throw in sopme crap about the 10 Commandments and "Honoring thy Mother and thy Father" every time you have a disagreement!

    I feel for ya Terry. Hang in there. :hug:
  8. The_Discarded

    The_Discarded Staff Alumni


    sorry, terry, that you're being stressed out like this. i hear you.

    stay strong. hope it lets up soon. best wishes.

  9. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Terry,
    I agree you need to nip it in the butt and tell her to get a grip. I just lost my brother in law to cancer. She is in for a rude awakining when he does go down hill because she is going to have to care for him 24/7 because he won't even be able to wipe his own butt. She has no clue what is coming. You are a good daughter and don't let her take advantage of that. My thoughts will be with you!!~Joseph~
  10. helena

    helena Staff Alumni

    Here to send you some tight :hug: :hug: too :)
    never understood that overselfcentred behaviour, I wish people put some effort in placing them in other person's position,instead of turning everything back to themselves.
    Wish you a lot of strenght with your dad and hope you can show your mom that it should be all that she also should be doing.
    Take good care,Here for you too :hug:
  11. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    Good luck today/tonight. I hope all goes well and hopefully the mass is benign a nd that things are far better then expected. If they are not then you know where to find me as always. If you do crash there and I don't see you til tomorrow night good luck with that as well and I'll make sure Mole feeds the Lem. :)
  12. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    hoping ur okay today x
  13. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Arrive at station, dad walks over to collect me , we get into car.
    Mum " I suppose you're angry with me. I can't cope...this is your father blah blah ...have a heap of guilt...blah blah...more guilt....blah blah!"

    Me "WTF...am well aware this is my father and apparently am aware he is the important one in all this...something that seems to have missed you all together!" :mad: Codicil: "Stop with the damned guilt trips I'm here as I said I would be and your constant laying on of guilt is neither welcome nor warranted !! :mad:

    Upshot of row in car, she starts crying, dad is freaked :dry:

    Moral: do not put neurotic mother with daughter who has not slept for 21 hours in the same vicinity!



    Am already looking into reporting dad's GP for gross negligence due to the fact that he left him for 7 months with agonising pain and never even sent him for a damned X-ray. only reason we now know it's lung cancer is due to the wonderful locum he saw who had him up the hospital, X-rayed and scanned within two days!! :mad:
    However, GP has now given me even more dirt to shovel .
    After we returned from dad's hospital appointment, mum had organised a visit to GP for some valium as she cannot deal with anything. This was at least a move in the right direction, as at least she is trying to sort herself out.
    I take dogs for a much needed walk, dad pops mum down to GP.

    Return of parent from fucking shitbastard of GP who will find me in the carpark with a meat axe one of these dark nights!

    I had got her more or less feeling better, realising her responsibility to dad and generally on an even keel (see row in car..above..which seems to have snapped her out of me, me mode).
    She goes in to see GP and following conversation ensues:

    Mum: "Having a terrible time coping with latest events, am not sleeping and I can't concentrate on anything during the day, could you give me some valium?"

    Doctor: "Have you taken valium before?"

    Mum: "Yes was on 10mgs a day some years back."

    Doctor: "Did you get hooked on the valium?"

    Mum: "No was fine on it."

    Doc proceeds to write her out a prescription for 2mgs.
    Mum goes off saying that 2mgs won't do shit to help.
    Doctor goes into snit, snatches prescription off her and tells her to double her amyltriptalene :dry:
    Mum protests and gets "So how is your husband dealing with the fact that he has lung cancer?"
    As at this point no one had actually said LUNG CANCER right out, mum falls to pieces.
    Says to doc "We've been married for 54 years and you find it odd that I am in a state :dry:"
    Doc more or less tells her to go forth and multiply! :mad:
    She comes back in a right mess!
    Dad is upset...I am homicidal and if I meet that GP he will end up in intensive care! :mad:
    Upshot, am organising them a new GP and taking the fucker to the British Medical Council...I'll have the bastards license if its the last thing I do! :mad:

    Postscript: parents inform me they have made a suicide pact (that includes the dogs). Needed to hear that like I needed to hear armaggedon is due tomorrow :dry:
  14. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    Sets up trip to UK to help butcher the moron GP. Packs weapons galore in process hoping they get by metal detectors. If not will stop at weapons store in route to your house and by some.

    Seriously Terry I would have had your father drive you back to the GP after they came back and bloody murdered him. He's a doctor for real? If he knew it was cancer all along then what the fuck was he doing all this time? Is it because your father is older and figured what t he fuck it don't matter?

    I'm glad you're sending him to the board and Im glad you're getting your parents a new doctor. They both need it. Even if your mom went into hysterics don't feel bad because seriously it needed to be said. Your mom needs to realize it's your dads life in jeopardy not hers.

    I'm around when/if you need to talk. Wubbles you.
  15. Malcontent

    Malcontent Staff Alumni

    Terry if you need any help with anything at all you know where to find me. I can hop on a train with a couple of days notice if you need a bit of company. Always here for you online too. Luv ya.
  16. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    :hug: terry parents are so dependant at times imho. and its unfair.

    i hope it wasnt too stress full :hug:
  17. resistance

    resistance Staff Alumni

    :hug: Terry am here if you wanna chat anytime or rant. x
  18. JohnADreams

    JohnADreams Well-Known Member

    Holy crap, it's amazing how insensitive they're all being.
    He definitely needs his license taken away. God knows how many more people he's messed up, or will do. :dry:
  19. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    Terry, ya know know where me is if you need someone. We all love you to pieces. Lemmie know the time and place of where the beating is occuring. I shall be there!! :mad:

    Loves ya x
  20. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    I know we don't exactly get on but I know what it's like to be going through this. i am here if you need someone to talk to x