I'm so fucking upset right now, just feel like screaming, cutting, ending it all, giving up!!!!!!
I can't do anything right! not one thing in my life can i not fuck up! same old same old, same old vikki who fucks up everything! can never do anything right! pathetic me! i seriously don't know why i keep living this misreble live anymore.
Theres a specific person on here, that i care about a hell of alot, but im majorly upset with a convosation i've just had with them. So bad that i actually just self harmed.
This person is upset because they want me to do something i couldn't possibly do, and they don't unerstand why i can't do it, and i get fucking yelled at because i say i understand and they seem to think they know what i understand or not. But i get made to feel like im being the bad person.
I can't do what she wants me to, i could NEVER do that to her or anyone else, but she dont see it like that. I get fucking swore at because i won't do what she want's, well that just shows she obviously don't know what type of person i really am, anyone who knew me in the slightest would know that i would NEVER EVER do that on purpose to someone. How many people here would be willing to self harm on web cam!? certainly not me! i did it once because i didn't think she was looking and i thought my arm was out of sight.
The other night, i got triggered by someone, and got really upset so i went on cam to self harm and she wanted me to stay on so she could make sure im ok.
I get you want to check im allright, i get it!!! and you telling me i don't, really proves you know nothing about me, and i think its really unfair for you to tell me i'm breaking your heart, how do you think that makes me feel? that im hurting someone i really care about? just proves i can never get anything right, your not understand why i cant do that to you. I won't go to far and you need to trust me on that. If i ever thought i was going too far i would talk to you and you know that.
At lease i cam back to show you i was allright, but tonight i said i won't go on cam then, and what happens? you get PISSED at me. You know how hard it was for me to go on cam in the first place, you know that because you was the first person i ever went on cam too here and your the only one i ever go on cam to know. I trust and respect you thats why i come on cam, but if i say i won't come on cam again then to solve this whole thing, i get a load of abusive thrown at me, how am i meant to deal with that!?!?
You turn around and say i "obviously don't fucking understand", thats the thing i DO understand you but YOU don't understand me, you don't understand the position im in, you want me to do what you want, you don't understand i CAN"T do what you asked, you need to realise that i know what im doing, i have it under control.
I feel soo shit right now, my heart is hurting so bad, whats happened in your past is NOT gonna happen to me okay? so you don't need to worry about that, this whole situation is about whats happened to you previously, i bet you think history might repeat its self, well its not, and you need to trust me on that. Anyone relationship especially friendship can't be built with out trust, i trust myself not to go too far, and you need to trust me that i won't.
Fuck life, its a load of bollocks anyway
Bye
I can't do anything right! not one thing in my life can i not fuck up! same old same old, same old vikki who fucks up everything! can never do anything right! pathetic me! i seriously don't know why i keep living this misreble live anymore.
Theres a specific person on here, that i care about a hell of alot, but im majorly upset with a convosation i've just had with them. So bad that i actually just self harmed.
This person is upset because they want me to do something i couldn't possibly do, and they don't unerstand why i can't do it, and i get fucking yelled at because i say i understand and they seem to think they know what i understand or not. But i get made to feel like im being the bad person.
I can't do what she wants me to, i could NEVER do that to her or anyone else, but she dont see it like that. I get fucking swore at because i won't do what she want's, well that just shows she obviously don't know what type of person i really am, anyone who knew me in the slightest would know that i would NEVER EVER do that on purpose to someone. How many people here would be willing to self harm on web cam!? certainly not me! i did it once because i didn't think she was looking and i thought my arm was out of sight.
The other night, i got triggered by someone, and got really upset so i went on cam to self harm and she wanted me to stay on so she could make sure im ok.
I get you want to check im allright, i get it!!! and you telling me i don't, really proves you know nothing about me, and i think its really unfair for you to tell me i'm breaking your heart, how do you think that makes me feel? that im hurting someone i really care about? just proves i can never get anything right, your not understand why i cant do that to you. I won't go to far and you need to trust me on that. If i ever thought i was going too far i would talk to you and you know that.
At lease i cam back to show you i was allright, but tonight i said i won't go on cam then, and what happens? you get PISSED at me. You know how hard it was for me to go on cam in the first place, you know that because you was the first person i ever went on cam too here and your the only one i ever go on cam to know. I trust and respect you thats why i come on cam, but if i say i won't come on cam again then to solve this whole thing, i get a load of abusive thrown at me, how am i meant to deal with that!?!?
You turn around and say i "obviously don't fucking understand", thats the thing i DO understand you but YOU don't understand me, you don't understand the position im in, you want me to do what you want, you don't understand i CAN"T do what you asked, you need to realise that i know what im doing, i have it under control.
I feel soo shit right now, my heart is hurting so bad, whats happened in your past is NOT gonna happen to me okay? so you don't need to worry about that, this whole situation is about whats happened to you previously, i bet you think history might repeat its self, well its not, and you need to trust me on that. Anyone relationship especially friendship can't be built with out trust, i trust myself not to go too far, and you need to trust me that i won't.
Fuck life, its a load of bollocks anyway
Bye
