Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Marshmallow, Nov 2, 2006.

  1. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    I'm so fucking upset right now, just feel like screaming, cutting, ending it all, giving up!!!!!!

    I can't do anything right! not one thing in my life can i not fuck up! same old same old, same old vikki who fucks up everything! can never do anything right! pathetic me! i seriously don't know why i keep living this misreble live anymore.

    Theres a specific person on here, that i care about a hell of alot, but im majorly upset with a convosation i've just had with them. So bad that i actually just self harmed.

    This person is upset because they want me to do something i couldn't possibly do, and they don't unerstand why i can't do it, and i get fucking yelled at because i say i understand and they seem to think they know what i understand or not. But i get made to feel like im being the bad person.

    I can't do what she wants me to, i could NEVER do that to her or anyone else, but she dont see it like that. I get fucking swore at because i won't do what she want's, well that just shows she obviously don't know what type of person i really am, anyone who knew me in the slightest would know that i would NEVER EVER do that on purpose to someone. How many people here would be willing to self harm on web cam!? certainly not me! i did it once because i didn't think she was looking and i thought my arm was out of sight.

    The other night, i got triggered by someone, and got really upset so i went on cam to self harm and she wanted me to stay on so she could make sure im ok.

    I get you want to check im allright, i get it!!! and you telling me i don't, really proves you know nothing about me, and i think its really unfair for you to tell me i'm breaking your heart, how do you think that makes me feel? that im hurting someone i really care about? just proves i can never get anything right, your not understand why i cant do that to you. I won't go to far and you need to trust me on that. If i ever thought i was going too far i would talk to you and you know that.

    At lease i cam back to show you i was allright, but tonight i said i won't go on cam then, and what happens? you get PISSED at me. You know how hard it was for me to go on cam in the first place, you know that because you was the first person i ever went on cam too here and your the only one i ever go on cam to know. I trust and respect you thats why i come on cam, but if i say i won't come on cam again then to solve this whole thing, i get a load of abusive thrown at me, how am i meant to deal with that!?!?

    You turn around and say i "obviously don't fucking understand", thats the thing i DO understand you but YOU don't understand me, you don't understand the position im in, you want me to do what you want, you don't understand i CAN"T do what you asked, you need to realise that i know what im doing, i have it under control.

    I feel soo shit right now, my heart is hurting so bad, whats happened in your past is NOT gonna happen to me okay? so you don't need to worry about that, this whole situation is about whats happened to you previously, i bet you think history might repeat its self, well its not, and you need to trust me on that. Anyone relationship especially friendship can't be built with out trust, i trust myself not to go too far, and you need to trust me that i won't.

    Fuck life, its a load of bollocks anyway

  2. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    I'm truly sorry viks, I never ever should've had a go at you the way I did. I'm truly sorry I really am and I hope one day you'll be able to look back at this and maybe forgive me. I love you to bits. More than you know.

    yeh so there it is. I'm the evil witch that's been fucking with Viks head. Yeh, I never meant to hurt you viks, I never ever wanted to hurt you. I'm truely sorry and wish there was more for me to do and say. I'm truly sorry.
  3. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Oh Viks :hug: :hug: :hug:

    it will be ok hun it will be ok

    meanwhile there's always...:bunny: :bunny: :bunny: :bunny:
  4. wienerman

    wienerman Guest

    :hug::hug::hug::hug: to both of you

    you both should come to some common ground or find a way to sort this out, this is a friendship i honestly dont wish to see break up. you care so much for each other that you will not budge for you points of view which causes conflict. please sort this out somehow, be it with my help or not.
  5. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    hun your not a evil witch, your nothing like that, so don't think of yourself like that because I don't and neither does anyone else.

    Hun you need to understand why I can't do what you asked, and I know exactly why you want me to but please listen what I'm saying....

    I'm not Sharon and I'm not gonna do what she did okay, I know if I ever did what you asked me to do it would bring back memories of her, but I'm not like that, yeah I have my ups and downs, and my downs are really hard, I say things I sont allways mean, but you need to trust me hun, I'm not gonna do anything like she did and I will promise that to you, I came back on cam to show you I was allright, but you've gotta understand I can't do it on cam, you've lost too many friends becayse they've killed themselves and your not gonna lose me like that hun, so please give me enough trust to do, ill do anything apart from that, if it was to ever happen again and I hope to god it doesn't then I will go off cam but I promise you WILL come back and I won't go to far, that's the one thing I can promise you, trust me sweetheart.

    If you love me enough your let me do this off cam, you know I can't do anything like that on cam, I'm not like that, and I know it hurt you when I went off cam but PLEASE trust me, I'm not gonna go the way she did so please get that out of your head.

    Please don't pissed at what I've said I DO understand why you want me to stay on cam but with all my heart I can't do that to you or anyone else.

    and you don't need to be sorry, if we need to we'll sort this out later hun.

    and please let me know your allright I'm worried,

    love ya,


  6. wienerman

    wienerman Guest

    i cant really say anything more ontop of what you have said vikki, just if you two need me to help sort this out in any way i will do it


    to both you and ish
  7. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    dont worry I'll be fine. and it's nothing to do with what you said or something, Viks. Dont worry
  8. wienerman

    wienerman Guest

    i tried to phone you and text you but havent got a reply. i hope you are ok, and i cant wait till sunday to talk again with you.