So it's gotten to the point that I need the marijuana to be happy. Since last night, I've felt dead. I watched an anime called Toradora!, which is a fucking amazing story of love and such. Watching it was an adventure, and it brought so many emotions flowing through me I almost couldn't take it. Of all of the emotions, though the most prominent one was utter loneliness. After finishing it after 25 episodes, I just felt alone. That night, I had a fight with my dad and sister, and I broke down in my room. I had never in my life felt so lonely. Taiga is like me, we act strong and tough, but on the inside we just want to be loved and to be needed. I also, however, have Ryuuji's kindness, but I'm not a housewife, far from it. I guess the anime just forced me to consider my situation: I'm so heartbroken and depressed that I don't know what I want anymore. I have the feeling that a life without love is not worth the effort, and I no longer have feelings for anyone. I hate being so damn sentimental, but that's just how I am. I don't know, it's just that the Ryuuji and Taiga loved each other, and it brought so much passion to the story, I just couldn't help but notice that the feeling of being needed and understood by someone who feels the same as you must be an amazing feeling. I also couldn't help but notice that I'm lacking that feeling. Every girl I've had feelings for have left me dead in every sense of the word. I want to be needed and understood. I'm just like Taiga, and if she were real, I would love her more than Ryuuji does.